My Losses

[Fern]

Hello,

I have visited this site for the past several weeks. It has been very comforting for me. Thank you all.

I have attempted to write a post about my losses in the last six months several times. That has been too difficult - too many emotions. So I thought if I made it really brief, maybe I could do it.

About six months ago, we lost my "senior" horse Smokey. About a month and a half later, we lost a couragous and dignified cat that adopted us when she was a kitten about 10 years ago. Then, just five weeks ago we lost our beloved dog. We knew Smokey's time was winding down on this earth. Still hard to say goodbye to him. Raja, the cat, was hit by a car - so even though she was older, it was definitely unexpected. Moke-a-mae, our sweet dog's death was the result of a trajic accident that I witnessed and should have prevented. We had her to our vet's within minutes of the accident. After xrays and IV, we were in the process of driving her to a trauma center about 200 miles away when she died.

My husband has made wonderful markers for their graves. We have had memorial services - which really helped.

Thanks to my caring vet, we have had a tremendous amount of support from friends and neighbors in the loss of Mokey. Everyone who knew us knew how important she was to us. Phone calls, cards, cake and card, applesauce and cards. Even this week I talked to a neighbor that I haven't talked to all summer. She remarked how sorry she was to hear about Mokey.

But it is still so hard.

Yesterday, was the fifth week anniversary of her death. The last couple of days I thought I was really doing good. Then "wham" - the pain. I am middle aged and did not think I had lived a sheltered life. But this has been the most devastating experience I have ever been through.

As you can tell, my brief account in not brief. But, at least I am not in tears. And maybe I will be able to send this

I firmly believe that she is happy where she is. But I miss her so much.

Thanks for listening.

[avsqr_dancer]

Fern,

I am so sorry for your losses-so (TOO) many in such a short time. If you have been following these posts, then you know my story, so I won't bore you with the details.

But I am also a middle-aged woman, but the loss of Tawny was the most devasted loss that I can remember. And that is in spite of still having 3 other pets, and a husband. (And losing both my parents 7 weeks apart last summer and my brother-in-law in April.)

And I can tell you that some days or some times of the day are better than others. It has been 6 weeks since Tawny died, and I still cry every day. But, I don't cry nearly as often as I did at first, and I don't think the pain is as intense, but it is still there.

Give yourself permission to grieve and don't make excuses why you shouldn't. You have every right to feel what you feel, and as you see here, we certainly understand the depth of your pain.

I wish your peace and healing on this very difficult journey.

[lorikelly]

Hi i lost my mom in july and then my wonderful Spanky on sept 22. my world has fallen apart, both of them gone. i wonder why alot. i feel lost and afraid. afraid that this pain will never end. that there will never be a day when i don't cry. i look for spanky everywhere. he was the one i talked to about mom. i do have a wonderful husband and two boys 11 adn 8 but spanky just had a certain way. i had him 15 yrs and mom was 79 but i wanted them so much more. maybe that is selfish but i don't care i needed and wanted them. lori

[avsqr_dancer]

Hi Lori,

I don't think that is selfish at all. I do not think that we are really ever ready to lose those that we love no matter how old they are. My mom was 83 and my dad was 89, but I was still not ready. Losing your parents at any age is tough. And then to lose such a faithful companion on top of that makes it all that much harder. Although I only had Tawny for a year and a half, she had become so much a part of our lives and our hearts that it was devastating to lose her. She too was there to comfort me through the loss of my parents, always licking away my tears, and cuddling up close to me in bed. Although my pain has eased, it has not gone away either. Intellectually I know it will some day, but emotionally I too wonder.

[dpodesta]

Fern,

It has been many years since I lost a pet, in fact I was a teenager when it happened. With the recent loss of my wife and the reading of these posts I do remember the pain I went through. I think the first weeks to months we are in shock, so we just don't feel anything. We grieve so hard the first couple of days that our body just shuts it off sometimes to protect itself. And then weeks later the shock starts to wear off and then we feel like the day it happened. Just keep coming here and posting when you are up to it. We will be here for you.

[STARKISS]

Hi Fern,

I am very, very sorry for all your losses.. But know that the people hear are here to help you anyway they can... I have lost both my parents last year four months apart as well as this year I lost my beloved parrot Shamrock... I hope that you continue to post and know that people here do understand and care about what is happening... Take good care Shelley

[daddyslilgirl]

I am so sorry for you losses...Losing any thing close to your heart is hard. My Dad paased away March 7, 2006 and I came back home and my horse Crash passed 2 weeks after my Dad...I felt like the world was falling down around me..