Hard night

[rdownes]

Tonight has been one of those hard nights my grandbabies were over and my 5 year old granddaughter keep hugging me and kissing me telling me she loves me and while it warned my heart(she is such a sweetheart) it made me feel sad because Kevin loved his grandbabies beyond words  then they started playing Christmas music and talking about Christmas my heart is very sad and heavy tonight I was talking to Kevin alot today but tonight all I can say is "KEVIN I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU TILL MY LAST BREATH, TILL WE MEET AGAIN, GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN" I know it is normal I know it is part of my grief journey I know it won't last, I know he is here with me trying to dry my tears, letting me know he loves me how he can but sometimes even with knowing all this it can be overwhelming. 

[KATPILOT]

Yes Robin it can be overwhelming. I have been there myself just last night with my own grandchildren. Loving as they are, I still come home to the reality that is my life. Sorry you are having this sad time and though it will pass it will come visiting again. I know Kevin hears you and though it is small comfort, it is true that you are not completely alone.

 

[kayc]

Robin,

Just keep talking to him, Hon, I believe he hears you.  Isn't it hard that something as innocuous as a grandchild's love can be a trigger to set off these feelings!  And Christmas...I don't even want to think about that yet.  I know kids love Christmas and can't wait for it, but I can't take three months of it!  Let me enjoy Fall first.  Take them out and let them crunch the leaves and pick a bouquet of colorful leaves.  Even that can be a trigger for me as George and I used to drive out in the woods every year and pick leaves to make an arrangement for our table.

[rdownes]

Thank you Steve and Kaycee today is easier my grandbabies spent the night we went to the park saw my butterfly so Kevin was there it made me feel better I know bad nights happen but I had to scream it out to get it out ,yes it is weird what causes sadness something that should bring joy thank you for listening hugs

[mittam99]

3 hours ago, rdownes said:

... today is easier my grandbabies spent the night we went to the park saw my butterfly so Kevin was there it made me feel better I know bad nights happen but I had to scream it out to get it out ,yes it is weird what causes sadness something that should bring joy thank you for listening hugs

Robin, I need to paraphrase that famous philosopher, Forrest Gump. This life of grief is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. Each day, each moment, we seem to be struggling to find our way. No matter what, there's always that intense sadness waiting to find a moment to overwhelm us. Just as last night was intensely hard for you, today you feel a sense of light, maybe even some sense of comfort. It's the unending ebb and flow of grief.

In a way, I envy those that have their children and their grandchildren to have and hold. It's a real blessing. My new world is a lonely and bleak one, devoid of love and affection. Tammy was all I had. But, at least I had the undying love of a wonderful woman and I will carry that love inside me until the time comes for me and my darling bride to reunite.

Mitch

[Jgillen]

Yes...  Even knowing they can hear us, sometimes isn't enough.  We miss sharing those moments with them...  Seeing their smile, laughing together.   It is very hard.  Keep talking.  Until you meet again!!

[KATPILOT]

That's right. In aviation it is called transmitting in the blind. You speak in case someone is listening. We may not know if they hear us every time but you have to keep talking. The human soul is a powerful transmitter. It can reach all the way to heaven.

[rdownes]

Mitch you are not alone you always have us even though I have never met you personally I care very much you have helped me so much and your words touch my heart you are a good person yes it is a blessing to have them but it doesn't remove the pain that is always there and yes you HAVE Tammy's love she will always be with you. You are truly blessed.  Jgillen and Steve  it is so true sometimes even knowing they are their in spirit doesn't help the pain but I am a learning to accept the pain as it comes and goes I know they hear us there is no question for me love that we all had could never die I just have to keep moving forward even when knocked down for a night, which will be hard at times. I want to let everyone know how much I care about them and appreciate them hugs