Happy Father's Day

[Margm]

“The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.” 
― Antoine François Prévost, Manon Lescaut

It was a natural thing to him, being a father. When I went to work nights, so my children would be safe night and day, I knew I was leaving the house, leaving those two precious children in a man's hands that was a better mother and father than I would ever be. This father of my children was beyond anything any woman would ever want a father to be to her children. He never made them think they were using up his time, because his time was their time, until the day he left. This man was (to our family) the best possible father, mother, protector, and he never gave up on them. He never would have. My dad was my dad, I loved him, but this man was something I had never seen. He had time for his kids and he never begrudged one minute of it. And, while they were around, that same love was given to his grandchildren and to this grandchild that called him Dade, he was hers and she was his from the time she was placed in his arms by her mother. I dare say there were other good fathers, but I never knew one that was as close to perfect as this man. I was proud of him. So were his children. He is so very much missed.

( I put up my memory of my father yesterday for Father's Day.)  My dad was a most honorable man.  He never had what this man I married had though.  I cannot say he didn't love us, because in his own way he definitely did, but a lot of times we got in his way, we got in the way of things he wanted to do by himself.  This was the difference in my dad and Billy.  It did not matter what Billy was doing, if his kids, or his grandkids (Brianna was more a daughter), he never showed that he begrudged one second of giving up what he was doing.  It was what his kids and grandkids wanted that was the most important thing to him and I dare say he never had one day of guilt that he had not given them his 100%.  This man was a perfect father that I, nor his kids or grandkids, especially Brianna, could ever find one fault in as a father.  

[Margm]

I think I am by nature a very selfish person and think about myself and mine before anyone else. This is to all the father's past, present and future and the most powerful impression of love you leave with your children.

[Gwenivere]

Steve and I never had kids, just our furry ones.  I never really gave Father’s Day a thought til this year.  Maybe because of so much time passing.  He referred to himself as BSD (big strong dad).  Whenever something big needed done, he’d do it.  Always proud of himself for our family.  This year its hitting me hard his not being here.  The 'kids' would always give him a card.  He’d BBQ.  All this just goes back to all was right in the world with him here.  And what wasn’t, we would fix or endure together.  Our eldest dog is of concern as she is off with something.  I’ve never had to deal with that alone.   I wonder how long I can keep pretending I am a part of things.  Supposed to go grocery shopping, but the thought of seeing all those engaged in life people is daunting.  I’ll just end up right back here.  Alone.  All I am wanted/needed for everyday is my dogs care.  That’s a far cry from my former life.  That may be enough for some people, but not me.  Volunteering has become hard as there is someone in power who dislikes me so much and I don’t know why, so new restrictions keep piling up on me.  Showers, laundry, eating, brushing, my teeth have become monumental.   I’m not even sure my counselors get it anymore.   They keep saying we need to find you a reason to carry on.  Nice idea.  I was kinda on that path til this year.  Too long and going to keep going that way from here on out.  Maybe it was the undeniable fact it is true he is gone and as long as I  breathe he’ll never  be a part of life.  

There is a line in Queens Bohemian Rhapsody that says.....

I don’t want to die, but sometimes wish I’d never born.  

Never ever thought I would feel that way. Guess I lived a charmed life til he was taken.

miss posting upbeat posts, at least with some light in them.  Maybe that time will come back.   

[kayc]

Father's Day is and always will be hard for me.  I hope the Fathers here had a good day, as good a day as they can under the circumstances.  I think I have been in too much pain to think of much else.  Didn't make it to church so didn't get to do "Pies for the guys" (we bake pies to give out to the men on Father's Day).  George died in a hospital worrying about his pie, it was Father's Day 2005.  He didn't get his pie.