I AM IN EXTREME PAIN, BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ... PLEASE HELP

[Neha Ahmed]

I recently lost one of my beloved cats Molly (on 11 July, 2020). It hurts so much, the pain is unbearable. I am falling sick. For the last two days, I am suffering from excruciating stomach pain. I am not being able to go to work. I can't sleep at night. I stay up nights just crying. When I sleep, I keep having nightmares. Sometimes I dream that I put Molly in the refrigerator by mistake, then I open the refrigerator, and I find her there, frozen to death.

 

I was unwell, living by myself and having frequent panic attacks, mostly concerning the well being of the cats Hulo and Molly. I am the kind of person who cries over the death of a fish or a chicken. Out of panic, I had given the Hulo and Molly (my two cats) to a shelter home believing that they would take better care of them. Later I got to realize that the condition of the shelter home I had given them to was terrible. By the time I got to realize that fact, the owner of the shelter home refused to give them back to me or for adoption elsewhere, because my cats helped him get more funds. He also wanted to keep them so he could continue to ask me for more money. My cats started falling sick.

 

I had written blogs about the shelter home's malpractices after Molly died, and now the people associated with the shelter home won't tell me about the whereabouts of the other cat (Hulo) - to prevent me from writing about them any further, and to stop me from pursuing a General Diary I had filed with my local police station. I am also not in a position to pressure them for updates, or take any action now, because I am still not in a position to bring Hulo back and keep him with me. I am still living alone, and have to go to work. I know I will start having panic attacks if I bring him back. When I asked about Hulo last time, my comments were treated with offensive hurtful replies. But I miss him so much! Also, Hulo is a local breed that nobody wants to adopt. 

 

The lady who has managed to get hold of Hulo texted me last about how destructive he is, and that no one wants to keep him. That stressed me out. She also uses such filthy language that I don't reply to her texts. But I am constantly worried about Hulo.

 

When people are dying it would sound ridiculous to most of you. My friends keep telling me that I need to get over them, because they were just cats, and people are dying. But I loved them so much! I had brought them when they were 2 months old. We spent three and a half wonderful years together. We have so many beautiful memories together. They trusted me to protect them always, to take good care of them. Why did I have panic attacks, I feel so guilty. Why am I not fit to just take good care of a cat? The guilt is killing me. Sometimes I do play with the idea of bringing Hulo back, if I can locate him, and if the lady will return him.

 

But again, when I go to work, I can't leave him alone in the house for entire days. He is not used to being left alone, and gets scared. The thought that I will never see him again kills me.

 

It is an impossible situation. I keep telling myself that I should leave everything to the Almighty. But I still can't accept it. It hurts too much. The pain is unbearable. I have been crying non-stop for two days now.

 

I cry to the Almighty, "Oh, please make the pain go away, please".

 

What should I do? I am in extreme pain, please tell me, what should I do? 

 

- Dhaka, Bangladesh. 

[MartyT]

Given the circumstances you describe, my dear, I really don't know what you can do to change things. I am reminded of the beautiful words of the Serenity Prayer: 

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

I don't know what resources are available in your country, but I hope in your circle you have a trusted friend or spiritual leader with whom you can talk in person about all of this, and from whom you might receive the practical and emotional support you need and deserve.

In the meantime, you are most welcome to share your thoughts and feelings with the compassionate people you will find here in this forum. We can’t take away your pain, but we can share with you our strength, understanding and support. ♥️

[Sarika]

Dearest Neha,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life, my Beagle Leo, who had been with me for 8 years (with 2 miserable years apart) on the 21st of September. I understand where you are coming from.

Initially, I signed on to this forum because I have been having difficulty expressing my grief. It comes out at weird times. The entire day I'll be normal and then all of a sudden late at night, it just creeps up on me and I don't know what to do with myself except sit down and cry.

So, yeah, when I saw your message and saw those heartbreaking pictures you posted, I thought of replying to you instead of writing somewhere else.

Because, believe it or not, I relate to *everything* you wrote in your message and have dealt with it at one time or the other. Thankfully, I have been free of panic attacks for a while now, but I know how crippling they can be. Though I have been in similar situations as you, I am mentally in a better place than you right now (I think) to deal with my grief. I am living with my mother. I don't have to go to work. I have my other dogs and animals to keep me company at home. 

