Two months

[Gracie4ever]

Today is the two month mark and I woke at 3 and it’s almost 5 a.m. I’ve been crying a lot to where I can’t breathe and I just looked at my folder of Gracie photos. It’s just a tug of war, grieving. Part of me wanted to look at photos while the other part knew I was breaking my own heart by looking. I was feeling so dreadfully alone so I knew it would help to come here and speak to you.. my dear people who truly understand.

[amboehlen]

Speak what's on your mind, lovely person, we are here to share in your pain. My heart breaks for you today, I know how much this hurts and how much you miss your baby. Do you want to share some of your favorite memories of her?

[Gracie4ever]

I might’ve shared this before but she was a timid cat. She’d get nervous with loud noises. Sometimes I’d get home from work and couldn’t find her. Then I’d notice a lump in the comforter on the bed. She knew how to climb in there underneath the blanket and hide. It was the cutest thing. I would just pet her that way until she was ready to come out. I miss her so much.

[amboehlen]

It sounds like Gracie was so comforted by you petting her, that is absolutely adorable. I may have mistaken Gracie for a puppy in past responses, if so I apologize! She sounds like such a sweet kitty. Did you guys have morning rituals, was she one of those cats that wakes you up super early in the morning for breakfast?

[Gracie4ever]

No worries, my friend, I love dogs and cats and didn’t think anything of it. It’s funny you should mention that because the older she got, the more demanding she got about breakfast. Also, towards the end she had diabetes so I was always worried and wanted to make sure she ate enough. She would howl really loudly to be fed. I think part of that was because she became deaf. Sometimes at 6 AM sometimes earlier so I would end feeding her and going back to bed. It was really annoying, but what I wouldn’t give to do that again.

[kayc]

12 hours ago, Gracie4ever said:

I might’ve shared this before but she was a timid cat. She’d get nervous with loud noises. Sometimes I’d get home from work and couldn’t find her. Then I’d notice a lump in the comforter on the bed. She knew how to climb in there underneath the blanket and hide. It was the cutest thing. I would just pet her that way until she was ready to come out. I miss her so much.

That is so sweet!

[Sonny boy]

I know that "tug of war" with your heart thing. Yesterday was one month since my dog Sonny crossed the rainbow bridge. Sometimes I think that looking at pics and visiting the group or a pet loss facebook page is just me torturing myself or making myself cry on purpose and that is just keeping me in a state of grief. But then at some point I realized that doing that is helping me cope. I need to get a good cry on sometimes. It really does help me process. I started recently feeling like I've been talking about him too much to my friends because whenever someone calls me I talk about him. So I'm glad this group exists and you all talk to each other and are here for me and everyone!

 

[Gracie4ever]

35 minutes ago, Sonny boy said:

I know that "tug of war" with your heart thing. Yesterday was one month since my dog Sonny crossed the rainbow bridge. Sometimes I think that looking at pics and visiting the group or a pet loss facebook page is just me torturing myself or making myself cry on purpose and that is just keeping me in a state of grief. But then at some point I realized that doing that is helping me cope. I need to get a good cry on sometimes. It really does help me process. I started recently feeling like I've been talking about him too much to my friends because whenever someone calls me I talk about him. So I'm glad this group exists and you all talk to each other and are here for me and everyone!

 

I really understand where you are coming from. I joined some Facebook loss groups but the pictures and the sayings were so heartbreaking that sometimes I could not bare to look at them. However, other times, I can look at things and it helps me cry. It really is good to get a good cry on...it helps us to relieve some stress. I am so happy to have this group where I can speak freely. As you said, we don't feel free to speak to everyone about our losses and our babies...we can speak freely here, which is wonderful. Thankful for you.

[kayc]

And don't worry about keeping yourself in a state of grief, we all grieve differently and it's important to express it in some way instead of bottle it up.  If it's been a long time and you can't function, I'd get help from a grief counselor, but I don't feel that's the case...by not function I mean you can't work, aren't eating, paying your bills, taking care of yourself.  It's natural to not feel interest in hobbies, etc. when grieving heavily.