Strange Physical Grief Manifestations

[MarieR]

Hi...I am new to this forum. I lost my friend to breast cancer 10 months ago. I have never experienced grief before...I have lost grandparents..but didn't feel this! My friend was 48 when she died. It has thrown me for a loop. I have moved thru alot of the emotional stuff and still do..but I have also felt so many wierd physical things....like dizzy, off balance...out of sync with my body,feeling like my body weighs 500 pounds...it's hard to walk at times. I have the book..Getting thru the first year of grief and I know it mentions these things. I would feel comforted to know that someone else has felt so Out of body too. It scares me!! Thanks for any input! Marie

[shell]

Marie,

Welcome to the board. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a close friend can be just as hard as losing a family member. I have gone through some weird physical feelings too! I think grief sends our bodies and minds into total chaos. I think it messes up your whole metabolism. So these feelings are normal and will change as time goes on. They can definitely be scary, but try to remember they are normal and just float through them.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[MarieR]

Shell,

Thanks for the welcome and supportive words. I try to stay calm with the physical stuff...the emotional is hard enough...let alone feeling like my body has loose wiring ! I am amazed at the power of grief...I think I am glad that I didn't know what to expect. I thought I would be depressed for two months and then get back to life as I knew it. It was two months before I even could put together what had happened...I was numb, even though she fought two years and I knew she would probably die. This was the closest friend I have ever had...I don't have alot of friends..but when I'm in relationship, it's usually pretty deep. I am trying to figure out who I am now..reality has changed somewhat..although I see I am the same mostly...I feel the veil of ignorance/bliss has been dropped...people that I love die...and before my friend died, I knew that, but it wasn't something that happened to me..to my people. I was so glad to read about how everyone else is tired and feeling like they can't concentrate...the simplest things seem to be overwhelming sometimes. It's hard because I am usually up and running at daybreak and go in a healthy pace throughout the day. Now, if I can get a few things done, I'm happy. I pray my energy will return, as well as my peace.

Marie

[lorikelly]

Hi i am so sorry that you had to come here . i wish none of us had to experience this pain. i just want you to know that you are normal.. i lost my mom on 7/3/06 and the pain is so deep. i to felt physically stuff, i lost wt, had chronic diar and no sleep . my legs would tremble and i could not sit still. i realized i was suffering from anxiety attacks and take something when they get so bad. i also had nausea. some of those symptoms have gone but the sleep is bad. i cry everyday and do my best to get throught one moment at a time. keep coming her the people are great and it will help alot.

[AnnC]

Grief does seem to hit us much harder than we ever expect. When my ex-husband died, I expected to be bereaved, and that I would grieve for him for a couple of months, as you say. Well, I cried every single day for two years. And now, 2 1/2 years on, I cry at least every other day.

Years ago, a coworker of mine was murdered. We worked together daily, and were not particularly close, just friendly, but the shock and grief were overwhelming. I remember walking down the street and being so out of it that I fell off the sidewalk into the street. I was just wandering around in shock.

My energy is returning, slowly. And my concentration, too, but it is still affected by my ex's death. It's better, but not to where it was before. Still, after 2 1/2 years, I can at least function at work!

[Maylissa]

MarieR,

I, too, have had, and now again, have many physical manifestations of a grieving body. We have to understand that modern medical views are unrealistic and have done us no favours in attempting to separate the body from the mind and emotions. It is instead our thoughts and emotions that make our bodies what they are, and that they simply reflect what's going on inside our minds, and not the other way around. Just as we are what we eat, we also and even more directly, are what we THINK and FEEL! So it really ought to be expected that our bodies will reflect all that we're experiencing. Louise L. Hay wrote one of the ground-breaking books on this, called "Heal Your Body", where she lists many of the common physical conditions we fall into, along with the emotional components that brought the condition into play and affirmations we can tell ourselves to help bring about the changes inside to rid ourselves of these conditions. Even the right side vesus the left side of any bodily complaint means something different. From all the times I've used it as a guide, for not only myself but for others, it's remarkable how one can see someone's core issues reflected in their body. I recommend it highly....although there's no specific, lone reference to "grief", as symptoms are so highly individual, even if common.

For myself, right now I've got severe back pain, continuing pain ( since early summer this year ) in my left arm and left foot....reflecting my current inability to take in feminine receptivity, fear of the future and of not stepping forward in life, my understanding of ( in my case ) life ( and resistance to change ), burdens, overload, helplessness, confusion, worry, inability to digest ( life ), anger at life and stuffed feelings.....so it's no small WONDER my poor body is feeling terrible!! So, too, and firstly, is my MIND ( and heart )!! I'm also exhausted by every little thing I have to do, and even the thought of doing things, my memory is sucking big-time ( once again; never did recover it fully after 2 other losses 2.5 years ago, now have a worst one, so it's just horridly bad ), can't concentrate for more than a few seconds at times, wasn't sleeping, now am but it's not restful whatsoever, have had my classic emotional diarrhea ( = fear, rejection, running off ), can't eat normally ( although since the weight-gain from the other losses, not such a bad thing! ), can't breath properly ( very shallow ) and have had several dizzy spells since my recent loss ( our fur-baby ). In other words, I'm as much of a wreck in all aspects, as anyone else here.

So, yes, if you manage to get just a few things done in a day, pat yourself on the back that you're able to get at least THAT much done! I've had to do quite a few things in the last 19 days since our loss and am completely wiped-out afterwards, and so is my husband. We're not caring about much at all right now, but accept that that's how it's going to be for awhile. Our poor bodies are just along for the ride, that's all, and we should be able to feel sorry for ourselves and treat ourselves compassionately because of all the energy we're losing to emotional upheaval.

[shell]

Marie,

You said you have to figure out who you are now. I have felt that same thing and so have many others on this board. I think that is partially why we have these weird physical symptoms going on too. We don't feel like ourselves, if that makes any sense! You never realize how much of your own "identity" is tied in with the people in your life until one of them is gone. And grief is the most exhausting thing I have ever been through, both mentally and physically.

Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

[MarieR]

Thank you for all the responses to my plea for support. The body is amazing..I recently read that the mind has a body and the body has a mind. I'm getting that, loud and clear. I am amazed at the huge hole that losing my best friend has left in my life. It is true that you don't know how many places one person occupies in you heart and mind and life, until they are ripped out of it. What is left is this form with gaping holes..no wonder my energy doesn't flow right..it has to leap over canyons of quiet, empty spaces to connect to itself again. My body screams of imbalance and heaviness..shakiness and vulnerability. I feel like I am naked or new born and to say that I feel vulnerable is a major understatement. I see why we cocoon ourselves to deal with this...especially the first time. We don't know what has hit us..our belief system is challenged and any other issues that we've neglected to deal with also show themselves..thank you very much...like this wasn't enough on my plate! I have the intention to grow from this..I decided that when my friend was diagnosed almost 3 years ago..that is still my intention and I see that there is alot to learn and that this is the hardest work I've ever had to do.

peace and hugs...

Marie

[shell]

Marie,

Great attitude. I think that we all have something to learn from our grief and hopefully will grow from it. Good luck. I know what you mean about the gaping holes. I've said before that my heart feels like a piece of swiss cheese....full of holes with every loss.

Take care.

Hugs,

Shell

[Leann]

Hi, shell:

I truly like your swiss cheese analogy....thank you! I had never thought of greiving in that way, but it seems to be so true.

Hugs,

Leann