My Precious Daughter

[TWhittle]

Not sure where to start, but I lost my 22 year old daughter 7 weeks ago this past Saturday. I still feel like I am walking around in a dream world. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on April 27, 2006 and died early morning April 29th. She died unexpectedly of a pulmonary embolism. She left behind an infant and a very young husband. I guess my question is, has anyone else suffered a loss like this and is it normal to walk around thinking its not real that its just a bad dream. I honestly don't think I have even begun the grieving process. I have shed tears, but not the way that I thought it would happen when you lose a child. Everyone one else in my family fell apart in the beginning, but I have some how held it all together. I am very frightened that it is going to hit me hard one day when I least expect it. When I think of her I can actually feel this wall come up, I guess to protect me from those feelings. It's like I just can't feel anything yet. It's hard to talk about this with anyone, because I just don't feel they understand.

[Jester]

TWhittle:

I don't know if my words will be of any help, since I haven't lost a child at that age. I did loose a child due to a miscarriage, and a lot of people thought I was making a big deal out of it because I didn't get to meet my child, know my child in the sense of listening to his or her voice (I didn't even know the gender, as it was to soon to tell), nor did I get to carry my baby in my arms. I don't think I was making a big deal out of it, the connection was so intense loosing my baby tore me to pieces. I remember it was bad from the beginning, like I skipped the denial stage and took in my reality to soon. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, because you did have 22 years of joyful experiences with your daughter and I can only say I am truly sorry for your loss.

I am now dealing with my mother's passing, and I know what you mean when you say it doesn't seem real. It's called the denial stage, which doesn't mean you walk around saying "no, that didn't happen, you're crazy". Denial stage is more like a protection stage. Your reason knows that it did happen, but your emotional you is too much in shock to accept it. It's not that you refuse to realize what is going on, it's more like you CAN'T realize what is going on. The grieving process consists of many stages, anger, despair, depression, resignation, not everyone goes through all the stages or in the same order, but those feelings are natural, and too intense. If we were to take all the feelings at once, we wouldn't be able to survive the blow, therefore our mind says "this is just too much, one thing at a time" and that's what the denial stage does. It prepares you, lets you gather strength to endure those emotions one by one when you are ready.

You are going through a very natural phase, and what is to come will come, in due time. Don't push yourself, don't put any pressure, and above all, don't let anyone tell you what or how you should feel, your grieving is your own, and only you can dictate how long it will last.

Good luck, and try this website when you feel you can't cope with your grief, I can assure you in this place you'll find people willing to lend a hand, you won't make anyone uncomfortable, nor will anyone avoid the topic.

Hugs

[TWhittle]

Jester,

Thank you so much for responding to my post. Your words were definately a comfort. I have been walking around completely lost. I have never experienced anything like this in my life, therefore, I have no idea what to expect. As the days go by I do have more of a "loosing control" type of feeling. But I'm just not ready to face all of this yet. I think I've coped with all of this by trying to be the strong one for everyone else. Giving them as much support as I can, that way I don't have to face "my" loss yet. Becky was not only my daughter she was my best friend. We looked so forward to sharing the new baby together. And I can totally understand how you felt when you lost your baby, (I am so sorry for your loss by the way) Becky was the same way. All she wanted in life was to be a wife and a mother and she was so very happy to be pregnant and expecting her first child. I know she wouldn't have it any other way. She would have given her life over and over again just so her child could live. Thank God it was not a situation that we as her family had to make that kind of choice or that she had to make that choice, but I know she loved her daughter that much. She would have made a great mother, and it hurts so much to know that she will never enjoy watching her baby grow up. It hurts even worse to know that my grandaughter will never know her mother the way that she should. But I have made a promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure Emma knows who her mother was and what kind of wonderful, loving woman she was. I know without a doubt that she is in heaven looking down on us and watching over us and I can't wait until the day I can see her again.

[Jester]

The good side of this is you have a precious grandaughter that will never replace your daughter, but that will earn a very special place in your heart, and while she lives, your daughter is alive through her, Emma was a product of love, and in time, when you are able to cope with this and look beyond this tragedy, I am sure you will see your daughter's love in Emma's eyes.

I wish the best for you. Strength and courage.

[STARKISS]

Hi TWhittle,

I am very sorry for your loss. and I can not even imagine what you are going through with this loss of your dear daughter... I can only say that with time I will pray that God will give you strength to carry on through your personal grief joouney.. I know that your granddaughter will always have a special spot in your heart and through her you will see some of your own dear daughter... Take care and God Bless You Shelley

[Brian]

Twhittle.

Let me just say how sorry I am for your loss. Everybody's loss for that matter.

I too lost my 25 year old daughter to ovarian cancer on June 2nd 2006.

She died in our arms literally.

She was pregnant while going through chemo and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. (doing great, although I didn't think it would be so).

By losing a child, we are all in a club that I hope nobody ever has to join.

I know what your going through.

My wife and I are zombies still, and there is nothing anybody can say or do, that will help.

My daughter leaves behind her husband, an 8 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. My wife and I, along with the other grandparents are taking care of the kids while our son in-law works.

I wish I had an answer as to what will help. I'm searching for that too. You will never forget her and will think about her everyday.

I pray for you and everybody else that has to go through this. At this point, I can't see what good is coming out of this.

I had made a web page for Ronna (our daughter) to help any other young women with rare cancers. Ronna was number 12 in the world.

If your interested, it's here.

www.ronnaclark.com

God bless all of you, and if you need to talk, as I will down the road, email or post to me. I'm here.

Sincerely,

Brian

[Penny1]

Hi Brian,

Just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of Ronna....

I checked out your web site, what a beautiful memorial of her... she was absolutely beautiful but I guess I don't have to tell you that...

Twhittle

Also I am sorry for your loss.... I can't even imagine what you and Brian are going through with losing your daughters...

My heart goes out to both of your families...

I wish I could give you some advice that would make this easier for you both but unfortunately it takes time...

You both will be in my thoughts and prayers...

[Claire]

I know how you are feeling right now, and my thoughts are with you, I lost my daughter 3 years ago and understand what you are going through. I will pray for you tonight!

Denise xx

[gyspy]

Dear Twhittle, I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my daughter March 2, 2007 in a firey car accident. She was 31 years old and 8 1/2 months pregnant with her first child. And yes is in normal to be in a daze, and keep hoping it is all a bad nightmare. Some days I keep hoping I will wake up and this is all a dream. But nevertheless, it never happens. Christy left behind her mom, dad, brother and sister. This has really affected the whole family, which I am sure it affected yours too. I keep waiting for her to come through the back door. I can finally get through a day without crying, but not often. My neighbor was complaining because her daughter moved back home, my thoughts was you are lucky is alive and can move back home. Just pray alot and God will help you through this. I will remember you and your family in my prayers.

LIbby

Dear Twhittle, There is a web site memory of. com. That you can set up a memorial site for your daughter. We have set one up for our daugher. Check it out at www.christina-gore.memory-of.com. its really a nice site.

Libby