WendyJ

William I know what you mean, I really think from early 80's on the cars just lost their zing. I truly believe the 60's and the 70's were the best though, although my 80 T/A was pretty special. I am having the guys here work on Steve's truck this week, it is an 94 Honda Passport 4X4, nothing special but it will certainly do alot better in the snow here for the bad winters we get. It feels strange when I drive it because I know he should be here driving it and his CD I gave him for X-Mas is still in the player and his winter gloves and hat are still sitting on the passenger seat. It is hard to explain but it is upsetting and comforting to drive it. Like you said, such is life. Love, Wendy

Hey William, yes I know I have a keeper, have it down at our shop at work in the back of the show room along with our race and stock cars. When I take that car out it turns heads and I love to rev her up for everyone, it makes the guys drool ! LOL I just sold a couple years ago a 1980 Trans Am that I loved, it was blue with a dark blue Phoenix and I also had a 1983 Z28 that was pretty darn fast too. As you can tell I have a deep love for Hot Rods, Steve, before he retired because of his disability worked for an Auto Restoration shop here in Jersey and we used to show some of the cars. Most were antiques but some were Hot Rods. About 7 years ago we took Best In Show at the Concours De Elegance in Michigan with the Mae West Duesenberg owned by the J Mars Company. What a thrill that was, sitting in the winners circle we felt like Royalty ! Oh those were the days !!! Love, Wendy

Teny, Where are you tonight, we have not heard from you ? I too have to take Effexor for my depression and have been on it since 2001. If you notice the date, you can imagine what it was from. In the month of September 2001 I lost my boss to Pancreatic Cancer, my Father in Law to Prostate Cancer and a cousin who worked for Cantor Fitzgerald in the World Trade Center on 9-11. That wasn't bad enough but a couple months later I decided to quit smoking as it was a promise I made to my boss on his death bed. I had a doctors appt soon after for a yearly physical and when he walked in he said " So...how's it going?" Well I went hysterical and next thing I know he's writing on my chart and saying to me "Well I know what you need." So then after Steve passed he also had to prescribe me the generic of Zanax to take when it is needed and it does take the edge off. They really do help yet they do not take the pain away completely so you still grieve as I know some people seem to think it just delays the grieving process, I say they just help you to keep your sanity to a certain extent. Drop us a line when you get a chance and let us know how you are doing? Love, Wendy P.S. William, just took my meds...did you take yours?

Teny, You should take a poll on how many of us are on anti-depressants, I think you would be amazed !!! Hang in there kiddo, we are here for you ! Love, Wendy

Hey Corinne, I hope you are having a better day today, I think you did the right thing with moving and you have every right to distance yourself from them to protect yourself and your girls. I am distancing myself also from my so called Mother In Law, ( Lives in Colorado, thank goodness) such a long story but she finally left a message on my machine 2 months ago which was 5 months after Steve passed. Nope...sorry you couldn't call sooner "Dear Monster In Law" to see how I was doing then you can get a life ! I never returned her call and have no desire to, like I said there is more to it but at work right now so I will tell you another time. You are doing a great job and don't let anyone tell you differently ! Love, Wendy

William, Are you ready for this? 84,000 original miles ! I am the 2nd owner so I know it is accurate ! This car is known around my area as one that can not be beat , not even by Corvettes ! It has it's 2nd paint job but it is the original gold color it was out of the factory. Do you know anything about the 442's ? Love, Wendy

Derek, I agree with Corinne, I am so glad the day went well with Carson and yes Karen was watching with a big smile on her face as she is so proud of both of you ! You are doing such a wonderful job with him ! Love, Wendy

Teny my friend, Your feelings are like mine and from what I have been told very normal. I am hating my life without Steve as this is not how I planned it to be. Every aspect of my life has changed and I feel so scared and so alone too. Please stop thinking we are so far away from you and the rest of us are close, the United States is huge and we are all good close internet friends whether we live in New Jersey or California or Greece or South Africa. More than likely none of us will have the option of meeting regardless of where we live so we all value being able to turn on our computer and talk through typing. You speak very well on the computer as I have never had a hard time understanding you and I really wish you would post more and get in on more conversations, it has helped me alot and I know it will help you. We love you Teny and we are right here with you going through everything you are going through. What you feel, we feel too. We are also hurt, and scared and lonely and hate our lives at the moment. My 2 daughters also are older and have their own lives now and no longer need me, but you know if that is the case with my kids and your kids that means we did something right ! You need to force yourself to get out alittle more and talk to us alittle more and you'll see you will feel alittle better, okay? Love, Wendy

Corinne I am sitting here speechless and I am so sorry if I upset you with what I said. I had no idea that happened to you and I guess I don't always think before I open my mouth. Please forgive me if I upset you, I really am very very sorry and I think maybe I should sit on the sidelines for awhile before I upset anyone else. Again I am sorry. Love, Wendy

Thnaks Corinne I will go take them as soon as I am done here. How are you doing up there in PA ? Is it as chilly there as it is here tonight? William you do know that Derek really doesn't have a couple flat tires right? Love, Wendy

Kay I have a question for you. Steve was a hunter also and also loved going to the range with his pistols. There is a compound bow in his closet along with a couple rifles and shotguns and I believe 2 pistols of which one is a 357 Magnum. I am not looking to make a large buck with these but I do not have a desire to keep them, nor any of the ammunition in there. Since I know nothing about these at all is there someplace I can go that someone would buy these from me for a price? Do I have to have a license to sell these? Any help you could give would be appreciated. I do not want to advertise them and have strangers come to my home. Thanks, Love Wendy

