Silence

[Haley]

Hi to everybody

I have not been to the site in a week or so but I have been so busy with everything lately and all the reason I have started a new topic is I want to see if anybody has any input for me here is my problem.

I have all of a sudden claimed up to where I do not speak really only when I have to I have all of a sudden stopped talking to everybody but a few people like really only maybe 5 and thats only because I do nothing but cry is has been 7 months for my MOM left me and I am losing it in life I have nothing good to say and nothing good to do. I barely made it pass halloween with my boys I wanted to stay home and hide but of course anybody with kids knows you can not and it was so hard because we use to go show my MOM the boy's costumes and than they would take her some candy after that but BAM not this year it stopped no warning no nothing just stopped.

I also have started crying almost every morning and can not stop and I try to talk to her but MOM wont talk back and with the holidays the meaningful ones coming up what am I going to do I am having thanksgiving at my house and I have no family coming my MOM left me and my sister and grandmother moved away and I am a mother who can not afford to take time off from work and I am hurting still so bad the pain and hurt has not eased up or gone away at all.

I am starting to want revenge with everybody that has ever hurt me or done wrong to me and I am such an emotional wreck that if somebody says anything that is said in a not calm voice I start crying and go off, I am so defensive also. any ideas to help please not a councler I hate people (most) i am not a people person

Thanks

Haley

[daddyslilgirl]

Haley, I am so sorry hon that you are feeling so bad. I think part of grieving is anger and wanting to be left alone. At least I hope it is our you and I are going nuts. I find myself getting mad at people that before I would just blow off. I listen to the phone ring cause I don't want to talk to people. Have you tried journaling? I know that helps me alot. Write letters to her in it, so just write what you are feeling. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever need to talk..just holler

[shell]

Haley and Daddyslilgirl,

I go through those stages too (in fact, I'm in the "I don't want to talk to anyone" stage right now!) and I can so relate to getting mad at people. The other day I was at the commissary and our "bag boy" (whose a friend also) was telling me about a problem he had. Another "bag boy" (whose in his 30's at least) kept interrupting us and blabbing on about nothing. It was ridiculous...so the fifth time he did it, I looked him straight in the eyes and said "Shut up". I couldn't believe it popped out of my mouth! I felt bad, but I also just didn't care. He was being rude and obnoxious, but everyone got really quiet and I was somewhat embarrassed. Luke, our friend, said he was glad I said it! Anyway, talk about losing it! So, we all do it. Don't beat yourself up over it...we are all on edge.

Hugs to both of you,

Shell

[lorikelly]

Haley

I can understand , i feel miserable also. it has been 4 mos for me and since about 1 mo ago i have been so depressed and hysterical crying everyday. i am worrying about the craziest things and can't seem to think straight. i can work but i work in the evenings so when my boys leave for school i go back to bed. at least there i may dream of my mom and i don't feel the pain. i am going to start a antidepressant b/c i just can't manage. i am a mess. i am taking a minute at a time. i don't know how else to do it. this time of yr makes it so much worse. lori

[Haley]

Thanks all

I really needed to hear that I am not alone I am starting to think I should be on something but man its hard for me to even think about going to a doctor and talking about it I will break down I am so private in my life that I don't talk period I don't really trust anybody. I also Shell have snapped at people like my boss thats not to good I need my job, I also could care less if I even come to work. does anybody now of anything that might help from a natural store or am I out of luck.

Why can't we just fast forward this time of year and get on with things I am dreeding it so bad I am trying top put a memorial together for my MOM for the holidays I hope my brain will focus on that I have a picture of MOM and a card with the meaning or her name and a picture of Jesus I just need to put it all together and get things going I guess hiding in bed all day sounds better to me. The holidays are for family ok mine left me I have the most important yes my boys but you all no what I mean.

Thanks

Haley

[Maylissa]

Haley,

I know I've posted a number of times before when people have asked what's available from nature to help with grief. I just don't remember where all these posts were, but if you check my Profile, under Options on the right side of the screen, then go to the left side and click under "View Member's Posts", you can sift through them to find where all I was making suggestions. I just don't have the energy anymore to keep repeating myself. Sorry, but that's how it is right now. And most people ask but don't follow through, so I've got to start making better use of my time now. Sorry if this sounds harsh, I don't mean it that way, but I'm trying so hard to take care of myself, too, since losing Nissa. If looking up posts is too much work for you, too, then just go to the health or vitamin store and ask for suggestions there. If it's a decent store, they'll be able to guide you well.

[AnnC]

Can anyone else do Thanksgiving instead of you? It is very natural to feel so overwhelmed and exhausted that you don't want to talk to anyone and don't have energy to do much but get out of bed. Do anything you can to reduce your stress. If the holidays have to be less elaborate, so be it. Or maybe you can all go out to dinner, a lot of people do that for Thanksgiving, and it's so much less work, but the kids still get the celebration. The holidays are the hardest after a loss, and anything you can do to give yourself less stress will help.

I know the first holidays I was snapping at people at work and just sitting on the couch at home. I wasn't going to do anything for Christmas, but then I bought a wreath and put it on the wall. I went to my parents' for Christmas, so I didn't do much at all, just bought presents. See if anyone will help you or you can do something that's less work.

Ann

[Haley]

Ann

Thanks for the advice but no there is no body else that can do thanksgiving at there house and my boys really love when I cook and have the house open and we get ready for it all I am putting alot on them as it is for this that I have to try for them if nothing else I dread it so bad man I really do I have no feeling for it. thanks so much for your thoughts I have thought of it my self but my boys would be crushed over it they are all ready talking about it, I just got off the phone with my oldest one and he just mentioned it to me about it all my heart is not in it butI have to do it for them and bite my tounge huh any bosy want to put there input in on how they are going to get thru it I would love to hear about it

Thanks

Haley