Lost My Mom

[curlyredheads]

Hi All,

I am new to this site. I joined a couple of days ago in hopes to find others like me who are grieving the loss of their mother. My mother passed away August 1st after her four year battle with kidney cancer. I am still in shock that she is gone. She was my best friend and I miss her so badly. It is hard not being able to pick up the phone and hear her voice. These last few weeks have been especially hard. I cry all the time and have no energy or motivation to do anything. I have two girls that give me reason to get out of bed everyday otherwise I think I would stay there. I have friends and family who have given me support but now they have moved on and don't understand the constant day to day pain that I am in. I hope to find others here who know how I feel.

Libby "aka curlyredheads"

[lorikelly]

Libby

I know how you feel i lost my mom on 7/3/06 and i feel exactly the same way. i have a wonderful husband and 2 boys but still feel so horrible. i would hide myself under my covers and never get up if i didn't have them. i work in the evenings so now i get my boys off to school and then go back to be til about 12 and then get up and do my housework. i think i can sleep the pain away. i am not sure what to tell you to make you feel better because i don't know how to make myself feel better. it just helps knowing that we are not alone. the other night at work i said to a friend of mine that i am not doing good with the holidays coming up and she said "oh come on you have to get over it" how do i get over my mom, grief, missing her etc. i was at a loss for words. i think some people just don't get it. hang in there i am here for you and so is everyone else on this site. lori

[STARKISS]

Hi Curlyredheads,

Welcome to the site, I am so very sorry for your loss, I am glad that you found this site the people here are really wonderful and make you feel like you really do care. I lost my mom in April of 2005, She died in hospital while we were on vacation... She went into a diabetic coma and never came out of it.. I know it has been over a year but I miss her so much like it was yesterday... I hope this helps take care Shelley

[curlyredheads]

Hi Shelly and Lori,

Thank you so much for your words. I do find comfort in knowing that others feel the same way I do. Lori - I don't know how you do it as there would be no way I could work right now. I can even barely get the laundry done and the rest of the housework. Plus, having to deal with co0workers and that friend of yours. Oh my! I would have been at a loss for words as well. Don't people understand that losing a love one is not just something you get over.

Libby

[LoriW]

Libby,

I am so sorry for you. Don't expect too much from yourself. Your Mom has only been gone 3 months. My Mom died 11/30/2005. I think when I was at 3 months the initial shock was just wearing off and I was really beginning to feel the rawness of the wound and my loss.

In the nearly 1 year since my own Mom's death I have experienced so many different emotions I sometimes find it all hard to understand. It's especially hard when you try to get back into your life and your head is not fully there. I remember I went back to work a week after my Mom died and the awkwardness for some people to talk to me was amazing, but then there were the ones who opened the arms to me and they knew the pain. I had to do Christmas last year...I think if my girls weren't here I would not have...but they were 6 and 9 and although I was late getting the tree up and found myself rushing around last minute for Christmas presents it brought some "normalcy" into my new life.

My suggestion: Don't rush yourself. Feel the pain of missing your Mom. I still do. I don't cry everyday but I cray several times a week. Don't try and rush your grief for others. I remember last year at Christmas in-laws wanted me to go on with the regular festivities and I didn't and just told them that THIS Christmas was different. I feel better than the first few months but let me tell you that those firsts without my Mom have sometimes taken my breath away. Days like Christmas, Mother's Day, my birthday, her birthday...now I look at my first Thanksgiving without my Mom and the last time I saw her alive.

Be good to yourself in the coming months. Share with us your bad days and your good ones too. You will find here that there are so many who care and can relate to your own experiences and for all the I am grateful.

Hugs and peace to you. I know how hard it is.

Lori

[curlyredheads]

Hi Lori,

Thank you for your thoughts. The firsts of everything will be hard. My father and his wife (my parents were divorced) have invited us for Thanksgiving. I dread going because I don't want to feel like I have to be chipper there. My father is sympathtic to my pain but he and my mom were divorced over 13 years ago so he has moved on. You mentioned this being your first Thanksgiving without your mom. What are your plans? Christmas will be hard as well as my mom's husband is coming to spend it with us. It will be so weird to have him here and my mom not with him. As you said I will take it one day at a time and let the grief come when it does. I think like you I will do things differently this year as well. I just don't think I can handle doing Christmas etc they way I have done in prevous years. My in-laws live here in town and are just going to have to understand and be patient with me this year.

Hugs to you as well,

Libby

[daddyslilgirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 7 months ago tommarow and I still hurt like it was yesterday. Don't push yourself into doing anything more than you feel comfortable with. I did from the get go and haven't stoped. I don't suggest doing that. I still have yet to break down and bawl. I guess that's a good thing, but I am told the longer it waits, the worse it will be. If you want to scream and holler and cry, do it, but also don't forget to remember the good times. I close my eyes during the day and for just a second, I can see him smiling, or saying "now Lil girl"..And for those few moments I am very thankful..I get up every morning, because I know he'd want me too, I try everyday to keep his memory alive, I show my kids things he showed me, and I never ever forget to say I Love You to those I love. Losing my Dad was the hardest thing I have ever gone thru but I am greatful for 33 years..Look in the mirror..She lives in you...Thoughts and prayers for you and if you ever need an ear...

