AB3 Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 My love had the biggest heart, he was so kind, giving and loving even to those who may not have deserved such positive regards. But his heart was "broken", he had an enlarged heart and had to have a heart transplant back in 2009 at the age of 22. He was given a second chance at life and through that we were able to meet and fall in love. He was sick several times during our relationship, often in and out of the hospital for rejection. He had to take so much medications every day in order to "live". But you know what? He never complained, not once but I saw how tired he was towards the end. The summer of 2016 was the worse, he got sick and never seemed to bounce back from it. He had a rare type of rejection that was hard to treat because there were no straight forward treatment plans. His body was pumped with all sorts of meditations to try to treat it. For awhile we thought it would work but then he would get sick again. I hated that he had to go through all that pain, and honestly I never really knew how much pain he really was in. He always kept a smile on and maintained his good sense of humor and positive outlook on life. I really wish I knew his mindset at the end but he didn't open up to me. His sister later told me that he had been more sick then he let on, and that he didn't want me to know. Thar hurts me so bad because I would have made him go to the hospital. But I think he was just tired of fighting so hard to live and being in constant pain. I can't blame him for that but selfishly I want him here. It seems as though the people with the biggest hearts suffer the most.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Hi AB3... I think maybe they do...hugs, Marie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 AB, I so well know from whence you cometh, and in the limited way that I can I mourn your loss with you. I had to watch my wife gradually go downhill. By 2015 she was so sick and miserable all the time. Numerous trips in & out of the hospital, a couple of minor surgeries with complications (a terrible infection brought about by a nurse leaving the cap to a pen under a bandage--nurses should not be allowed to use ballpoint pens with removable caps), etc. etc. Toward the end she tried so very hard to not let me know how sick and miserable she was, but I always knew. Your first month is almost over. Cudos to you for hanging in there. One day at a time...right? Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 I hear you. My beautiful wife Tammy was one of the kindest, sweetest and most loving people you'd ever meet. Even though she spent nearly half her life fighting the ravages of systemic Lupus, you'd never know it with her positive outlook. She always had a smile on her face. The amount of medical ordeals that Tammy went through was staggering. Lung surgery, abdominal surgery, multiple times with life threatening sepsis, kidney infections, kidney stones, heart issues, a cardiac arrest, an infection so severe the doctors weren't sure they could save her leg, MRSA, unexplained hemorrhaging, cellulitus, balance issues, weakness. She also had Raynaud's and Sjogren's syndromes. She was on nearly 17 medications. And that's just a small portion of the medical problems she dealt with. Her doctors called her a medical miracle because she often survived when they didn't think she would. She was and always will be my inspiration. Not just for the love I still and will always feel inside for her but her amazing courage and overwhelming zest for life. At only 45 years old her body just gave out, unexpectedly and suddenly. It hurts so bad. It hurts because I lost my whole world when Tammy died. And it hurts because Tammy had so much more to give to this world. Mitch 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB3 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 9 minutes ago, olemisfit said: One day at a time...right? Darrel Yup Darrel one day at a time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB3 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 7 minutes ago, mittam99 said: It hurts so bad. It hurts because I lost my whole world when Tammy died. And it hurts because Tammy had so much more to give to this world. Mitch Yes Mitch, that's what hurts the most, losing our world and thinking of how much they still had to give. I think about that often. All the dream he had that he wasn't able to accomplish....it's just so sad.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 1 hour ago, AB3 said: honestly I never really knew how much pain he really was in. He always kept a smile on and maintained his good sense of humor and positive outlook on life. I really wish I knew his mindset at the end but he didn't open up to me. AB, if that is the case, then it seems to me that whenever your beloved was with you, he was at his happiest, and he did his best to forget his illness, to act as healthy, and to pack as much of living a "normal" life as he possibly could in the precious time that he had with you ~ and I hope it brings you comfort to know that normalcy and happiness is what you provided to him. I'm sure he must have loved you for that. ♥ 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB3 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Marty, that's all I could hope for. Is that I made him happy despite the pain he was in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Yes, AB, let this be your hope, and your belief. There is no greater gift to your beloved than your love ~ and may you find a way to let it be enough ♥ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 AB, I so understand. My story involved a transplant too, but excuse me for not being able to tell more because I cannot write about it without crying a lot. It is still painful. My boyfriend endured so much for it. But with strength, optimism, a smile. I stop now. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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