And other grievers

[Margm]

In George Burns' mind, the show did not go on without Gracie.  He regularly visited her vault in Glendale to discuss things with her.  "I don't know if she hears me, but I do know that everytime I talk to her I feel better."  He waited nearly 25 years after her death to write "Gracie: A Love Story."  He wrote "how could I have put off what turned out to be such a rewarding and somehow comforting experience for me?"  Burns even told Gracie about the book.  Evidently she approved because she did not say anything.  The book's opening line is typical Burns.. "For forty years my act consisted of one joke.  And then she died."  

I read the biography of Martha Washington and for some reason I was not fond of her.  But, after reading about her life without George, I grew to be of the same mind as her.  I understood.  Sensing her own health was deteriorating, Martha laid out the white satin dress she wished to be buried in.  She studied her Bible every day and looked forward to the day she would reunite with him.  and she joined him less than two years later.  I grew to admire her more.

Now Mary Todd Lincoln, that was another story, and honestly I understand her, but she let her grief be loud and dramatic.  I guess like my screaming into the pillows. (But I made sure no one was around.)  She would throw herself on the floor, or where ever she was.  She lost all but one child and Lincoln also in a preview of Kennedy's wife holding him after he was shot.  She wrote that she had never experienced such desolation, which we can all agree with.  But she outlived him quite a few years, some time spent in an insane institution, put there by her son.  Martha went quietly, Mary Todd with a dramatic end.  

Mark Twain,  that was another story.  His wife was 58, he was 68.  He wore the white suits believing they would enliven his spirit.  He wrote "She was my life, and she is gone, she was my riches, and I am a pauper."  

Many more famous people from Milton Hershey to Norman Rockwell, C.S. Lewis, even Grandma Moses. (Some people I was not familiar with,) but they all grieved, just as we do.  Some found other mates.  And one reason Grandma Moses took up her painting was to "keep busy."  I think she "kept busy" until about age 101.  

All I took from reading this book was that we were never alone in our grief, just as we already know.  I kinda like the way Martha did it though, she did not wail and whip herself like Mary Todd Lincoln did.  But, I understand both women's mentality.

One day soon I will travel to my mama's territory, the land that helped me grow up.  All of this less than 30 miles away. I will remember Mama showing me how to use the resin from the sweet gum tree mixed with stretch berries to make a gum that tasted better than the old "Beech-Nut" gum.  I will remember our many hickory nut hunts and berry picking and how Mama could beat anyone picking any kind of berry.  I will remember the little country store and the house on the hill where all the family had grown up.  Only vast pine tree markets are in those places now.  I will go by myself and I will visit where my mama was born and could hear the panther's crying at nights in the thick woods.  I will visit the old Salem Cemetery where all the relatives sleep now.  I won't put silk flowers on my grandmother's grave.  She requested never any silk flowers. I think I am doing this to confront my not feeling as much grief over my mama. Then I will have come full circle in coming home, alone.  I began it without Billy.  I end it the same.  

[rdownes]

I love your way with words Marg and all the interesting stories you share, I just think that you won't end it alone though Billy will be there with you in spirit and in your heart

[Margm]

As he always said "I am him and he is me" and I guess as long as that is true he will still be with me, and I know it would scare me to death if he did actually talk to me when I talk to him.  This is anniversary month for about 3-4 of us on here and I hate October.  Thanks for the kind words.  

[Cheryl J]

5 hours ago, Marg M said:

In George Burns' mind, the show did not go on without Gracie.  He regularly visited her vault in Glendale to discuss things with her.  "I don't know if she hears me, but I do know that everytime I talk to her I feel better."  He waited nearly 25 years after her death to write "Gracie: A Love Story."  He wrote "how could I have put off what turned out to be such a rewarding and somehow comforting experience for me?"  Burns even told Gracie about the book.  Evidently she approved because she did not say anything.  The book's opening line is typical Burns.. "For forty years my act consisted of one joke.  And then she died."  

I read the biography of Martha Washington and for some reason I was not fond of her.  But, after reading about her life without George, I grew to be of the same mind as her.  I understood.  Sensing her own health was deteriorating, Martha laid out the white satin dress she wished to be buried in.  She studied her Bible every day and looked forward to the day she would reunite with him.  and she joined him less than two years later.  I grew to admire her more.

Now Mary Todd Lincoln, that was another story, and honestly I understand her, but she let her grief be loud and dramatic.  I guess like my screaming into the pillows. (But I made sure no one was around.)  She would throw herself on the floor, or where ever she was.  She lost all but one child and Lincoln also in a preview of Kennedy's wife holding him after he was shot.  She wrote that she had never experienced such desolation, which we can all agree with.  But she outlived him quite a few years, some time spent in an insane institution, put there by her son.  Martha went quietly, Mary Todd with a dramatic end.  

Mark Twain,  that was another story.  His wife was 58, he was 68.  He wore the white suits believing they would enliven his spirit.  He wrote "She was my life, and she is gone, she was my riches, and I am a pauper."  

Many more famous people from Milton Hershey to Norman Rockwell, C.S. Lewis, even Grandma Moses. (Some people I was not familiar with,) but they all grieved, just as we do.  Some found other mates.  And one reason Grandma Moses took up her painting was to "keep busy."  I think she "kept busy" until about age 101.  

All I took from reading this book was that we were never alone in our grief, just as we already know.  I kinda like the way Martha did it though, she did not wail and whip herself like Mary Todd Lincoln did.  But, I understand both women's mentality.

One day soon I will travel to my mama's territory, the land that helped me grow up.  All of this less than 30 miles away. I will remember Mama showing me how to use the resin from the sweet gum tree mixed with stretch berries to make a gum that tasted better than the old "Beech-Nut" gum.  I will remember our many hickory nut hunts and berry picking and how Mama could beat anyone picking any kind of berry.  I will remember the little country store and the house on the hill where all the family had grown up.  Only vast pine tree markets are in those places now.  I will go by myself and I will visit where my mama was born and could hear the panther's crying at nights in the thick woods.  I will visit the old Salem Cemetery where all the relatives sleep now.  I won't put silk flowers on my grandmother's grave.  She requested never any silk flowers. I think I am doing this to confront my not feeling as much grief over my mama. Then I will have come full circle in coming home, alone.  I began it without Billy.  I end it the same.  

Marge, thank you so much for these words. The different stories are proof that no grief is handled the same. There is no rule book that says how we are supposed to grieve or that we are wrong in the way we grieve. 

Cheryl