Nichole Posted November 4, 2019 Report Share Posted November 4, 2019 (edited) It's been 2 weeks now since I made the quick decision to put the love of my life and soulmate to sleep. Her name was Lulu. She was a rescue pit that I got back in 2003 when I was 16 years old. Lulu was my life. I don't have children of my own and the past 16 years she has been by my side. Thursday October 17th Lulu started to walk funny, almost like she was drunk. It got worse by Friday and then Saturday where she couldn't get up on her own, or it was very hard for her (she was so stubborn) and proud. This had happened back in July but she recovered. This time seemed much worse. Friday night I was up with her all night and watched her struggle to get up or even go to the bathroom without falling over. I had wanted to wait till Monday to see how she was doing, but couldn't bare to see her in pain. I thought I knew at the time it would be selfish for me to keep her here for me. I didn't want her to be embarrassed or have her pain be unbearable. I didn't want to drag her to the vet either, so I went Friday to get her pain meds to keep her comfortable. I had an appointment to have her put down Monday but after spending Friday night with her struggling, I contacted the vet Saturday morning. I texted the vet to come by to let lulu pass in my arms at our home. This was the hardest text ive ever had to send knowing in a few short hours the love of my life would be gone forever. I always knew lulu would make me choose when the time was right for her to leave me. She was so loyal, she never would have left me even if it meant her life wasn't enjoyable. My heart is broken, I cant even seem to complete daily task without falling to tears or having the self doubt hit me so hard. I read online what seems to be what she had "Old dog syndrome" which usually clears up on its own within a few weeks. Why didn't I nurse her back to health? Why didn't I take her to the vet? At the time I didn't want to drag her someplace where she would be uncomfortable (lulu hated the vet) This has been the hardest thing ive dealt with my entire life. The pain of missing her is unbearable. Is it normal to doubt yourself after choosing to put your beloved pet down? I had another dog named tootie that died September 2017. Tootie had trouble breathing, it was hard but somewhat easier because her body was telling me it was time. Lulu was old, but could still get around, she fell frequently, maybe I was just used to her old age? I don't know what I can do to make this pain go away. I will miss lulu forever. I hope one day I feel like I did what was best for her Edited November 9, 2019 by Nichole Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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