jackietnd1

What the Devil...is going on in June, guess we are all going through. My husbands birthday is June 8, which I will be celebrating without him for the first time. We all will get through this together I beleive.

Lin, You brought tears to my eyes, that is what I am talking about when I come here people truly understand me. I am so happy you shared with me cause I feel no one understands about the pills, I don't take them everyday or even every week however I do take them and they help. I took them when my Lawrence was alive and he knew about them we hide nothing from each other. This is not easy, not getting better only worst, I did plant flowers yesterday and was just looking at them he would have been so proud of his "QUE", I know his spirit lives on as your Glen does, it's been 8 weeks now, oh and do we ever stop counting. Love Much Jackie

Once again I had the day from HE@@ yesterday, my family tried to help however they kept saying all the wrong things, I know they just wanted to ease my pain. This is far the hardest thing I have had to deal with. I did not drink, however I did take pills which feel the same, and nothing changed I just cried more. I say this to say Yesterday was my husband's 24 anniversary from not drinking and I know he did not want me to do that. I am going to move on and not take the brick to myself. However nothing changes if nothing changes, all I wanted to say. I am sooo gratful to have you all here to just listening to me even if you don't post back, just knowing you are all out there and feeling the same things I feel daily helps so much... Much Love Jackie

Hi am I am sorry for your loss, I loss my husband about 8 weeks ago. Doing the furnal and the services I was strong just doing the next right thing. When everyone left and went on with their lives, the reality set in. I also took care of my husband at home on hospice he lasted 3 months on hospice. I have not experience what you have. I have not been able to keep busy, just not had the engery to do anything. Now it is getting a little better. However when I am alone I feel, which I beleive I must do to get through the grief, I feel the longer I run from it the longer it will be here. Each of us goes through differenty, if you need to keep busy then that is what you do, however realize that there is nothing there is not way you can advoid going through the grief you can postpond however it will always be there waiting. Stay encouraged and take care of yourself. There is some point that all will be done and it will be just you, and at that time we will be here for you like we are now. Much Love Jackie

Hi Kathy, My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your loss, my husband went to heaven on March 21,2008 at 4.35 pm, lying in my arms. He would always tell me he did not want to leave without me being there with him, and I thank God that he allow us that time. I still cry for days, just trying to take care of myself is a struggle however I am eating and most nights I do sleep. Again my heart goes out to you I do feel your pain. Love Jackie

Thanks Ladies, I am feeling good today perhaps I can spell today lol Boy did not know how hard it would be to give Lawrence's belongings away. I wish I could have done it all in one day cause each time someone comes those feelings come. KayC, please let us know about John and whats going on. I love you all this is the only place I can come to and everyone understands me. Stay strong or weak all...and remember God Loves us all. Jackie

Hi I am so sorry for your loss, I can undersand and feel your feelings all I have been doing is crying. I loss my husband about 6 weeks and now all I can do is cry all day, however its ok cause we have to GO THROUGT until we can feel better. You keep your up and feel what God allows you to feel. I really feel for you all the loss your have evperience, however remember God does not put on us more than we can bare, I know that does not sound good however it is true. Take can and remeber WE love you.

todaY i CRIED all day I really miss Lawernce, I don't have days like this all the time however today was hare.has anyone have these been 6 weeks now and I am really feeling the loss, I now I have to GO THROUGS however toeay was very diffucult any advice would be very helpfud. Love you all Jackie

kim, I feel you, i dont have a child howevevee I rhink thr cwee note good. I do feel youe pain, I have been crying all day. It' benn only 6 weeks for me and I am juts going thing. wencourage you to allow youself to feel as I am, I cry when I have and feel what I have to and move on. I love you and keep your head uo and feel what you must to feel,be there for you children. like I said today was very hard fom me however I must go through the feelins ans I a, ok with that. Stay Storong an stay encourage. Love Jackie

Hi Joe, and Everyone Wow I am so proud of you for doing the walk. I also loss Lawrence 6 weeks ago and I feel you on those moment when it just comes, I just go ahead and feel, he meant so much to me aa I know your wife has. Today I woke up feeling good going on with things then I heard a song and lost it, just seat there and screamed and talked to Lawrence cried and all. Then I got up and kept mooving this is the hardest thing I have ever EVER been through however I am going through. As you are Keep the Faith my friend. Jackie

Hi Krazykitty, I am sorry for your lost, and I do feel your pain. I am happy that you posted this is a wonderful group of people who are going through just like you. I am sure there is someone who will be able to give you some suggestions on what to do and how to move on. I am not sure if this will help you. I told myself that to get out of the house more I will take a walk everyday or sit on the pouch which I have been able to do just baby steps. I am not sure if we ever get over our feelings I beleive this is all part of the grief we are going through. Please keep posting and letting me know I am not alone on this journey. And Keep your head up and take care of yourself as much as you can which I am trying to do also. It's been 5 weeks for me.

