WendyJ

I love you too Derek, but while you are over here making me take my meds could you fix the door frame for my front door ? After Steve passed we had a bad storm and the wind took the door right out of Melissa's hand and tore the wood in the door frame. Love, Wendy Crap Run William run ! I have asthma and don't run too well so save yourself !!! Love, Wendy

William doesn't love me ! Wendy Awww okay I forgive you ! Don't feel bad I was just teasing you. Yes I took my meds cause Corrine already reminded me, did you take yours? Love, Wendy

Oh Crap...be right back ! Love, Wendy Oh so I suppose you don't love me anymore? LOL Wendy

Make sure you are strapped in good Suzanne as I am told it is one heck of a ride. Word of warning though, I am in the car in front of you and I have motion sickness ! Love, Wendy

Wow Kay I couldn't have written your post better, very well spoken. Love, Wendy

Hold on there, how many of you are from Phoenix Arizona ? I wish that many people were from Jersey ! Welcome Bob, did you introduce yourself or did I miss it? I am sorry if I don't know you. Love, Wendy

What I wouldn't give for one of Steve's big bear hugs right now ! His hugs always made me feel safe and told me everything was going to be okay. Well now everything is not okay, I feel so alone, so scared and so vulnerable. Tonight I have one of those headaches that he would always give me a neck and shoulder massage and make them go away, not tonight...not ever again. I hurt too my friend, I always thought Steve and I would get old together and maybe have the pleasure of having more time together to do fun things and maybe having grandchildren etc. Mike we were the type that could complete eachothers sentences or knew what the other was thinking without having to say a word. You know they say Time Heals all Wounds, I say BS I will never heal from this, I may be able to bear the pain better though in time and that is what I am counting on and so should you. Love, Wendy

Gosh Mike I sure know what you mean, Steve and I had a life together as husband and wife and now I have been left to take care of all the bills and take care of the house etc all on my own. You have now idea how scarey that is for a woman. Some of the things we have talked about in prior posts are going from we or us to just me and also being left to find out just exactly who we are all by ourselves. Since a teenager I only knew who I was WITH Steve. Gosh for the first few months I used to pray daily that I would die too so that I could be with him again. I get in the car at night to come home from work and I get so depressed because I am going home to an empty house, nobody to talk to or tell all about my day to or to joke around with, that part of my life is gone forever ! And you know I think that is why I like to come on here and joke around alittle with everyone as that is a part of Steve I miss alot is his sense of humor and it helps to laugh alitte even though you are hurting so much inside But somehow we must go on and get through our days and we are all feeling the depression and gloom just like you. But you know just keep talking to us and we will try to help you, and you know maybe you will help us too ! Love, Wendy P.S. And nobody says you have to go out there and find someone else. You are not ready for that, but if it happens, that's great if it doesn't then it doesn't. I can't imagine anyone replacing Steve, but I am open to the possibility maybe some day it may happen.

Mike I am so sorry for your loss and believe me you are not alone by any means. Please if you see alittle joking around here it is not because we don't miss our loved ones too, sometimes it helps to just take alittle break from our grieving. I am 49 and my husbnad was 51, and you know I was not doing too bad today until I started wring this and now the tears are flowing. I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 18, so you see we were together over 30 years ! He was my whole world, we did everything together and had a wonderfully close relationship, had 2 beautiful daughters and one day he felt dizzy, had some kind of attack we took him to the hospital they couldn't find anything wrong. A few hours later he got up to go to the mens room, had another attack and then they worked on him for like a half an hour and then they told me he was gone ! No warning, no goodbyes, no growing old together, no both of us seeing our children have their children, now it is just me...and I hate it too. It is a horrible thing to happen to any of us, and it sucks ! Life just isn't fair sometimes and as I sit here writing this balling my eyes out I want to tell you to hang in there and stick with us, we are like one big family here, all hurting terribly and in need of some understanding, and companionship and a place where we can just vent our feelings and find out we are not alone in the way we feel. It is so nice to meet you but I am so sorry we had to meet like this. Love, Wendy

Corrine, I'm sorry but I am still laughing. I just picture you with the broken grill scraper and taking the chair apart etc. And then you and your Mom yelling to the grounds keeper....thank goodness you didn't have something cooking on the stove ! But the best I still say is your sister taking pictures, you must have your sister send you one of those so you can share it with us !!! Love, Wendy

