So Lost

[jens]

I lost my boyfriend of 5 wonderful years on March 27th at the age of 43. He went to the doctor under protest from me and his family in Feb. The basic bloodwork came back with some concerns of diabetes, cholesterol and possible blood pressure/heart issues. He got some sample meds from his family doctor with the understanding that he needed to do further testing soon. He felt better and did the natural thing that people do, was to procrastinate. He never made that appt. He came to see me that Mon night. He was complaining of nothing being wrong. I was looking up info for him online and then he said "ok lets just cuddle" We laid on my bed to watch tv and I asked him a question and he didn't answer me. I turned my head to see why he didn't answer and I saw his face. He was in full cardiac arrest. I did my best to do the right thing. CPR and mouth to mouth, but it happened so fast. After the paramedics came and then took him I knew it wasn't good. When I got to the hospital they asked me to wait in a little room. Shortly after that the doctor came and said that it was unfortunate but he didn't make it. I still cant believe this is true. I know it is true but a part of me cannot accept that I wont see him or touch him again. Everything that I have waited for to find a person who loves me so easily and I love him so much. I have started talking one on one to a bereavement counselor for the first time last week. I hope it helps. I feel so alone. Mine and our friends are distant. I know that this scared them on the security of their own relationships. I am a strong person but feel so alone right now in handling this.

[LarrysGirl]

I know that this is a difficult time for you. We've all been going thru the same kind of experience. I am so sorry for your loss. I still have trouble with the thought of never getting to hear his voice and have a hug. I miss him terribly. I'm not coping too well myself but I wanted you to know that this site it where I come, daily, to feel normal, supported and cared for. My friends have stayed away. My hospice counselor is a wonderful help but I don't get to see her but every two weeks. So I just wanted you to know that the people here care and DO UNDERSTAND!! Just keep writing and we will all respond. Deborah

[kayc]

I am so sorry for what you have been and are going through. We have been going through the same kind of thing. It is very hard to lose the person we love most in the whole world and they are irreplaceable. Please keep coming to this site, it helps so much to air your feelings and for us to all share and encourage each other. This site has been a lifesaver to me.

[jens]

It is making me feel better visiting this site. It makes me feel less "out there" trying to handle each day. I have talked to a bereavement counselor twice so far and it has helped, they are very good at what they do. Tomorrow would have been Kocho's 44th birthday. Our birthdays are only 2 weeks apart and it makes me said knowing that this year there will be no joint celebration in our traditional way in a weekend or two. Also this weekend is his 40 days ceremony at the church. He was greek orthodox so there are particular traditions that are recognized. It will be hard to once again meet but I think in some way I will gain strenth from our friends and his family. Thank you for your replies, it truly helps.

[teddysgal]

Jens: Sorry about your loss. If you read my post, you know that I lost my husband on 27 Mar 06, as well. We would have been married 7 years on 5 Jun 06. It is absolute h e l l. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I haven't been on this board much because not many people seem to respond. I go to this one all the time.

http://beyondtalk.beyondindigo.com/discuss...=3&discussion=6

There are people on it all the time, and someone is always responding. There are some great people on it and some are more current than us, some around the same time, and some have been a yr, 2 years, and on up. Check it out.

Also, I someone on the site told me about a site where you can create a memorial to your loved one. I created one for my hubby: http://rickey-gay.last-memories.com. Please check it out and light a candle for my hubby.

If you decide you want to create one for your love, go to www.last-memories.com. It is a really easy site to use. They charge a registration fee of $25, but that gets you the website permanently. It has helped me creating this for him and me. You can load pictures, music, videos, tell their life story, people can light candles, leave condolences, and personal memoirs.

Care Care. Hope to see you on the other site. Deidra