Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I lost my Mom 4 days ago...


Recommended Posts

I haven't posted for a while. I lost my Dad and then my 15 yr old chihuahua, Roxie, just 2 years ago and posted at that time. Mom passed away Friday 4/29/22, 4 days ago, at age 84. She had been going downhill over the past 8 months since have a blood clot in her lungs, and clots to the brain (vision affected, and cognitive changes) in August 2021. It is believed this may have been a result of having had covid 8 months prior. She survived the clots, but then she fell 3 times within 1 1/2 weeks in February 2022 and had a compression fracture in her back. She had tripped over her dog because of her bad eyesight. She was in the hospital for a week then had to go to a SNF for 5 weeks but she suffered there due to the horrific back pain. I moved her to a group home where she received wonderful care, and she had a Kyphoplasty (back surgery) which stabilized the compression fracture and relieved her pain. She was in the group home for 5 weeks. But she continued to go downhill during that time. She hardly ate, was never able to regain leg strength, and she seemed to give up. She was able to sit at the table in her wheelchair for Easter, but hardly ate. By the next weekend she started a more rapid decline. Not able to eat, lost ability to swallow pills, was bedridden, didn't communicate, and eventually it was clear that her brain was no longer functioning. She was just "breathing" and her heart still pumping. I was with her every day during the day, and the caretaker slept in her room on a recliner chair at night, and then Thursday night I stayed by her bedside all night. I didn't want to leave, I was afraid she would pass on without me there. At 7:40 am on Friday her breathing became rapid and shallow and she passed away. She never regained consciousness. I can't believe she is gone. We were so close, and I had spent nearly every day the past 9 months with her. Helping her, taking her to doctors appointments, bringing her food, watching tv, helping her with her pup, doing her shopping...

I had moved back to Arizona in 2014 to be closer to my parents knowing they were aging. I retired just 2 years ago from being a RN/NP. But even though you know the inevitable outcome, it is overwhelming when it happens. I know she was miserable the last 8 months, losing most of her eyesight, being weaker, sensing her mortality, and I am trying to take some comfort in knowing that she no longer has to endure that pain, misery, sadness, but I still don't want her to be gone. I dreaded the time when I would no longer have my parents. No one to love me unconditionally, no one to know the very essence of me from the time I was born. Till the end, she worried about me, gave me advice, was a sounding wall for my worries and fears. I feel lost and empty, and can't see what lies ahead. I am trying to believe that she is with my Dad, and all the pups she loved over the years that have already crossed the rainbow bridge, but I am missing her physical presence. Oh Mom.... I miss you and love you so much.... 

 

 

E59CB4F8-08F7-4765-8552-E6FF2B8068D2.heic E0331A4D-02BA-42DB-8B74-3F908D86A237.heic 72E9F810-1D00-45D6-930A-FE1A8A892DB3.heic 7128C109-4A1A-4345-B60C-09B97A5D8F2A.heic

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry, it sounds much like my sister who had severe disabilities and dementia, she also took falls a lot and with it broken bones, her dementia aided her poor judgement and she never sought treatment for her macular degeneration until I found out, 5 years later, and a year into going to eye doctors, they couldn't improve it.  She did get help for one eye with her cataract surgeries and new glasses.  Peggy passed 5 weeks ago, I kept her glasses, she loved them.

It's so hard losing those we love...I found it odd when my mom passed as my dad had been gone for years before her, that now we are the matriarchs of the family...time seems to pass all too quickly.  I too lost my beloved Arlie 2 2/3 years ago (dog) and we hold them forever in our hearts.

My heart goes out to you in all of these losses, I remember when your dog passed.  Sending you thoughts of comfort and peace, it's a process. :wub:

Multiple Losses

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry about your sister Kay... I think we have had a similar path... I am thankful for your words, and am especially touched that you remember when I lost my Roxie 2 years ago. Too many losses... And now we are at the top of the list with our own mortality ever more evident. 

The memorial service will be in 2 1/2 weeks. My son is with me for a few days, but then I will be alone. I dread it... every minute alone magnified. The past 2 years I have spent so much of my time being with, and helping mom. I can't picture what I will do... I've had no real life of my own.  I don't regret the time spent with mom, in fact, I see it as a treasure.  I just don't have a plan for me.  I think I will need to "get away" for a bit, maybe a road trip. Everything and everyplace here is a trigger. So, we'll see. I have a therapist and I know she will help me with all of this. 

Thank you Kay and Marty for responding to my post. You are amazing women! 

IMG_0258.PNG

IMG_0259.PNG

IMG_0260.PNG

IMG_0256.PNG

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can tell I'd love your mom, what a beautiful smile!  Will be thinking of you as you have your mom's memorial.  I haven't gotten my family to respond about WHEN to hold my sister's!  One sister getting ready to go on 2 1/2 month trip to France and has had medical emergencies, other blind, brother working + trying to establish executor of estate (she didn't have her records in order, ugh!).  Summer not a good time as threat of fires/evacuations, can't leave my dog alone during those times.  So up in the air.

You have done so much, I hope you can take some times for YOU and get away for a breather soon.  :wub:  Well done, dear child, you've been a great daughter (she must have done a great job!).

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for the recommended resources Marty. They were perfect. 

Kay, I wish you didn't have to deal with these family struggles... I understand your frustration... It's amazing the differences between siblings... I am the oldest, the retired nurse practitioner, the one that needs to make sure everything is in order, "perfect." My sister is not the same. We are also having differences of opinions, but I am trying to keep focused on what I think my mother would have liked. Mom and I were so much alike, this is my last chance to create something she would have liked. 

Strange how people come into your life when you least expect it. Yesterday I went to a "clothing store" to look for a black dress. The dressing room attendant asked me how I was doing, I guess I gave her a lackluster answer, as she questioned my response (in a kind manner). Well, I started crying and told her my mother had just passed away and I was there to find a black dress. She immediately came around her counter, gave me a big hug and comforting words... Then asked, did your mother like colors? Well, as it happens, my Mom LOVED colors and did not like black clothes... The attendant said, black is old fashioned, wear something colorful, that's what your mother would have liked. She was so right! She hugged me again and provided additional comforting words. She shared that her sister was at that moment in Hospice, and that her mother had already passed away. That they both loved wearing colorful clothing....   She changed my whole experience at the store and was just the person I needed at just the right time! I emailed the corporate offices to advise of this beautiful employee. 

Here is another picture of mom on her last day before retirement. I love how she happy she looks! She had the most beautiful blue eyes... which she passed down to me. 🥰

 

 

B2429A6A-85AB-4950-B008-C1F80587E7FC_1_102_o.jpeg

  • Like 2
  • Like Copy 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, did you get the right clerk!  I love that and hope you found something colorful!  This picture reflects her personality!  What a beautiful mom!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...