Erica I too know how you feel, sometimes I get by, then like 2 nights ago I cried my eyes out and literally felt like I did in the beginning and then last night I was better and today just feel very tired and drained. It really is like being on a roller coaster ride like someone had said. I really could still cry 24 hrs a day but I try to keep myself pre-occupied. I do know alot of my problems start when I look at Steve's pictures and see that wonderful, handsome face and then I lose it.I refuse to take down his pictures but it hurts so much to look at him, it is almost like I swear he is looking back at me ! Love, Wendy

Now I feel bad because it was hot and humid but I have to tell you ....I am still laughing! I thought those things only happened to me !!! Love, Wendy

Oh Corinne that is the first time in days I laughed out loud ! That is way too funny and you tell your sister she is the one who made me laugh the most with having the sense of humor to take pictures ! I never met you before in person but could so picture the whole thing going on....too funny ! Love, Wendy

Hehehehehe !!! Wendy

I agree William, last night was the first night I did not have to run down to my mothers or the hospital. I had plans to shampoo my livingroom rug, mop the kitchen and do alittle grooming on a couple of my dogs. So what did i do ? Crashed in Steve's recliner and woke up at 5am and crawled in bed !!! Love, Wendy

(CLEARING THROAT OVER LOUD SPEAKER) William to the principles office please !!! Oooo are you in trouble !!! Wendy

Gosh Derek I hope you are right, I can't bear the thought of never seeing him again. I am signing off now for the night as I am having a very rough time tonight as I am crying so much I can't see what I am typing and I am getting too emotional. Good night my friends, again I want to thank all of you who said prayers for my Mom and to you Derek for all of the bible info, it is very fascinating. Love, Wendy

Me too William me too. I am so sad tonight and crying alot for my Steve. I really think this past week and a half with my Mom being ill kept my mind very busy, not that he wasn't a constant thought and now I feel like someone is kicking me in the heart now that I have slowed down. I guess tomorrow will be another day going to work with swollen puffy eyes. Gosh William I miss him so much ! Love, Wendy

So Derek does that mean that when my time comes we will not remember eachother or that we were married? I was hanging on to the hope that we would be together again and now I am confused. When I die I just want to run into his arms and get one of his great big hugs, and tell him how much I missed him so I guess that won't happen? Love, Wendy

Derek writes: someone asks what happens when we marry here on Earth and then the husband dies and remarrys; who does he belong with in Heaven and Jesus responds that we will be like the angels and not given in marriage. Derek, I am confused on what this means, can you explain it to me? Love, Wendy

Karen, I am so so sad but I think if we don't keep just a little humur in our lives we will snap. I am glad you got alittle chuckle out of it, I was hoping for that. Love, Wendy

I whole heartedly agree, the morning they took Steve away in the ambulance is when my home became a house also. I keep trying to decorate the way I always had with new country decorations and moving things around and there is nobody to appreciate any of it or say " Oh that looks nice". I believe that love makes a house a home, and my love is gone. Love, Wendy

Teny, I so much know how you feel, this was mine and Steve's favorite time of year and with the Holidays approaching it makes me feel so sad and lonely without him. The winter appraoching scares me to death with all the snow storms and extreme cold. I feel so lonely like you, a lonliness that nobody could take away but my Steve. It is almost too much to bear ! Love, Wendy

You know Kay, one part of me wants to believe in my heart that I am still married to him and another part thinks how can I when he no longer exists? It is so unfair, wasn't this supposed to happen when we were old and grey, not younger and dying my grey? Love, Wendy

Suzanne, I know exactly how you feel, this sucks ! Almost every night still when I drive home from work reality kicks in and I realize I am again going home to an empty house. Notice I said house because it no longer feels like a home to me. A home only exists when there is family and love to fill it. Since I was 15 my Steve was my world, my other half my reason for living and now he is gone. Gosh Suzanne I wish we lived near eachother as I would love to sit together and talk over a cup of coffee and a piece of pie and tell eachother about our husbands and have a good cry together. I feel so sad and lonely tonight. I think being with my mother in the hospital and all the running around was a deversion for me and now reality has set in again. I feel so sad ! Love, Wendy