What Am I Feeling Now?

[shubom]

It's been 5 months since my mom passed. It's been an emotional rollercoaster and I'm trying to learn how to better balance myself.

Lately, I've noticed that when people ask me how I'm doing, I always say I'm doing fine. And I don't cry as much anymore. Because of this, sometimes I think I'm ok.

But there are times when I've noticed that after they ask, they stick around for a few minutes talking, and that's when I can't handle it anymore and the tears well up.

I guess what I'm saying is, it feels like I put on a fake mask that only lasts for 1-2 minutes. Anytime after that, the mask starts to melt away, and the tears pour out.

So am I being fake to my emotions? Am I dealing with my grief correctly? What am I feeling ! I can't pinpoint it. Why is it so complicated !

[KathyD]

Shubom,

I understand the "mask" thing completely. I've been trying to be more social but find that I have to put on an act to get through anything. When I'm alone I also feel as though I'm doing better despite the fact that Dad passed only two months ago, but after I have to deal with people I feel stressed and at times break down. I'm wearing the mask, too, and think that it IS normal. Coping with death is an awful experience and we do what we have to psychologically to get by. I don't want to come across as a downer to my friends and family so I put on a face and sort of run on autopilot until I'm by myself and alone with my feelings. Trying to act normal when you're grieving is hard and I think putting on masks is one way to try to fit into a world which has been turned upside down. Nothing is the same so experiences that used to be natural aren't the same either. I hope this makes some sense...

Kathy

[Penny1]

Hey Girls

I think we all become masters of deception when it comes time to answer the never ending "How are you doing?" question...

I work with the public and so many of our clients know me so well.... they can tell when I am having an "off" day....

I just make a point of smiling and tell them that life is great I am just a little tired today... and then change the subject...

shubom, you aren't being fake, you are just being genuine and thoughtful that you would rather put on that mask than bother anyone with your grief... I know it all too well so don't be hard on yourself...

Hugs

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I too have a hard time when people say how are you doing?? I always say oh I am fine even when I am tearing myself apart inside... I just get so upset when people keep asking me the question that I just say that to make it quick and simple so I do not have to make along and stretched out version of how I really feel... Do people really want to know how you are feeling or are they just wanting to make conversation or do you not know what else to say to you... Take care Shelley

[Paul S]

Saying that you feel "FINE" is perfectly OK, if you mean that you are feeling Frustrated, Irritable, Negative and Emotional..

[STARKISS]

Hi Paul S,

How did you know that is exactly what I feel most times... Thanks Paul That is perfect.... Take care Shelley

[Jester]

Paul:

That is absolutely brilliant, next time I say "I'm FINE, thank you", I won't feel like such a liar.