I accidentaly killed my kitten

[jeanneapril]

Today around 00.30 midnight. I accidentally killed my Oreo. 

I did rescued a total of 8 kittens that I found on the streets. I lost 4 of them due to fading kitten syndrom. 

One week ago, my youngest kitten got sick and weak. So I was trying so hard to give every kitten I have the nourishment and vitamins they need. And I did focus only on the youngest. Giving her first some food before the other ones that is already healthy.

Then, while I was trying to distract the other 3 kittens and 1 adult cat and trying to lead to our garden so that they can have their snack there without disturbing the little one.

It happens so fast and I accidentally step on one of my surviver cat, Oreo.
I panicked when I realized what just happened. I picked him up, and the blood was already everywhere. 

I came in and ask my friend for some help. After some minute. My kitten was already gone. 

I saw how my dog was trying to bark on my kitten and the look of the other kittens too. 

I was trying so hard to buried my kitten but I couldn't. 

I am devastated, guilty, and my mind couldn't stop mesmerizing all the memories I have with Oreo.

He is my survivor and I am deeply sorry that I did took his life with a tragic death.

I cant stop crying because this is the first time I got blood in my hands. That I am the one who took my beloved childs life. (every pet I have is already my child)

I feel that I am on the edge of being traumatized of this accident. My kittens and I loves to be on garden and I dont know if I can still able to finished fixing it, with the thought that my kitten died there.

I really do need a honest advice. Can you please help me?

 

[MartyT]

My dear, I'm so sorry this happened to you and your kitten, but clearly this was a tragic accident. You did not set out to bring harm to this little creature you loved so much. Sadly, though, you are only human, and accidents do happen ~ and I know that you would give anything to turn back the clock and change the ending of this horrible story.

I encourage you to read through so many of the threads you will find in this forum, which I hope will help you to see that you are not alone.

See also these articles, including those that are listed at the base of each:

Loss and The Burden of Guilt

Guilt and Regret In Grief

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt

Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief

Pet Loss: When Guilt Goes Unresolved

Memorializing Pets We Have Lost
 

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Marty has listed several good articles, I hope you will read them and take what they have to say to heart.

Here is another one I like:  http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml