Hoping He'll Be Okay

[GMS]

Hi all,

I was on this board to grieve a few years ago when my sweet kitty Mango passed away from cancer. He was by far the pet I had the biggest bond with and it was a very difficult time for me.

Now his 'brother' Marble, who turned 14 two months ago is sick. He's gone through a rough time the last few years. Had pancreatitis shortly after Mango passed. Last year he had to have all his teeth removed due to an autoimmune reaction causing sores in his mouth. About a week ago I realized he was having trouble going to the bathroom. Brought him to the vet and they found he had a mass in his abdomen as well as some intestinal swelling. They removed the poop manually but now a week later and he can't go again. So he will probably have surgery today or tomorrow to try to remove the mass and to clear up the poop issue. He's not a young cat so I am definitely nervous about his ability to make it through surgery but I think this is the only chance of making him comfortable. I've had a very rough couple of weeks agonizing watching him not feel well.

I know this board is for pet loss and I haven't lost him yet, but I hope it's okay to post here and share my angst.

For those who recently lost a pet one thing I can tell you from the last couple of years is you never forget... and that's a good thing. But it does get better. I adopted a kitty, Leon, shortly after I lost Mango. For a while I felt guilty and thought I made the wrong decision. He's not Mango, but is a super sweet cat and I am very happy.

Thanks for listening.

Gregg

[MartyT]

Hello again, Gregg. I'm so sorry for the reasons that bring you back to us. Clearly you are a kind and loving pet parent, and your Marble is blessed to have you in his life. 

I can assure you that the anticipation of losing a loved one can be just as difficult to navigate as the grief that follows that loss. See, for example, Anticipating The Loss of A Cherished Pet 

We will keep your Marble in our thoughts and, like you, pray for the best. Please do keep us posted on how his surgery goes.  ❤️ 

[kayc]

Gregg, having gone through the cancer journey with my precious Arlie (soulmate in a dog) and his subsequent death, I can tell you that anticipatory grief (worrying about them BEFORE they die) is a very hard part of the journey, it's not only losing them, it's being concerned about them and what they go through, added with the fears we have for what could be...you were absolutely right in coming here with your very real concerns.

Praying for you as you go through this, and hoping your kitty makes it through surgery and feels much better for having had it.  Please do let us know how Marble does...

[GMS]

Thanks for the kind words. He is in surgery now. 😥 Hoping he pulls through and I can have some more quality time with him.

[GMS]

Sadly the surgeon called me from the OR and said the cancer was quite bad. I knew when he called me it wasn't good. After talking to him I made the decision to not wake Marble up from surgery. It would have been a very poor quality of life. I knew there was a reasonable chance this would happen but I so wanted it to be something treatable that would have given him more quality time with me. When he called me my heart sank immediately.

His presence in this house will be so missed. I have two holes in my heart the last couple of years between Mango and now Marble. My family and even some of the people at work have been very helpful the last few days but I know I still have a lot of tears to shed as it all starts to sink in.

Thank you for having this board here to share my feelings and for your support.

[MartyT]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Gregg. Thank you for letting us know . . . Sending thoughts of comfort and healing to your broken heart ❤️

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your loss.  You definitely made the right call for him, now is where you take on his pain in the form of grief. It's the hardest thing in the world to get used to, missing them when they're gone.  It helped me to write about them so they're honored and remembered.  It's doing something constructive in your pain and heartbreak.  Come here any time.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers
Articles on Pet Loss

 

 

Memorializing Pets We Have Lost

 

 

[Novi]

I'm sorry for your loss. It's so difficult to watch them go through hard times when they are sick, and even more difficult to let them go.

[GMS]

2 hours ago, Novi said:

I'm sorry for your loss. It's so difficult to watch them go through hard times when they are sick, and even more difficult to let them go.

Thank you Novi. It has been difficult and I've gone through a lot of emotions. I would have done anything to give him more quality years. I was watching some videos of him yesterday. When I got Leon about 1 1/2 years ago Marble had so much fun running back and forth playing with him. He had some okay days but really stopped playing quite a few months ago. I'm sure he wasn't comfortable. I feel guilty for not recognizing how sick he was sooner, guilty for not being able to be by his side when he went, and even for thinking about getting another cat while he was still around. I know these are all normal feelings. But overall it just sucks going home to a quieter house.

[kayc]

We all go through the "what ifs" in early grief wondering if there's something else we could have done and feel guilty for every minute little thing we (perceive) we did wrong.  Feelings are not facts, but we can't talk ourselves out of our feelings, just try to forgive ourselves and remember to be as kind/understanding with ourselves as we would to a friend.

I'm so sorry.  I posted my "memories" hoping you'd consider writing/telling us about him, it helped me...

[GMS]

 Here are some pics of Marble. Two are with his brother Mango who passed away. I watched a video I recorded of the first day I let Mango out of the room to meet Marble. Marble followed him around for the whole 10 minutes I recorded just sniffing his butt. He was just fascinated, but he loved Mango from the first day he saw him. One pic is with his brother Leon who I wish he had gotten more quality time with. The first few months Marble would run up and down the halls with him. But he had several illnesses and after a while didn't play as much. He still was happy to have Leon around.

I may adopt a new cat this weekend from the rescue I got Leon from. I know it's very soon after Marble's passing but I know having another cat in the house will be a help to both myself and to Leon. We both miss Marble. I know Leon looks for him and I would like him to have company when I'm at work.

[Novi]

On 5/26/2022 at 10:21 AM, GMS said:

Thank you Novi. It has been difficult and I've gone through a lot of emotions. I would have done anything to give him more quality years. I was watching some videos of him yesterday. When I got Leon about 1 1/2 years ago Marble had so much fun running back and forth playing with him. He had some okay days but really stopped playing quite a few months ago. I'm sure he wasn't comfortable. I feel guilty for not recognizing how sick he was sooner, guilty for not being able to be by his side when he went, and even for thinking about getting another cat while he was still around. I know these are all normal feelings. But overall it just sucks going home to a quieter house.

You can't blame yourself, they hide their pain so well. I wish they could learn to let us know somehow when they are domesticated.

After my cat Sphinx passed away I got another cat, not to replace her, but to fill the void. I know she would have wanted that. She was a rescue and I know she would have wanted another cat to be loved and safe just like she was. 

[kayc]

I hope you find one then, it will likely help Leon.  The feral cat that keeps meowing at me I call Panther, not mine (feral cats don't "belong" to anyone, most won't domesticate) I fed it two days in a row and then it was pouring rain last night and it didn't show up.  Probably holed up somewhere.