Miss you

[7867]

It’s coming up to a year since I’ve lost my grandma..it’s been the hardest time of my life..I can’t move forward or do anything..I feel so much guilt cuz we wasn’t on the best of terms wen she passed and it breaks my heart..I can’t talk about her I can’t look at her pictures I just feel so guilty tht I had treated her badly just before she passed..the worse thing is I could of apologised to her but my stubbornness got the better of me and I will have to live with tht all my life..my heart hurts so much I dunno wat to do..everyone is moving on with there life and I can’t do tht..I miss her so so much it kills me..we was very close and like all families u have arguments I just wish I cud of said sorry to her and tell her I love her so much..I don’t think I will ever be ok my heart will always hurt..I miss you my beautiful grandma wish we cud be together inshallah one day we will and I can’t wait to be with u again ❤️

[Boho-Soul]

43 minutes ago, 7867 said:

I just feel so guilty tht I had treated her badly just before she passed..the worse thing is I could of apologised to her but my stubbornness got the better of me and I will have to live with tht all my life..my heart hurts so much I dunno wat to do..everyone is moving on with there life and I can’t do tht..I miss her so so much it kills me..we was very close and like all families u have arguments I just wish I cud of said sorry to her and tell her I love her so much

So sorry for your loss, and that you weren't on good terms before she died. I can't exactly relate to your situation as sadly I never knew either of my grandmothers, however...

I do know what it feels like to have unfinished business around a death. I had unsaid and unfinished conversations when my late husband died. First, if everyone is moving on with their lives as you say, it's important not to compare your grief journey with theirs. Your journey is as unique as the relationship you had with her. Second, if there are unsaid words, or apologies you can think about writing a letter to your late grandmother. Say everything you want to say in the letter, apologize, state your love, write that you miss her, write out whatever you feel you want to say.

Sorry your heart is hurting - I hope you can find a path to peace.

[MartyT]

Dear one, the advice Boho-Soul has given you is spot-on, and I hope you will heed what she has said about finishing unfinished business.

I also want to point you to some articles that I hope will speak to you in a helpful way. Some of the stories may differ from your own, but the information still applies. Note, too, the addirional resources listed at the base of each:

Grief and The Burden of Guilt

Guilt and Regret in Grief

How Can The World Go On When My Loved One Has Died?

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

In Grief: Am I Making Too Much of My Grandpa's Death?

[kayc]

My advice is the same, write her a letter or just openly talk to her out loud, tell her what you wish you would have said, tell her how much you love her and that you can't wait to see her again.  She is only a wind's breath away...

Continuing Bonds - WYG
Continuing Relationships
Continuing beyond physical death
Continuing Bonds - rituals, world, body, life, beliefs, cause, time, person, human

I do hope these articles will aid you in getting through your guilt feelings...
Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death
Address Guilt When Grieving
and this video is helpful as well:

 

 

I am very sorry for your loss.