jc1030 Posted September 3, 2020 Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 Hello everyone. It's been quite a while. I'm not new to this discussion board, but it's been a very very long time since I've posted anything. I first joined when my father died back in 2006, and I guess as time went on I started living my life again (not because I didn't want to be here). But now I'm dealing with grief again. At the end of July my 85-year old mom died after a brief battle with ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of the year, and by the time they found the cancer it was already too advanced that the doctors decided surgery was not in her best interest. They had hoped chemo and other treatments would be able to manage it, but in the end it was too much for her body to take. During this time I was her sole caregiver (with some hired help), and it was painful to watch her deteriorate. It was my first experience with cancer. To the best of my knowledge there was no family history of the disease but I guess when you reach a certain age all bets are off. It was sad to watch how cancer can turn someone who was strong and independent all her life into someone who virtually could not do anything for herself in the end. The experience has left me sad and exhausted because I have no other family in the area of the US I live in. All of my relatives are scattered all over North America and overseas and stayed away because of COVID-19. The caregiving experience also left me a bit resentful because although my relatives live far away some of them couldn't help themselves and lectured me about what I should do. Despite what people have told me, there are times when I still question myself if I did enough as a caregiver and if I made the right choices. I still think of the times I got frustrated with my mom even though it wasn't meant to be that way; I know I shouldn't beat myself up but at the moment I can't help it. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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