Teny, I know exactly how you mean! Wow you and I are like 2 peas in a pod. You know it seems like my daughters have been doing just fine and when I lose it it's like they look at me like what is your problem, just get on with your life now. But you know it is different losing a parent or grandparent as compared to a spouse and I realize that now. You hurt so much when you lose a loved one beacause it is so different when it is your soulmate, one you became one with, one who knew you intimately. Teny they do love you so much and just have a different way of showing it, or maybe they just don't know how to show it. You and I will get through this, we just have to stick together. I think we both would love to just be done with this pain once and for and be with them now, but you know I am a firm believer in there is a different place for people who choose to end their lives at their own hands and it is that belief that keeps me going as I would not want to do anything that would take any chance away of me seeing Steve again and you should do the same. As hard as this is and as tired as I am I want to make Steve proud of me and when my time comes and I can see him again I want to hear him say "Babe you did good, I am proud of you." I hate my life now and I miss him more than I ever imagined but my thinking now is the quicker I get on with my life the quicker I will see him and be with him again and I might as well try to enjoy it alittle on the way as the rest of my life is going to come and go no matter what I do. Oh my gosh where is this coming from? Marty did I make some progress here, is this a sign I am healing alittle? Love, Wendy P.S. Teny please remember we are your friends and we Love you as we are all special friends and feeling the same emotions and the same pain as we go through this lonely journey together.

Thanks so much Marty ! I wanted to order myself a Teddy Bear out of one of Steve's shirts and one each for my daughter's for Christmas. Love, Wendy

Marty, Awhile back we were all talking about having quilts or teddy bears done with material from clothes of our loved ones and you gave us a link that had some really great things to have done. I can 't find where that was posted. Could you please give us that again? Thanks ! Love, Wendy

Thanks Derek for reminding me, we missed you here tonight ! That sounds like fun dealing Black Jack do you do that alot? I used to go to Atlantic City once in awhile to gamble, haven't been there in years though. Sorry to hear about the flat tires, that is so sad that someone would do something like that ! What is this world coming to??? If I find out who did it I will kick their butt for you okay ? Love, Wendy ouch !

Hmmm Derek, not sure what you drive but I think I will beat you there. I drive my black PT Cruiser convertable during the week, no real power there but I also have a 1970 442 with a 455 in it that I think would beat the pants off of anything around here, oh yes and it has a hurst shifter, the only way to go ! Catch me if you can.................... Love, Wendy Corinne, That sounds wonderful now add some Dunkin Donuts coffe with that and you got a deal. Gee I haven't been out that way since I was out in the show circuit with my English Angora Rabbits, I may get lost in the dark ! Love, Wendy

OMG I would love to have a sundae, oh man do you think it would melt in the hour and a half it would take me to get to you??? Love, Wendy

Shhhh I gave Derek a few flats so his vehicle will be out of commission for awhile. He will never know it was me ! Love, Wendy P.S. William I would have been flattened right with you, I was on the handle bars remember?

Oh thanks Corinne I will go take them right now, thank goodness I only have to take mine once a day ! Now my inhalers I have to take 3 times a day. William did you take your meds? Looks like we are all home tonight huh? Love, Wendy

Thanks to all of you my friends, I do see I am not alone here. What would we do without eachother, we certainly do understand one anothers feelings don't we? To me that is such a comfort having you all to talk to. I am just amazed how I could not wait for this week to be over and to get some rest and some things done around the house and from the minute I walked through the door I was depressed and lonely and crying. I feel really screwed up! Life is so unfair ! Love, Wendy

Well my friends another weekend is upon us, was wondering what everyone is doing this weekend. As usual I couldn't wait till the weekend got here and as I sit here on the computer I hear nothing but the hum of the computer and a few of my dogs playing. It is only in the low 50's here in Jersey and my daughter is working till 8pm and then has a Karate meeting. It is one of those nights that Steve and I would have gotten take out food and rented a movie and lit the fireplace. Well I rented the movie 1408 by Stephen King and am trying to decide what kind of take out to get but this silence is killing me. I am all alone in this house and I don't like it one bit. Nobody to debate with on what we are having to eat, nobody to sit here with over coffee and open the mail and nobody to cuddle with and watch a good scarey movie. Is everyone else as lonely as I am? Is anyone else as starved for attention as I am? Does anyone else feel this pain is never going to go away? I know it has only been 7 months but this is not getting any better, I feel like an old widow at 49. I am tired of everyone feeling sorry for me and to tell you the truth I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and actually I am just plain tired. I don't want to be told that in time it will get better, I want Steve back...I want my old life back.....I want a future back with him....I want to look forward to the seasons and the Holidays again and without him that just is never going to happen ever again. You know I kinda knew this mood was coming tonight, I was up on the top of the roller coaster last night and I knew I had to swoop down at some point and here I am, can someone stop this ride please, I feel sick !!! Love, Wendy P/S The movie stunk !!!

Me too guys,it was fun taking my mind off my troubles for awhile, thanks ! I have to get up for work too, which has not been the easiest thing to do for the past months. Unlike Suzanne who I believe is the one who said she can't sleep more than about 4 hrs at a time I could sleep and sleep. Anyhow my birds are screaming at me to be fed and watered also and the dogs want their treats. Good night my dear friends just keep in mind something important...Thank God Tomorrow is Friday ! Love, Wendy

William change of plans...hide...hide !!! Wendy

Well this is true, but you can't zip in and out of peoples yards and slip out a back alley ! William you better be good on that new bike of yours or we are gonners ! Wendy

Oh the heck with it can you fit 2 on your new bike? You pedal and I will sit on the handle bars ! Wendy