Hi Caroline, I lost my husband March 21,2008 I am 46 I know that seems young, however I am having the same feelings you are expressing the feeling of being invisable. The thoughs of being too young the sadness I will never see Lawrence again. The crying spells all the greif I must go through. You said being 69 that you should be able to handle this. I am not sure that we are ever able to handle our other half leaving us. Not sure if having grandchildren helps or not I do have one granddaughter not sure if that will help me or not, I know today it doesn't help I am going through as you are. I thank you for the poem as I got joy from it. Please stay encouraged you are a beautiful woman. Jackie

Dusky, Thank you for this list, I am going to order 2 of these books now. I lost my love one Lawrence 5 weeks ago and the fog is lifted now I am going through like all of us Thanks again for this list

SHHH..... I too am sorry for your loss, for me it has been just 5 weeks my Lawrence when home, and coming here was I think the best thing I did. Today was very hard for me I had to go just 1 minute at a time, just crying all day long, crying now. I do understand the pain all of us has to go through. I enjoy reading the post here they help me alot. Jackie

Hi Everyone, Kathy this does not seem silly to me. I am sure I will and am going through alot of first without Lawrence here with me. I am having difficult times when I am alone in this house, and I understand that feeling of hurting like hell. Today I am just trying to get through this day its only 5 weeks and this is the most painful thing in my life I have had to go through, I am sure I will get through this as many people before me has, that doesn't take away the pain, however it does give me comfort, I miss Lawrence and he will always be with me in my heart. Thanks for listening Jackie

Hi Teny, I pray you are feeling a little better today, for me it is only 1 month that my Lawrence made his transition and I understand your pain, I am in pain daily and I can only that each day sometimes 1 minute at a time. I am just trying to stay busy I don't have a job as of yet so I have lots to do around the house and I am just going THROUGH this process as hard as it is. Love Jackie boy did I go all over the place with this, that is how my mine is all over the place.

Very nice I am thinking about getting on in rememberance of Lawrence not that large cause I am scared it will hurt(lol) I really like this. Love Jackie

Hi Kay, I will also keep you and your friends in my prayers. Having someone you love sick is so difficult, I know your friend is blessed to have you there with her as she goes through this. However please remember to take care of yourself in this process... Much Love Jackie

Hi Everyone, Thanks for all your comments, I do not feel alone, I know you all understand. Today I am taking things a mintue at a time. I am missing Lawrence the shock is gone and its real, the bills are coming in and my thoughts are all over the place, today I am going to take a walk, pay a bill and relax the weather is very nice so me and Midnight my little dog will sit on the porch later today, I will be checking back in here to see how everyone else is doing and to just keep in touch, Thanks so much for all the support, as I do feel you all understand me. Love Jackie

My husband passed in my arms, We were sleeping together I woke up and he did not, my sister came and told me he had gone, I am happy he is not in all that pain and just all he was going through however I miss him so much today[Jackie,

Hi Everyone, My name is Jackie and I lost my husband to cancer on 3/21/2008 just over one month ago, I am just begining to feel the lost, I know I was just in a fog up until now, I just feel like I have a HUGE hole in my soul. I thought I would clean my bedroom today however could not do that, haven't been doing to much daily, I do make sure I take a walk to just get out of the house. Since 07/04/2006 I have been home taking care of Lawrence not working, well this was my work. Now my whole world has changed and I just don't know what to do. I can not drink however I really want to, I want something to take away this pain. I was able to read alot of post today on this site before I was allowed to post myself now I can and I am happy to know that I am not alone and there are other people feeling alot of the same things I am. Today was really difficult for me I miss my husband so much, I just feel like someone took the life out of me and I just don't know what or where to go next. I do know that God has me in the palm of his hands and I will get THROUGH this, however I don't want to feel this pain. If there is anyone who can give me some positive suggestions as to how to move on. Not sure if that is the correct choice of words, however I do know this is great pain I am in and I a not alone. Thanks for being here Jackie