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Completely overwhelmed...


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I guess I don't know where to start. It's been just over one week since I got the call that my father was being taken to the hospital. Everyone was really reassuring, even my dad telling my Aunt he was fine and didn't need to go. He went to just go see why he wasn't feeling quite right after getting his teeth pulled that morning. Only about an hour and half later I get a call from a hospital that his heart stopped, but they got it back going and they had a team of people working on him. I immediately said I was going to be on my way (I live in Missouri approx 5 1/2 hours from my dad in IL) but in less than an hour I got a call saying he was gone... I have no words other than I am completely heart broken. I couldn't get to him soon enough, I didn't get to talk to him, or see him. I am an only child, I'm 29 and my dad was 54. We were very close and talked pretty much every day on the phone, except that day... I am really struggling because I am the only one left to take care of my fathers estate and business and IRS debt. I spend my days filing paper work talking to lawyers and appraisers. I'm so overwhelmed I feel like I can't even grieve my father's passing. I just have to keep working to get everything taken care of and I just wish I could call and talk to him so bad. It doesn't feel real, my brain doesn't work right, I can't make myself believe what is happening... I feel so confused about what I'm feeling. 

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Oh, my dear one, you are so very raw in the loss of your dad.  I am so sorry you did not have a chance to say good-bye to him.  I know it must be so overwhelming for you to have to take care of the paperwork.  You will have time to do the grieving you need to do when things settle.  I can only imagine how very much you want to talk with your dad right now.  Talk to him even though it is not how you want to talk to him.  Later, when all the paperwork is over you will have time to grieve the way you need to.  I hold you in my heart as you go through this painful time.  Lean on us.  We will be here for you.  Later, you might want to find a good grief counselor to help you through this.  How could you not be confused about what you are feeling. 

Anne 

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I am so sorry, I know it feels like a nightmare.  It's very hard to have to deal with so much when all you want to do is stay under the covers and grieve.  You will have time to do that when the dust settles, I hate that so much is demanded of us when we're least able to give it.  I felt that way when my husband died, I couldn't even think.  When my father died I was 29 but I was married and expecting my first child, that helped.  It was hard because I felt gypped out of a life with my dad, he didn't get to know my kids, but I talked to them about him, told them stories, had his picture up, told them how proud he'd be of them, the things they would have loved about him, how we all got our sense of humor from him.

It's okay to talk to him, I know it's not the same as it was, it's so hard when we can't touch them or hear their voice.  You're probably having all kind of emotions at once, all of them normal, even if conflicting at times.  

I'm just so sorry, I know it's hard.

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I know how you feel, I went through something similar with my mom. We had a couple weeks at least but it was still sudden. I'm your age and an only child too. It's awful, it's been a couple of months but it's still unreal to me. The paperwork and legal issues can be good to keep you busy, but it's also stressful. If you need someone to talk to who is going through a similar situation feel free to send me a message.

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