The light of my life extinguished

[roseaimee]

Hobo King was an Australian Terrier that looked like a plush toy come to life. Full of personality with an adventurous spirit. 

 

He was only 9. He had a seizure and I rushed him to the animal hospital. With Covid 19 I had to just drop him off. After spending one night, he was released and put on seizure medication.  The following week he had another seizure that lasted for nearly an hour. His seizure was not controlled by medication. He made it through the night. I took him to a neurologist the next morning to have a MRI in a different city. They diagnosed him with a tumor in his brain and told me he had 18 months. Then several hours after his diagnoses, I got the phone call recommending euthanasia. Due to Covid-19 they would only allow one person to be with him in his final moments. 

 

It was so sudden. I was not prepared to have to put him down. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was hold my baby while he died in my arms. I feel so guilty that I didn't look into his eyes as he took his last breath. I held him sobbing and told him I loved him. It was such a shock. 

 

He was the light of my life. He was my shadow. I would look around for him and he was always right behind me. He followed me since the day I found him. We would cuddle every night. He would curl up right next to me and I would wrap my arms around him. I called him my cuddle monkey. I struggled with depression. He could always tell when I was depressed. He would put his paws on my chest and put his nose by me ear and sniff. It would tickle and I could't help but laugh through tears. Since his passing, night time is the hardest. I can't stop sobbing. I miss him more than I can explain. That is why I am reaching out and telling his story.  

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry, my dear. Your baby is adorable, and I'm sure he's left a giant hole in your heart . . . 

[kayc]

@roseaimee  I am so sorry, he is just beautiful, your love for him shines through.  The love we share continues beyond death of their body, that is one consolation I have since losing my Arlie to cancer 11 months ago yesterday.  Next to the death of my husband, this hit me harder than anything else I've been through in my life, and that says a lot.  Our bonds with our dogs are so great, but out of the many dogs and cats I've had over the years (25 in all) this one was my soulmate in a dog, he was my life, my companion and best friend.  Him and Kitty were my family, and now she's gone too.

I'm glad you made your way here.  The people here are animal lovers and get it, it's a safe place to come to.  Death comes unbidden with all of the unfairness that comes with it.  I was in shock when my Arlie was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, I'd just had him in for a physical two weeks prior, how did they not notice?  His liver was already shutting down.  I did good to get 2 months ten days before having him put to sleep but it was the hardest thing in the world to watch him go downhill and have to make that decision "when."

I shared our cancer journey here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/14742-living-with-loss/&tab=comments#comment-185083

and memories of his life here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/14933-memories-of-arlie/&tab=comments#comment-186699

and Kitty here: https://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/15228-memories-of-kitty/&tab=comments#comment-189113

You might want to consider writing your memories of his life down, it was very therapeutic for me.  Even if no one else read them, it was important for me to document them, I didn't want any part of him and my life together lost.  I will miss him until the day I die and we can be together again, I'm sure you feel the same.

I don't know your beliefs, but I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace to think upon.  Sending you hugs.

 

[Mmyloveforever]

16 hours ago, roseaimee said:

Hobo King was an Australian Terrier that looked like a plush toy come to life. Full of personality with an adventurous spirit. 

 

He was only 9. He had a seizure and I rushed him to the animal hospital. With Covid 19 I had to just drop him off. After spending one night, he was released and put on seizure medication.  The following week he had another seizure that lasted for nearly an hour. His seizure was not controlled by medication. He made it through the night. I took him to a neurologist the next morning to have a MRI in a different city. They diagnosed him with a tumor in his brain and told me he had 18 months. Then several hours after his diagnoses, I got the phone call recommending euthanasia. Due to Covid-19 they would only allow one person to be with him in his final moments. 

 

It was so sudden. I was not prepared to have to put him down. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was hold my baby while he died in my arms. I feel so guilty that I didn't look into his eyes as he took his last breath. I held him sobbing and told him I loved him. It was such a shock. 

 

He was the light of my life. He was my shadow. I would look around for him and he was always right behind me. He followed me since the day I found him. We would cuddle every night. He would curl up right next to me and I would wrap my arms around him. I called him my cuddle monkey. I struggled with depression. He could always tell when I was depressed. He would put his paws on my chest and put his nose by me ear and sniff. It would tickle and I could't help but laugh through tears. Since his passing, night time is the hardest. I can't stop sobbing. I miss him more than I can explain. That is why I am reaching out and telling his story.  

Hi Rose, 

I’m extremely sorry for your loss. I just lost my baby 2 days ago and i feel like my heart just broken in pieces. I cant stop crying and keep seeing his beautiful face. 
i feel your pain and you’re not alone. My baby had a seizure and died in my arms too. It was the most horrible, sad thing I’ve experienced. I just dont know how to go on with life. 

[roseaimee]

Thank you all for your kind words.

 

[kayc]

@Mmyloveforever I am so sorry for your loss.    We go on one day at a time, in the beginning one hour or even just one minute at a time.  In time the memories than bring you immense pain now will bring you a smile but I know it's hard to go on to be able to reach that point.    We're here, if you want to start your own thread to have a place to come back to, we're listening & we care.