Has Anyone Seen Me?

[Charlie1]

Father's day. Ughhhh.

I can't seem to find the handle today. Nothing seems fun and I can't even get excited about a planned vacation. Too much to do. This is not right.

[shell]

Charlie,

Maybe too much too soon?

Hang in there,

Shell

[lil kid]

CHARLIE, I AGREE WITH SHELL....DO YOU THINK YOU MAY BE PUTTING TOO MANY DEMADS ON YOURSELF? I KNOW THE FEELING OF NOTHING QUITE FALLING INTO PLACE.. THAT MURPHY'S LAW TYPE THING...BUT TRY TO TAKE A SECOND TO PRIORITIZE, IF YOU CAN. PLAN YOUR VACATION & MAYBE DO SOMETHING TO HONOR YOUR FATHER WHILE ON IT. EAT HIS FAVORITE FOOD, OR LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC DURING YOUR DRIVE/FLIGHT TO YOUR DESTINATION. THAT'S WHAT I DO SOMETIMES & I'VE FOUND IT TO BE QUITE CATHARDIC. IN FACT, AS I'M TYPING TO YOU, I'M SIPPING ON HIS FAVORITE BEER....

[Charlie1]

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure I'm very good at this, I mean getting to the point. I lost my father over a year ago and I still full, well dull, unfocused and unmotivated. I am the head of a household and need to shake this. I feel as if I am going through the motions and running in circles. How do I get out of this?

[shell]

Charlie,

You are getting through it just by getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other. As far as feeling dull, unfocused and unmotivated, it has been a year and three months since my dad died and I still feel that way most of the time. I'm afraid the whole grief process takes a long time. But I know eventually things will get better, and our grief will be more manageable. But, boy, it's sure hard to wait for that time, huh? I feel so tired. Tired of trying to keep going each day and tired of waiting for things to get better and tired of dealing with problems, etc..... I know the "running in circles" feeling all too well! Just hang in there, my friend, and don't worry about your feelings, they are normal. Try to take one moment at a time.

Hugs,

Shell

[NancyM]

Shell,

I totally agree with what you posted to Charlie, I feel all those things, although it will only be 4 months since my mom passed. It feels like you go through the motions of life but there is that sadness that is always present in your heart, even when you are enjoying events and laughing that sadness is there with you, the sadness of missing your loved one. I'm sure that feeling will be with us forever but I have heard it will become easier to deal with and move on. You're right, this grieving process takes a long time, but with forums like this and a few good friends we all come through it eventually.

thanks for your thoughts,

Nancy

[Maylissa]

Charlie,

I think being the official head of a household probably puts even more pressure on you inside, too, on top of the usual exhaustion that goes hand in hand with grief and every added pressure seems to be cumulative. That's a hard enough position even when things are normal, so it's no small wonder you're feeling like this! At a bit over 2 years myself for the grief, there still IS that underlying sadness, even during happier moments, but it's just not quite as pervasive, and on the other hand, it's also present-day troubles that weigh me down still, so I always imagine that if I didn't have these to deal with as well, I'd be feeling a lot better than I do. Personally, I can't even imagine having to go through what I did/am AND be Head Honcho as well....I truly sympathize with everyone who's in that position.

[Charlie1]

Thanks to you all for your kindness and support.

[Jester]

A lot of people say it's too soon, or it's been a long time, you should be past it. But I have failed to find the book with the rules on grieving, which specifies the time span required. They say it usually takes 8-12 months, but no grief is the same, not even with people who lost a common person. I don't grieve the same as my siblings, because the relationship with my mom was different for everyone, and the relationship with the person gone, and the circumstances that surround their passing, their last days, etc., every one of those details makes a huge difference on everyone's grieving.

I don't have suggestions or answers, it's been only 2 months for me, all I can say is one day at a time. Just try to get though today, tomorrow you worry about tomorrow. Don't put more pressure on yourself.

[shell]

Iagree with Jester, about not putting more pressure on yourself. I think for me, I finally got so sick and tired of trying to stay upbeat and cope and be there for everyone and etc....and finally said "The he** with it. I feel however I feel at any given moment and if no one understands, tough!" It took the pressure off and I found that I actually coped a little better than before. I went through a lot of re-visiting all the losses in my life and through the stages of grief and thinking about my life and just wore myself out. Although it did help, I finally had to say, enough is enough. You are going to feel bad and grieve and I just have to try and cope, day by day. Now I don't try to "understand" my feelings as much as I used to. I just know it's part of grieving and try to get through them as best as I can.

Hugs to all,

Shell