Rory

[cincycats00]

Hello Everyone,

I just joined this site because I am having an extremely difficult coming to terms with my boyfriend's death last Thursday, August 17th. He was just 27 years old with a bright, bright future ahead. He was killed at approximately 8:45am on the 17th in a motorcycle accident in Cincinnati, Ohio. I am so confused right now. I feel selfish because I want to hold him, touch him, and be with him. But now I can't. I also have been wishing that I was on the back of his bike when this occurred so that we were together and he didn't go alone. I have so much anger and hate for the lady who pulled out in front of him. I am quite sure it was an accident, but she still killed my baby. She took SO much away from SO many people. I miss him so incredibly much. I live in Florida and he was in Ohio, but we were in the middle of making plans for him to come live here with me. We were so perfect for one another. I have cried every day since last Thursday, I am so emotionally spent. There is no relief for me in sight. I am a teacher and trying to vie with 30 freshmen for five hours per day is taking a real toll on me. Rory is the only thing I think about. I loved him so incredibly much. He was such a polite, hard working, and honest man, one who would anything for anybody. I just do not know where to go from here. I just think about the accident itself and hope he didn't suffer at all. I talked to the first person who got to him after this occurred and this gentleman told me that Rory was still breathing when he arrived. But, he was unresponsive. Rory hated wearing his helmet and this day was no different. He was in a 55mph zone and I am sure he was doing the speed limit. He usually never exceeded the limit on his bike. I just feel so guilty that I wasn't there with him when this occurred. I keep picking up the phone and looking to see if he has called. This is really weird but when I lived in Cincy for a few months, I worked at the YMCA. I was not too much of a happy camper working there so when I would get bored, I would color Rory various cartoon pictures. This one day, I colored him an Elmo picture. The picture said, "I love you." Ever since that day, whenever we would part ways, we would both say, "Elmo." We both knew that meant, "I love you." That was someting special between us. I never had the chance to say goodbye, no chance to let him know how much heis loved. I know he is watching me though. And I love him with all of my heart.

[ann]

i am very sorry for ur loss, cindy. i am praying for u right this very moment for God to give u the strength to handle his death. like u, i lost my ex-boyfriend on a motorcycle accident 4 months ago. i went through so much pain and guilt too.i was not also able to say goodbye to him. but as months passed by, i am slowly adjusting to the fact that i will no longer see him again. i remember crying everyday for the 1st 3 months. the pain was real 'hell' for me. and i just kept on praying to God for strength each day.

please hang on cindy, we are here to listen to you and be with u in your times of sorrow. this site has helped me a lot in dealing with my grief, and i do hope it can help u too..

[dpodesta]

I am sad to hear of your loss, but at the same time welcome to this site, it is full of caring people that will do their best to help you get throgh this difficult time. Don't feel bad that you weren't with him, there is nothing you could have done to change things. I used to work on a ambulance and have witnessed a mototcycle accident. The guy was wearing a helment and it didn't help him due to the speed of hitting the car that pulled in front of him, the speed limit for this road was 45. I lost my wife 5 months ago to a heart attack and like you I wasn't able to say goodbye and to tell her how much I loved her. I wish to this day that I could hold her one more time. I know that she knows how much she meant to me. The next couple of months will be a very trying time for you with a lot of emotions. Just keep coming to this site and posting what you are going through and plenty of people will be here for you. Take care and God bless.

[Roswell]

I'm commonly known for being short on words. However, welcome to the site. May you find peace and solitude here. So sorry for your loss, and as you're already well aware...there's no words anyone could compose or put together that could alleviate your pain and suffering.

Most likely you're feeling lost, as if you're in a world all your own. It's difficult to stumble across someone who understands your loss and grievance. I usually turn to the Lord, I find myself in church quite often. I like frequenting during the week, when nobody's there.

