sunstreet

Dear Melina, I am so sorry for your loss and the turbulent sea of grief and pain. I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to not get things done as well as before. One thing that really helped me and still does is to think of my pain as waves on the ocean, no matter how big or turbulent the waves are, they all eventualy reach shore and dissipate. Blessings and courage to you all as you learn to weather this loss. Sunstreet

MZM, What a beautiful testament to the love you both shared. I am so sorry for your loss. Keep writing.... Blessings. Sunstreet

I want to let everyone know that I am home and doing well, at least physically. I want to express my heartfelt appreciation to all of you here. I went through surgery well, and they got all the cancer, but developed pneumonia post-op and resulted in a lengthy stay in the hospital. I felt my love with me, and all of you. I also gave it all up to God to carry and that was very helpful for me. I actually had an image of God carrying my pain, so I could be free to just get well. I am so grateful for this site and I just find that words are just so inadequate to express what a life line it has been for me. The first day home from the hospital was the worst. I felt anger unlike I had ever felt and found myself punching our bed, and screaming at Melissa for not being here now. I feel her all around me and yet she can not hold me. I ache with emotional pain, I mourn for her so. Thank you all so very much. Blessings, Sunstreet

NATS, Thank you so very much. Sunstreet

Cheryl, Thank you for your prayers. I am sorry for your loss and the problems you have had to face. Sunstreet

Dear Korina, Thank you so much. Sunstreet

Karen, Thank you very much. Sunstreet

Dear RW, Thank you very much. Sunstreet

Mary Lou, Thank you so very much. Sunstreet

Marty, Thank you so very much. Sunstreet

Deborah, Thank you so much. Sunstreet

Kat, Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Sunstreet

Dear Niamh, Thank you for your well wishes. Thank you for sharing your anger with me as it helps me to feel mine. I am sorry for your pain. Sunstreet

I will not be posting for a time. I find myself feeling some anger that my love is not here now as I face surgery. She would be taking me to the hospital, she would be holding my hand till they took me to the operating room, she would be there when I woke up. She should be here now. I struggle to accept that she chose to end her life. I struggle to let myself feel angry at her for abandoning me, our life, our dreams, our love; and yet I feel angry. I feel all the support here. I am not alone. I can do this, I can face surgery on my own. I will close with an image I use some times that helps me to remember that all feeling states eventually end/change. I think of the image of the waves on the ocean, the wave being all the pain we feel and all waves eventually reach the shore and dissipate, and that wave of pain is transformed. Courage to everyone as we collectively mourn. Blessings, Sunstreet

Oh dear Abby, Courage to you. I understand. You are not alone. Sunstreet

Dear Deb, I totally understand what you are going through. It does feel like throwing salt in the wound with all the paperwork. Hang in, take breaks, and even put it totally away for a day. You are here with a collective group of people who understand. I am just so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. Courage to you. Sunstreet

Dear Niamh, Thank you for the love and hugs, I send you love and hugs as well. I agree it is so sad that the pain of loss/tragedies bring us together now. Niamh, I sense your great pain and I hope it helps you to know that I do understand it. Sometimes our pain can be eased if we are just understood. Another fridge magnet I have reads: "In every living thing is the spirit to be free" At times our pain causes us to feel that we are not free, that we are hostage to our pain and sorrow forever. I don't think it will end but what I do hold onto is that our pain will be transformed into something we can carry and feel our spirit taste and experience freedom again. Courage and blessings to you Niamh. Sunstreet

Marty you are very welcome and thank you so much. Sunstreet

Lainey, thank you so much. I accept your hug. It has been a very long time since I have had a hug. Thank you for thinking of me and praying for me. Blessings, Sunstreet

Marion I am deeply sorry for the loss of your husband and your son. I totally agree that few people want to talk to you when they here the word suicide. I am just so sorry Marion. Reading, painting, writing, are healthy ways of coping for me. Sometimes when driving I will just scream at the top of my lungs. Thank you for the invite to email. I am scheduled for surgery on the 8th, so will be away from my computer for a bit. Blessings, and courage to you Marion. Sunstreet

I feel a need to express my gratitude for all the support. I am so grateful. I commend all of us for the courage it takes to even get words out at times. I too am just so sorry that it is the loss in our life that has brought us together. I was at a very dark place when I decided to make a post here recently. I am grateful to God for giving me the whisper to feel my fear and make the post anyhow. I have a fridge magnet that I read every morning, and every night it reads: "I have always known that I would take this road but I did not know yesterday that it would be today." I share it with you all hoping that it may help you too. I mourn along with you, our heart alone feels so heavy with grief that it feels it can take no more. I think of all of our hearts together and then the heaviness lifts some for me. I feel truly welcomed and understood and feel I can express my darkest pain or thought and it will not be judged. I am blessed. I hope your experience here is the same. When my pain is great, I look to the mountains, I look to the water, I look to the sky, for it is my belief that our loved ones are everywhere now. Thank you and courage to you all as you weather this storm. Sunstreet

I am just so sorry for your loss. I am sure at times the pain seems unrelenting. I thank God for this site too! Sunstreet

Korina, I am just so sorry for your loss. The pain is similar. I do have an inner strength. I am grateful for that and suprisingly I think it was born out of having to survive my life, or letting it lead to my demise. Thank you for reminding me of it. Sunstreet

Niamh, Thank for your post. Thank you for your empathy. Niamh, you have said just the right things. I agree words alone can not describe the pain. One thing that happens to me when I feel a surge/overwhelming emotional pain, is that I also feel frightened, I think that is a symptom of how I was raised. I also offer and eye/ear to listen. Sunstreet.

Korina, Thank your for your post. Thank you for feeling angry on my behalf. I too hope I find someone, more important I hope I let someone into my life to be a support for me. Sunstreet