You are in a very difficult situation dear. Living alone, having panic attacks, losing your cats to a corrupt bunch of people right now when the entire world is in the grips of this pandemic - it's tough. Plus I know you have a soft and kind heart, and most people (even our friends and family) can be very thoughtless with our words sometimes. It isn't easy to truly be with someone in grief, you know. Not everyone's cup of tea. (Which is why I think I like animals so much. They really do know how to "be there" for you, don't they?) 

 

7 hours ago, Neha Ahmed said:

My friends keep telling me that I need to get over them, because they were just cats, and people are dying.

I don't think we really need to compare the scale of grief. That's a very callous thing for them to say. Our grief is important to us because it is ours. If I'm grieving for my dog and a terrorist attack happened somewhere (God forbid), I won't be able to simply turn a switch inside me and "get over it" - all because one tragedy is supposedly "bigger" in magnitude than the another. So, please don't listen to such people. Be gentle on yourself. Allow yourself time to cry and heal. Surround yourself with people who can be with you in your grief without having to remove it or change it. That is true friendship. If you don't feel that you have such people around you, you can always find someone on such forums online.

I'll tell you my personal story of hope, and I hope it helps you in someway.

The very day my Leo took his last breath (21st September 2020), someone in a town 700 Kms away, decided to surrender their 1 year old Beagle because it was an impulse buy by the son, who was now getting married and moving abroad. The parents didn't want the hyper-energetic dog anymore. So, out of nowhere, we got this message on one of our friend's message groups of this dog available for adoption. I asked them for the name of the dog. He is called "Leo"

We might be driving down in a few days to get this other Leo home, someone who really needs it. I really believe that this was some kind of divine intervention/a message from *my Leo*.

I think you should take solace in the fact that you loved your cats to the best of your abilities till you had them. Maybe this is Molly's way to tell you to give yourself time. Perhaps you need to let others take care of Hulo and first take care of yourself. He will find his way back to you in some form or the other.

 

7 hours ago, Neha Ahmed said:

But again, when I go to work, I can't leave him alone in the house for entire days. He is not used to being left alone, and gets scared. The thought that I will never see him again kills me.

You know, I had walked out of my husband's house some years back, and he said he would keep Leo with him. I had no news, no contact with Leo for 2 whole years. Such miserable years those were. I remember feeling so helpless. Just seeing another dog like him on the road would start a crying spell and just ruin the whole day. But you know what, 2 years later, after he got into an accident and my husband couldn't take care of him, he got him back to me. And he had been with me since the past 3 years. So, did I suffer those 2 years? Yes. Did Leo suffer? Yes, perhaps. But I believe that when I got him back, I had a renewed appreciation for him. Every night he lay next to me, I would thank God for giving me that time with him - because I had lost it once. 

Hulo will find his way back to you in some form or the other Neha. Trust in your love. Have faith in the divine. Take care of yourself first. 

Love and hugs,

 

[Neha Ahmed]

21 hours ago, MartyT said:

Given the circumstances you describe, my dear, I really don't know what you can do to change things. I am reminded of the beautiful words of the Serenity Prayer: 

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

I don't know what resources are available in your country, but I hope in your circle you have a trusted friend or spiritual leader with whom you can talk in person about all of this, and from whom you might receive the practical and emotional support you need and deserve.

In the meantime, you are most welcome to share your thoughts and feelings with the compassionate people you will find here in this forum. We can’t take away your pain, but we can share with you our strength, understanding and support. ♥️

Thank you so much for your kind words MartyT ❤️

[Neha Ahmed]

15 hours ago, Sarika said:

Dearest Neha,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life, my Beagle Leo, who had been with me for 8 years (with 2 miserable years apart) on the 21st of September. I understand where you are coming from.

Initially, I signed on to this forum because I have been having difficulty expressing my grief. It comes out at weird times. The entire day I'll be normal and then all of a sudden late at night, it just creeps up on me and I don't know what to do with myself except sit down and cry.

So, yeah, when I saw your message and saw those heartbreaking pictures you posted, I thought of replying to you instead of writing somewhere else.

Because, believe it or not, I relate to *everything* you wrote in your message and have dealt with it at one time or the other. Thankfully, I have been free of panic attacks for a while now, but I know how crippling they can be. Though I have been in similar situations as you, I am mentally in a better place than you right now (I think) to deal with my grief. I am living with my mother. I don't have to go to work. I have my other dogs and animals to keep me company at home. 