Your loss is so fresh, so new, I'm unable/incapable of providing you with positive news. It's a long road, a hard journey. However, just so you know..

you can grieve as long as you wish. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Condolences and warmest regards, William

[cincycats00]

i am very sorry for ur loss, cindy. i am praying for u right this very moment for God to give u the strength to handle his death. like u, i lost my ex-boyfriend on a motorcycle accident 4 months ago. i went through so much pain and guilt too.i was not also able to say goodbye to him. but as months passed by, i am slowly adjusting to the fact that i will no longer see him again. i remember crying everyday for the 1st 3 months. the pain was real 'hell' for me. and i just kept on praying to God for strength each day.

please hang on cindy, we are here to listen to you and be with u in your times of sorrow. this site has helped me a lot in dealing with my grief, and i do hope it can help u too..

[cincycats00]

Thank you Derek. I had a better day today because I was keeping myself busy. I posted a Moving Tribute to Rory on www.legacy.com. That really helps me cope because I can see his face every day. It is hard though at the same time because I know I'll never be able to hold him again. I feel so guilty about all of this because the last time I spoke to him, he hung up on me as he got angry about something or other. I know he knew how much I truly loved him though. I had gone back home (Cincinnati) this past July and got to have dinner with him as well as beginning to make plans for him to visit and possibly live here in Florida with me. He had so much to look forward to in this life and for some stranger to end everything so senselessly is extremely difficult to handle. I just wish I was there with him so I could let him know how much he is loved. Both of our families are Catholic and extremely close-knit. I really feel that my family will help me get through this although it is going to take a long, long time. At his funeral, the priest said, "This is not for us to understand." I keep thinking about that and I keep trying to tell myself that only the Lord knows why this happened. But I wish I could make some sense of it all. I really feel that Rory was placed on this Earth to set a living example of how we should be living our lives. I went to church today and the priest said, "In the life after this life, our lives are forever." And I believe that is true. I really feel that Rory is watching over me every day. However, I want to be with him so badly. He was my true love and we were looking so forward to building a future together. I felt his presence last night when I turned on the television and immediately say Elmo. Whenever we would say "Elmo" to one another, we knew that meant "I love you." I have seen Elmo twice now since his funeral. Every time I see Elmo, I know Rory is with me. I know he is with me all the time actually. I only knew him for, a year but we had so many wonderful times together in that one year. The memories will sustain me until I can see him again in Heaven.

I am sad to hear of your loss, but at the same time welcome to this site, it is full of caring people that will do their best to help you get throgh this difficult time. Don't feel bad that you weren't with him, there is nothing you could have done to change things. I used to work on a ambulance and have witnessed a mototcycle accident. The guy was wearing a helment and it didn't help him due to the speed of hitting the car that pulled in front of him, the speed limit for this road was 45. I lost my wife 5 months ago to a heart attack and like you I wasn't able to say goodbye and to tell her how much I loved her. I wish to this day that I could hold her one more time. I know that she knows how much she meant to me. The next couple of months will be a very trying time for you with a lot of emotions. Just keep coming to this site and posting what you are going through and plenty of people will be here for you. Take care and God bless.

Thank you so much. I know that getting my feelings out will definitely help me get through this. This is so hard for me because I have lost my grandparents, but that was quite some time ago. I have not lost anyone in five years and Rory and I were so close. He meant the world to me.

[dpodesta]

I have found that keeping myself busy helps a lot. THe first couple of months tho I kept myself so busy that I was just totally exausted. I finally had to slow down and take a look at myself and what my life was going to be like now. I tried to think about the future way too much and it drove me crazy. Since then I have learned to have sometime to myself and relax and not do anything. It is hard at times because there is so much to do around the house, but I am learning to just let some of it go, it isn't as important as my health or the time I can spend with Carson. Please keep coming back to this site and I look forward to hearing from you and how things are going for you. You will be in my prayers.

[kayc]

I too want to say how sorry I am for your loss. Unexpected loss comes as quite a shock and we often grapple with the pain of not having been able to say goodbye.