Anniversary Days

[Leann]

Hi, everybody...

My Dad's birthday will be coming up November 1st. This will be the first of my first anniversary days. I'm trying to find a way to let my Dad know I remembered his birthday. I was shopping at my local Wal-mart this evening, looking for a birthday card for a friend of mine. Anyhow, I saw (by chance) a beautiful birthday card for a Dad, which truly spoke to me. I bought it just because I liked it (pretty silly, huh?); I would like to "send" it to my Dad. Any suggestions?

Yesterday, I had one of my students come up to me; he shared with me that it was the fifth anniversary of his aunt's death and he was having a hard time (she was a young women killed in a auto accident). I gave him a big hug and told him that yes, anniversary days can be hard and to come see me anytime that day he felt he needed a hug. Before my Dad's death, I would have felt for this little boy,of course, but yesterday was different. I don't know how to describe it....just suffice it to say my heart hurt for him in a way I wouldn't have understood before Dad died. I felt like we had an even deeper bond now.

Hugs,

Leann

[LoriW]

Leann,

I don't know if I have any suggestions. Here's what I did on my Mom's birthday which was July 8th. I went and purchased some new flowers and put them on her grave. My youngest daughter had gone to the store with me and she wanted to get a Happy Birthday balloon for her. She chose Sponge Bob, and at first, I was hesitant....I guess the reverence to sacred ground, I guess because my Mom was dead. Sounds silly now. Anyway, I let her get it because had my Mom been alive for this birthday that's what my daughter would have wanted to give her.

Later in the day, I rode an hour and a half up to my Dad's. I thought he would have a difficult time and I didn't want him to face the evening alone. We went to Mass with my Dad and then he took us out to dinner with some of my parents' friends. It was like a birthday party but without the birthday girl. We went back to my Dad's and we all played a game my Mom had taught my daughters when they would spend time with them. It's called Chickenfoot.

I won't lie to you. It was one of the most difficult anniversary days I had been through, and by July I had been through several since her death in November. But... there is something more about their birthday. That was THEIR birthday. A day we celebrated with them another year and all the memories. It's a day unique to them...when we have Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving...those are hard, but those birthday's belong to them. I took that day moment by moment. I had a real good cry before I got out of bed and it was for myself and the "what would I be doing today had she been here" then I did what I needed to do and as I got into my day I knew my Mom's spirit was near. I especially felt it at her house playing that game with my daughters and my Dad.

Take it moment by moment and you will be fine. I hope that helps. Peace to you.

Lori

[shell]

Leann,

I don't think it was silly to buy the card. The only idea I can suggest is to just write what you want to express on it and put it in a special spot in your house, maybe light a candle by it.

That is so beautiful about your student. What a comfort you will be to him. It makes me want to cry.

Hugs,

Shell

[lorikelly]

I am dreading my moms b-day , hers is not til april a week before mine and falls this yr on Good Friday which is always a sad day for me. i am so nervous about the holidays coming up and then what about mothers day. i have already decieded that we will go away for thanksgiving overnight somewhere i don't think i could stay home. but then i also think this is the only place i want to be and i hate going places. so mixed up i am to preoccuppied with these holidays. i will try to remenber what everyone else did. one of my clients told me on thanksgiving (the first one w/o her dad)they left a chair for him and that helped. another client told me on her dads death anniv she goes to the cemetary with breakfast and eats it there. she brings her dad a cup of dunkin donuts coffee *this was his favorite) and before she leaves she pours it on his grave. she said her husband gave her this idea (he is a psychiatrist) i liked it. well i can only hope that we can all do the best we can to get through these hard times. to bad we all couldn't get together. lori

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I too found it hard when the first anniversary of their deaths happened. It was very hard especially for the month of June this year being the first time I did not have my dad for his birthday which was June 6th and the first time I did not have him on Father's day either... I made it through with tears and sadness and I know you will too... You just have to believe that they are with you in your hearts and your memories.... For my mom's first anniversary I went to the nearby park and said a prayer and a peom I wrote and I let go a balloon which said missing you on it.... I did the same thing for my dad just recently.... I find now I still miss them but it is not as bad I think that I just remember my memories of them and it helps a great deal.... Take care Shelley