Am I deserve to have a cat again?

[graceY.H.W]

I owned 2 cats but both of them didn't end well.....

One day there is a grey cat appear if front of my dad's office, my dad fed him for a few days and we decided to bring her home because at night there is no place for her to sleep and all the restaurant nearby was closed due to covid-19 and sometimes there is stray dogs wondering around the buildings. The day she arrived at our home we were so happy. I tried to quarantine the cat so the she could get used to our presence and the surroundings and especially our dog. But, one day she just sneak out from the room and ran outside. I tried my best to search for her through social media, posters and etc but she was no where to be found.

A few weeks later I adopted a 3 months old kitten. I named him Rascal because he is a little rascal in our house. The first day he arrived at our home, he jumped straight to our couch, challenge the dog, hide under the cabinet and scared us. Me and my family love him so much. On 7/10/2020 he ran into an accident. Till now I can't forget the image, the accident just happen in front of my eyes. In this accident he broke his left jaw and he got anisocoria for his right eyes duo to the accident. But I don't care, as long as he can recover from the injury, no matter how he became he will still be the cutest in our home. He was hospitalized for 7 days and I visit him twice everyday because I worried that he will scared to be left alone. So, the day he was discharged I need to learned how to fed him through feeding tube because he can't move his jaw so only paste like food is allowed to be fed but he doesn't ready for his food yet. I fed him 3 times a day, gently message his whole body so the he could feel better because he always have to wear his cone for the whole day other than feeding time. He is such a good boy, every time I pumped instant food through his feeding tube he will curled into a ball and lay on my lap for me to do my job. Then he started to bagged for his favorite wet food, so I blended all of them and try to feed him. I even went to market to bought some fresh chicken and salmon for him because these two is his favorite food. I blend the cooked chicken and salmon into paste and he seems to like it. But one day he started to sneeze and having watery nose, so I quickly bring him to the vet. The vet told me that he is catching a cold so they will put him on some antibiotics and some meds. After that he became "rascal" again, playing hide and seek with us, screaming for food again and again, having the whole couch. Then on 31/10/2020 he started to feel sick again, having runny nose and have a mild fever. I rushed to the vet and the vet said he is having fever, they gave him more meds. I was worried that he was having a lung infection because during that accident there is fluid inside his lung. But the doctor said there is nothing to worried about. The next morning 1/11/2020, he start to breath heavily, he refuse to eat even when I pumped the food through his feeding tube he will vomit out. So, I taught that maybe the fluid in his nose cause him to be like this. I look into his eyes and found out that his right eyes was back to normal !!! His pupil works just fine like the other eyes !!! I was so happy and so do my family member. We were excited for his recovery. On the same day, after I took my dog for an evening walk I found him laying inside his box just like he was sleeping except that he is not breathing, no response when I called him. At that moment I was shocked for a few minutes and so do my family member and I know that I lost him forever. I couldn't accept that this happens so quickly, I even make an appointment on 8/11/2020 with the doctor to bring Rascal to the vet to have his stitches out from his left jaw. He was buried somewhere near my house. Till now, every morning when I open my window I will look at the place where he was buried and say "Good Morning Rascal!" then I cried. When I look around the house I miss him. He was just about to turn into 6 months old and he left.......

From these two experience I felt that I don't qualify to have a cat anymore. I used to love animal very much, I'll follow all the animal society webpage through my social media and learn how to take good care of animal from their post. But now I don't even dare to login to my social media account because whenever I see those animal picture especially cats I will think about Rascal.

[kayc]

Oh Hon, my heart bled for you as I read your story.  You are most qualified to have a cat, you are the bet pet owner there is!  You did everything, sometimes it's just not meant to be in spite of our best efforts.  But you could have another and they'd live to be 20!  I've had 25 dogs and cats in my lifetime, I've had some die way too young but my last cat, Kitty, lived to 25 in great health until the end.  I gave her a good life and I wish it could have been longer.  My Arlie (dog) was my soulmate in a dog, he was perfect for me, honestly, my heart dog!  But he got cancer and the vet didn't catch it until it was too late.  I did everything for him, cooked for him throughout his life because of his Colitis, walked him twice a day every day, but in the end, the cancer got him and I had to have him euthanized so he wouldn't suffer any more.

Grief is the price we pay for love, it's steep and it hurts, but I would not trade that love and enjoyment we have with them, for having known them and having been a part of their lives, for anything in the world.  I have a puppy, Kodie, now and it's a lot at my age (I'm 68) but he is so adorable and I love him completely.  One of the side effects of loss is being afraid of losing again, but I challenge you not to let fear rule your decisions, go for it when you're ready and embrace the blessings that are ours.

I hope this video brings you some comfort and peace:

 

[MartyT]

18 minutes ago, kayc said:

One of the side effects of loss is being afraid of losing again, but I challenge you not to let fear rule your decisions, go for it when you're ready and embrace the blessings that are ours.

Yes. Amen. ♥️

[graceY.H.W]

There is a thing happen to me and I would like to share with all of you,

 

My cat passed away on 1/11/2020, for the next couple of days I feel sad and lost. I do tell myself that I don't want to have another cat anymore as I'm afraid to lose again just like what @kayc mention. One day when I bring my dog for a walk, I look at the sky and I saw a very beautiful rainbow across the sky. The rainbow is so bright and glorious !!! I never see such beautiful rainbow in my entire life. When I went to tell people to look at the rainbow, it's gone. I'm the only one who sees it. I feel like this is the message that Rascal send to me, telling me to stop feeling sad and keep moving on. Rascal: "Hey~ I'm good up here, no worries for me!! I have a present for you tomorrow!!" The next day my mom receive a call from one of her friend saying that there is an abandoned cat in front of her house. I feel like this is the present that Rascal send to me. Wanting me to save another stray again.

[kayc]

(((hugs))) and I pray you have a long happy time with this cat!  Thank you for sharing this. 

When my husband passed, a few days later I saw a beautiful rainbow, on my way to church.  I felt it was him telling me it was going to be okay.  When he died there was a humongous thunder and lightening storm, it was tremendous!  AND a triple rainbow!  I believe that sometimes when we most need it, we get a sign.

and @graceY.H.WI think you're a good cat mom. 

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

and @graceY.H.WI think you're a good cat mom. 

And so do I ❤️

[graceY.H.W]

After two years, there are something that I would like to share. Thanks to everyone in this group, I was able to go through my darkest moment in my life and receive the gifts that was gifted by god.

 

This is Rainbow (ginger cat), she was a present from Rascal in the heaven

 

In Jan 2021, I receive another present. Her name is Rio, she was a cheeky one.

Then when I taught I already have enough happiness in my life, I met Elvis!! I met her in Nov 2021, she was found inside a car engine.

 

Now I have 3 cats and one dog. That is a lot of happiness and laughter. Thanks to Rascal's present, he will forever be my boy and I will cherish the present that he sent me. 

[kayc]

OMG, they are so beautiful!  I am glad you have pets with you still, it was very hard for me when I lost Arlie, am so glad I have Kodie right now, don't know how I could survive without him.