Newbie here

[themoreitchanges]

I joined this site about a year ago, and procrastinated and avoided and forgot, etc.

One problem I have is that I am not sure where to file my grief. The most obvious source of grief for me is my mother, just turned 90 and in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. Lately she has trouble recognizing me. Sometimes she will fly into a rage and spit obscenities, something she NEVER did when healthy. And she's in Pennsylvania and I'm in Calif. so I only get to see her once a year.

Then there's my father, long gone, passed in 1995. I look like him and share some personality traits. His loss was not sudden, and I thought I was ready for it, but now I see that a quarter of a century later there is still a big hole in me where he used to be.

And it seems I am also grieving for myself, 65 and never had the life I imagined when young. It's mostly my fault but that certainly doesn't make me feel better.

I ignored all this for years, until my therapist pointed out how deeply grief is affecting my life; even grief decades old. I didn't know that grief could last like this.

I would like to have a face2face grief group, which I think would serve me better, but even here in San Francisco I have been unable to find one. UCSF has one but I don't qualify because Mom is still alive, sort of. A stupid rule in my opinion. So if anyone knows of such a group in SF, please let me know. Until then I will try not to avoid this site so much.

Be well, everybody.

Dave H.

[kayc]

Mother: anticipatory grief

Father: parents

Self:  Not sure there is a place to fit that one but I think it's applicable to all of us.  I know my life sure hasn't gone as planned!  And now I'm turning 67 this years, growing old alone...sure didn't plan that!

Yeah, grief is a life long journey.  I've lost so many, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, niece, nephew, sister, friends, pets, the hardest, my husband.  Second hardest will be when I lose my dog Arlie.  And also my sister Peggy which could be any time around the corner.  Even Kitty, as cantankerous as she is at 24, will be hard.  Those who are a part of our everyday lives hit us hard as it affects every aspect of our being.  My husband has been gone 14 years Father's Day and there hasn't been one day since but what he's on my mind and I miss him.

Welcome here...I'm in Oregon, not SF, but gosh there should be a grief support group there as big as it is!  Have you contacted Hospice for help locating one?  I googled grief support groups San Francisco and got more  places/times than I can list!

[MartyT]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Have you contacted Hospice for help locating one?  I googled grief support groups San Francisco and got more  places/times than I can list!

Excellent suggestions, Kay ~ thank you. See also Finding Grief Support That Is Right for You