Shock, Disbelief, Pain, And Depression

[Pandorasbox]

It's been a little over 6 weeks since my dad's sudden death, and I am still a wreck. My whole family is, especially my mom. I'm the only one nearby, all the time, and I should be going over to check on her, and see her more often, but I'm having a hard time getting past my own issues to do much of anything. I do call and talk to her at least once every day, usually more.

What's worse is all this crime/court stuff seems to be coming to some sort of head, or at least I hope so. Well, I don't hope so, in that I wish that we weren't even in this mess, or that the perp would just plead, but if it's going to go anywhere else (trial), I'd rather get it done and over with. I imagine it will get pushed out, again, as the perp is trying to hire a new lawyer, right now, but there is a chance we could see the inside of a courtroom within the next couple of weeks. It's a double-edged sword, I tell ya. This stuff was going on long before my dad died, and he was a tremendous help through it all, and now we're approaching what's probably going to be the worst part, and my dad's not here. I'm still pretty much a walking zombie, from grief, and yet I still have this to deal with. At the same time, I do hope it's goes through now, and we get it over with. For one thing, having this hanging over our heads is compounding my grief over my dad, so maybe having it out of the way would help...?

I have the feeling that this is going to get a whole lot more painful, before it starts to get better. I don't know how I'm going to make it through it all, as I'm doing good to keep putting one foot in front of the other, right now. This is what I wrote to my husband in an IM, this morning, "I'm stuck between having no desire to do anything, and the physical feeling of being stuck in molasses and not able to do much, with very much speed. Reluctant Slow-mo."

How in the world do I steel myself from the inevitable pain of what's to come, all while dealing (badly) with my dad's death?

Help.

[shell]

Pandorasbox,

I can't imagine going through the grief of losing your dad (and it has been such a short time) and having to deal with a trial at the same time. You have my deepest sympathies. My mom always says, "We do what we have to". I never really understood that until I had to go through some tragedy in my life. And, somehow, you DO get through what you have to. And I'm sure your dad will be right by your side, watching over you, while you have to deal with this.

As far as the feeling of being stuck in molasses, that's very well put! Even after a little over a year of my dad dying, I am sometimes almost manically active and then other times I feel like I can't do anything! I sometimes wonder when, if ever, that will go away! I'd like a happy medium.

Good luck and hang in there,

Shell

[Pandorasbox]

Thank you, Shell. I really hope that my dad will be alongside me, through all of this court stuff, but as you know, it's just not the same. I want/need him HERE, physically.

Today is one of "those" days, and it's only 10am here. I woke up crying, and feel like I can barely move. The time when my husband gets home from work can't come soon enough.

I'd go climb under a rock, right now, if I had the energy to find one.

Why does life have to be so complicated and painful? I just don't understand.

[shell]

Pandorasbox,

A little over six weeks is such a short time. I was hardly still functioning at that time when my dad died (suddenly and unexpectedly too). I know this may sound more depressing to hear, but it is going to take a long time to deal with this, so please give yourself a break and realize you are doing ok and will do better a little at a time. We all seem agree that you have to take it one day (we even say hour, moment, minute!) at a time. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with so much at once. Just hang in there and go easy on yourself, know that's it's ok to feel the way you do and that it will get a little bit easier as time goes by, honestly. You'll be able to cope a little better.

Good luck,

Shell

[Jenna]

Hello, this is my first time on this site, and my very first response....so bare with me:)

I've been sitting here for the last 15 min. reading thru different topics and discussion groups. I've come close to crying about 5 times. I thought I was eqipped enough to handle my grief by myself (and friends), but I've discovered it's too hard. I'm hoping to find similiarities between myself and others. Friends try to be a comfort, but they've never been thru this.

My mom passed away 4 months ago from a heart attack at age 51. I've been to see a psychic and that didn't really help. I've been to church almost every Sunday....I've prayed....this is certainly a pain I never imagined experiencing.

Day by day does get easier. But the slightest thing can set you into a heavy sob. Don't watch Oprah:) Tear jerker everytime.

I also found it difficult to talk to my grandma...it just made me more sad you know. But your mom really needs you right now. Keep commuicating with your husband about your feelings, and let him be your emotional support. I'm hoping this discussion group will help us both.

Your in my prayers,

Jenna

[KathyD]

Hi everyone,

This is also my first post and I hope I didn't accidentally delete anyone's since I always have trouble registering/signing in. While I don't face the exact struggles that everyone else is facing, I lost my father last Thursday and have been a complete emotional wreck. We had a very close and rare relationship and I keep thinking that he's not gone then look at the obituary and know that he is. This turns on the waterworks immediately and I've not yet gone to either the funeral or memorial (the funeral is tomorrow). It doesn't help that I've suffered from major depression for years! I know I'm being a downer, but the feelings that we all are feeling are real and although they are part of the process I feel like telling the process to take a hike. I empathize with everyone because the emotions are undescribable. My brother leaves in two days which leaves me to deal with my Mom and eldery Grandmother...I don't know if I can take it on top of the loss of my Dad. He literally was my everything.

Sorry again to be a downer but a friend sent me this link since she thought it might be helpful. I hate to see anyone suffer.

Kathy

[Seanboy]

Hi kathy,

I don't think your being a downer. Losing someone you love is one of the hardest things to come to terms with. There are so many emotions that you "try" to come to grips with that it takes its toll on anyone who has to "live" through it.

I always say, I'd give a million dollars for five more minutes with mom if I could. I wouldn't need to talk, all I'd need is a five minute hug. God I miss her something terible.

Love to all,

Sean....................................

[KathyD]

Thank you so much Sean!

"Trying" is most definitely harder than coping. I have a letter my Dad wrote to me a week ago before he passed where he wrote "I love having a 35 year old daughter than I can talk and talk and talk with. We had the chance to have an unusual relationship, and I obviously love you." Please don't take his words the wrong way - me and my Dad just used to be able to joke about everything and discuss things in the news the way he was never able to with the rest of my family. I haven't gotten to the missing him so much I can't stand it point, but I'm glad I signed up for this board since I now know that I'm not the only person who cared a great deal for a parent. Sean...I would give anything for that parental hug too and understand you perfectly. Thank you.

Kathy