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Anita Panecki

I lost my brother to the virus.

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My brother had dementia and he was an Assisted Living home.  I am still  in shock how fast he pasted away.  Last time I saw him was early March.  Then we talked on the phone only after that. There was no really funeral, just burial.  I feel there is no closure or peace.  And I questioned all the things that happened at the Assisted Living and at the hospital.  Because of all the craziness that was going on.  I live alone and am feeling the pain more being isolated.

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Welcome, and I am sorry that what is already a hard loss in and of itself, is made harder yet by questions about what happened in the assisted living and the hospital.  On top of that you have no funeral but only a burial, and the cherry on top is a pandemic keeping you isolated and unable to get the closure you desire.  What a tragic sundae of sorrow.  I'm afraid more and more we'll be hearing about people and families cut apart by this pandemic and left without peace.

While the one I lost was not my brother, we went through similar situations in the rehabilitation residence with questionable decisions and (in)actions on the part of nurses, staff and administration, but at least at the time, I could go after them and file complaints, whereas now in the time of Covid19, I am assuming the assisted living and hospital will find a way to conveniently dodge any responsibility.  I'm so sorry for this unbearable situation.

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I am grateful that you've found your way here to us, Anita, and so very sorry for the reason that brought you here. 

I want to point you to some readings that I hope will offer you some useful information, most especially as you mourn your loss in the midst of this pandemic:

In Grief: No Sense of "Collective Closure" After Dad's Death

Disenfranchised Grief: Coronavirus Took My Partner - See especially the "Related" links listed at the base

 

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I am so sorry for your loss.  These are the worst of times to lose someone you love it seems as we don't get the benefit of a funeral or loved ones surrounding us.  Perhaps you can have a memorial service when this isolation has lifted?  

Sudden loss can be very hard, my husband was barely 51 when he died of a sudden and unexpected heart attack...we hadn't know he HAD heart problems until that weekend!  It leaves you grappling and reeling, you haven't had a chance to process anything and it hits like a ton of bricks.  I hope you will do some reading here and know you're not alone.

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