jenn13 Posted July 16, 2006 Report Share Posted July 16, 2006 I didn't really realize until tonight, just now, just how mad I really am since my grandma died. I know and understand that death is just part of life.. the old saying that there's only two things that are sure in life.. you're gonna die, and you're gonna pay taxes.. very true. I feel in part that she "left" me before I was ready. I know she had no say in the matter.. she wanted so badly to LIVE.. she never really grasped just how sick she was. When asked if she wanted to be revived when the time comes, she glared at the doctor in shock. I feel like I didn't get to say goodbye. I am sure that has much to do with the fact that I wasn't here when she passed.. Or for the funeral. I still have yet to see her resting place. I am almost afraid to go. Afraid to make it that "real". As if I don't already know that it is... She left at such a bad time. I am already dealing with a few major losses... one death, and 2 people that just decided to up and leave without a word. The staples of my life are gone. I have so little left, not enough to grab onto. I still so badly want to fall into nothingness, where it doesn't hurt.. or find a way to be with her. She'd know the right things to say.I have such a short fuse.. I am overly emotional and way overly sensitive. I take offense at everything. If you even LOOK at me wrong, I feel wronged somehow. Is this a normal part of grieving? Don't really know what normal is anymore.. I'm so tired of the constant hurt... I try and let it go, but how can you when it's all smack dab in front of you all day long? There's no avoiding it. I push it aside, and then on the weekends when I have way too much time to myself, I fall apart. Perhaps I need a 2nd job, on the weekends to keep myself (and my mind) busy. But then I worry I won't deal with it at all and will eventually break past the point of no return. I am very confused... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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