[Haley]

Libby

Welcome with open arms and a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

I also like the others are in the same boat I lost my MOM 7 months ago and I am still numb I also have kids mine are 3 boys and thats all I have but they are the greatest I only keep on going forward because of them. Like said before from everyone else we have to take it one day at a time and it does not matter if you cry I am still crying to this day I still go to the phone to talk to my MOM. I actually found my self at my MOM'S house yesterday just walking through it why I don't have that answer but I just went there and it is no easier now as it was then I still want my MOM with me and I still try to talk to her. I am still knda numb and maybe not wanting to see it is real yet but hey I am human. I do not have the answers for you except hang in there and show your emotions as you need to, and your MOM would not want you to give up not now I have to remind my self that all the time I am truely sorry for your loss and its not easy but hopefully coming to the site and being where we all are together in the kinda same boat and see that you can say and do what you want and you nobody wil judge you. As the first of things its not easy but we all have to go on and our family members would not want us to stop. I am dreading the holidays, Halloween was so hard and thats for kids but my boys would go to my MOM'S and show off there costumes and take her there reese's peices candy bars MOM'S favorite and nothing this year I sat there like a bump on a log so please for you mom keep going even if it is at a slow pace hang in there we are all here for you.

Thanks

Haley

[curlyredheads]

Hi Haley,

Sorry for your loss as well. Some day it has to get easier for all of us. I too still try to call my mom but she is not there. Her husband calls occasionnally and her name comes up on the caller id because the phone was in her name. It freaks me out every time he calls and I keep hoping to hear her voice. Hang in there because one day we will get to talk to our loved ones again. Halloween was hard for me as well. My youngest daughter squeezed herself into a Halloween costume my mom had made for her. Both my daughters miss my mom so much and it is hard to see how they grieve her as well. But I keep strong for them just as you have to keep strong for your boys. And I too dread the upcoming holidays. Christmas is going to be especially hard this year as my mom's husband is coming here to spend the holidays and she will not be with him.

Hugs to you,

Libby

[Haley]

Libby

Yea you are right and at least you have your mom's husband spending the holidays with you that is good I am having thanksgiving dinner at my house boy oh boy is it going to be hard but we have to do it and with my boyfriend and his mom coming over we will get through it together oh Iforgot to tell you my boyfriend (Billy) lost his dad in August also yea really but together we will make it I am making some sort of memory wall for all of them cause he also lost his Aunt and his dog and his moms best friend in the last 2 years so I am trying to do my best but with the love we all have I will make it and yes like youfor my boys. Yea some days are better than others but the pain is always there huh. Well I will talk to you later

Thanks

Haley

[curlyredheads]

Haley,

I am so sorry for all the losses in your life. I cannot even imagine going through what you have gone through. It is hard enough to lose one person. Hang in there and keep strong for your boys. On another subject, you really sound like your dreading Thanksgiving and that you do not even have the energy for it. I don't blame you at all. I don't think there would be anyway I could do. Anyways, have you thought of a couple of other possibilities like going out to eat or buying a prepared meal from one of your local grocery stories or doing a potluck. I am going the potluck route myself with Christmas since I am having it here. And speaking of Christmas, having my mom's husband here is not all that wonderful. I love him for loving my mom and for taking care of her but he is extremely difficult to be around. I have been known to yell at him when things were good. I cannot imagine if he does something to anger me now I do not know what I will do. The last battle I had with him was when we cleaned out his and my mom's house and he tried forcing me to give a piece of my mom's jewerly to his daughter. And the things he kept picking out for her was stuff my dad had given my mom. Oh it was hard not to just loose control. Enough about him because I could go on ranting for awhile. I hope you are doing better today.

Hugs to you,

Libby

[STARKISS]

Hi Haley,

I am so very sorry for all your losses, I am dreading the holiday season coming as for me it has been a little better of a year but still trying to deal with last year's losses.... I loss my mom in April of 2005, I loss my dad in August of 2005, I loss my favorite aunt in March 2003, I loss my favorite uncle in August of 2003... We just loss a little while ago a parrot named Shamrock, and two cats named FatCat and Spike.... I had to move out of my childhood home of 28 years last November, I switched my job after 12 years because of relocating.... My dog Chelsea who is six years old had to move in with my brother because I could not have her where I live now.... I have had Chelsea since she was five weeks old...So here am I now just trying to find out how the new me is going to handle the next big holiday Take care Shelley