You are in a very difficult situation dear. Living alone, having panic attacks, losing your cats to a corrupt bunch of people right now when the entire world is in the grips of this pandemic - it's tough. Plus I know you have a soft and kind heart, and most people (even our friends and family) can be very thoughtless with our words sometimes. It isn't easy to truly be with someone in grief, you know. Not everyone's cup of tea. (Which is why I think I like animals so much. They really do know how to "be there" for you, don't they?) 

 

I don't think we really need to compare the scale of grief. That's a very callous thing for them to say. Our grief is important to us because it is ours. If I'm grieving for my dog and a terrorist attack happened somewhere (God forbid), I won't be able to simply turn a switch inside me and "get over it" - all because one tragedy is supposedly "bigger" in magnitude than the another. So, please don't listen to such people. Be gentle on yourself. Allow yourself time to cry and heal. Surround yourself with people who can be with you in your grief without having to remove it or change it. That is true friendship. If you don't feel that you have such people around you, you can always find someone on such forums online.

I'll tell you my personal story of hope, and I hope it helps you in someway.

The very day my Leo took his last breath (21st September 2020), someone in a town 700 Kms away, decided to surrender their 1 year old Beagle because it was an impulse buy by the son, who was now getting married and moving abroad. The parents didn't want the hyper-energetic dog anymore. So, out of nowhere, we got this message on one of our friend's message groups of this dog available for adoption. I asked them for the name of the dog. He is called "Leo"

We might be driving down in a few days to get this other Leo home, someone who really needs it. I really believe that this was some kind of divine intervention/a message from *my Leo*.

I think you should take solace in the fact that you loved your cats to the best of your abilities till you had them. Maybe this is Molly's way to tell you to give yourself time. Perhaps you need to let others take care of Hulo and first take care of yourself. He will find his way back to you in some form or the other.

 

You know, I had walked out of my husband's house some years back, and he said he would keep Leo with him. I had no news, no contact with Leo for 2 whole years. Such miserable years those were. I remember feeling so helpless. Just seeing another dog like him on the road would start a crying spell and just ruin the whole day. But you know what, 2 years later, after he got into an accident and my husband couldn't take care of him, he got him back to me. And he had been with me since the past 3 years. So, did I suffer those 2 years? Yes. Did Leo suffer? Yes, perhaps. But I believe that when I got him back, I had a renewed appreciation for him. Every night he lay next to me, I would thank God for giving me that time with him - because I had lost it once. 

Hulo will find his way back to you in some form or the other Neha. Trust in your love. Have faith in the divine. Take care of yourself first. 

Love and hugs,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words Sarika ❤️

[kayc]

On 9/29/2020 at 7:26 AM, Neha Ahmed said:

My friends keep telling me that I need to get over them, because they were just cats, and people are dying

I'm sorry your friends responded so inappropriately.  People often don't know what to say or how to respond and come out with the most ludicrous things.  I would respond, I appreciate your concern but that invalidates my valid feelings of grief.  It will take time for me to process this and ALWAYS I will love my cat/s.

I am so sorry for your loss and all you are going through with it.  I think Marty's quote of the Serenity Prayer is good, I know it's sometimes easier said than done.  I wish for you some justice and comfort ahead.

 

 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Sarika said:

Because, believe it or not, I relate to *everything* you wrote in your message and have dealt with it at one time or the other.

Thank you for sharing this entire post, very wonderful and I'm sure it's of immense help.    I'm sorry you also lost your dog, I lost mine 13 months ago and I'll never be over him or stop loving him, he's in my heart each and every day and I miss my soulmate in a dog, Arlie.  I, too, can relate to your post.

[Sarika]

On 9/30/2020 at 7:35 PM, Neha Ahmed said:

Thank you so much for your kind words Sarika ❤️

You're most welcome Neha. Hope you're feeling better. Take care. 💗

[Sarika]

On 9/30/2020 at 9:40 PM, kayc said:

Thank you for sharing this entire post, very wonderful and I'm sure it's of immense help.    I'm sorry you also lost your dog, I lost mine 13 months ago and I'll never be over him or stop loving him, he's in my heart each and every day and I miss my soulmate in a dog, Arlie.  I, too, can relate to your post.

I'm so sorry to hear about Arlie, Kayc. You're right. Regardless of their physical body not with us anymore, they live on in our hearts forever, because of the pure soulful love they give us. Nothing beats the precious time we had with them. I believe if we are able to give them even half the love they bestow on us, we have done our part as their keeper in this world.