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Okay, it has been one of those days.

First a little background... About 4 years ago when Carson was 3 he was diagonised with a teathered cord. This is where the spinal cord attaches to low to the vertabrae in the back and then stretches as a result of growth, as a result he didn't know when the feeling was there to use the bathroom. Well in the last couple of weeks this has started happing again but is coming on fast. There are about 3 doctors that have to be involved in this process and trying to coordinate it all and try to work around some of my work schedule is driving me completely nuts. If Karen were here it wouldn't be much of a problem sharing the time off from work, but being just myself I don't knowe where to turn.I have family here, but there are some things you just have to be there for yourself. He is in South Carolina right now with my dad and step-mom. The house is very lonely. I feel so overwhelmed right now that I feel like jumping out of my skin. I am fighting depression hand, tooth and nail and this just seems to throw me backwards. I want out of this roller coaster. Please help.

Derek

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Oh Derek, I am sorry you are facing this alone when it is so much easier when shared. All I can suggest is try to share the things you can...maybe you have to be there for the doctor visits, but maybe you can take turns with another mom or dad with childcare so you can have some time out for yourself? Besides, when you take someone else's child, it gives your child someone to play with and takes some of the pressure off of yourself and gives some more "fun times" for your child. It is hard taking off work financially plus we feel responsible to be there...but when one is a single parent, it is how it is and employer's have to understand...that's part of what the Family Leave Act was all about. I hope the doctors can be of some help in your son's situation.

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Guest PattiZ54

I know...life by yourself, with children, can be really overwhelming. My one child is grown and has three children of her own. She's a single mom and I'm a single grandma, so pretty much we just have each other. I've been feeling overwhelmed myself these days...they moved in with me due to a situation with my daughter, so now my "quiet" house is no longer quiet. Her car is not working right this minute so I've been having to drive her to work and get the kids to daycare each morning. It's been a big adjustment, but all I can do is keep going and just get through it.

I am so sorry to hear that your son is having problems! Is it possible for him to see a doctor in SC while he's with grandma and grandpa? Can they transport him back and forth?

Your pain and loss is still so new that it is exceptionally tough for you. You are missing Karen so much right now, but you have to know that she is with you trying to help you through this. It's amazing how strong we actually are and I KNOW that you are and that you and Carson will get through this trying time. You just have to have faith.

I know that we aren't a lot of help to you in your situation, but you know we are here to talk with. We will do all we can to keep your spirits up and to "help" where we can. Hugs to you Derek! and to Carson when you see him.

My thoughts are with you.

Patti

(Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004; I love and miss you, Dear!)

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Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.

Patti, that was a good suggestion, however his primary doctor is with Cook's childrens and the other doctors involved are also with Cook's, so when it comes to records transfer it will make things go smoother. Cook's is in Texas and unfortuneatly I don't think they are in South Carolina. His first appointment with his primary care doctor is while they are here in town for a family reunion so I already have that time off. It is the other doctors that will take time out. The biggest problem for me is the not knowing, I like to know what is going to happen so that I can arrange things around it. Right now I don't know if he will have surgery or not or what other tests he will have and visa versa. All of these doctor appointments may require descisions so I can't have someone else take him like I could if he had just a plain cold.

I woke up this morning feeling better, not so out of my mind like I was lastt night. I still have anxiety but it isn't as bad. It was one of those I let it all build up until I exploded. Continue to keep me in your thoughts and prayers while I go through this and thanks again for the suggestions.

God Bless

Derek

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi All,

I am sorry for all your losses, and can not imagine what everyone is going through.I am feeling like I am failing apart today as I sit here. I am wondering what God has in mind for me. I feel that I am just in a large prison and all the fun has been removed.... I do not understand why this is happening to me... I had two loving parents, a great friend and pet Chelsea... and a wonderful job and home with lots of neighbors who I adore.... I just wish I could understand why things had to change so much to me... Thank you for listening Shelley

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Shelley

I am so sorry that your are having such a bad day. i know what that feels like. just know that we are all here for you and are always willing to listen. When my day gets so bad i have been praying alot and also saying the rosary it keeps my mind occupied. i try to read what ever i can and i need to go get some new books to read. i come here alot b/c it helps me to read that i am not the only one feeling this way. we have to believe that we can get through this and most of all have hope. i will be praying for you and write whenever you need to. God Bless Lori

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Hi Roswell,

This might be a stupid question but who are you talking about... I hope I did not offend you in any way but I was curious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care Shelley

Sorry, should have been more specific. I'd imagine that's why I read more than I write...even though I have lot to say.

I was speaking to "dpodesta." I'm pullin' for him, I want things to work out his way. I want him to ultimately win.

I want him to conquer and defeat whatever comes his way.

No anger here STARKISS, just peace.

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Roswell,

Thank you, we will meet some day weather it be here on Earth or in heaven. I got some good news today, for the time being Carson may not have to haave surgery, it is now just a waiting game and see how the medication does and a follow up in 6 months. There still may be a chance, but it will be awhile from now.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers you are all a blessing to me.

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Hi Derek,

That is such great news about Carson, I know that he may still need surgery but for now he is your special little boy and he is doing better... Take care and I will continue to pray for you both God Bless both of you Shelley

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Derek I am so happy that you got some good news about your son. He is probably happy also since he probably would of been scared. Karen probably had some help with this. I wish you all the best with him. I hope each day brings you a little more happiness. God Bless Lori

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