Mom Died

[Sandra-T]

Hi I am new here, sadly there is a reason, of course. My Mom had a very sudden illness, that eneded far sooner than we expected, and I was with her at the time. Does anyone else have a hard time getting that image out of their head? I can't believe I watched my Mom die. She was only 76, and in good health but for arthritis, until this cancer. She went from ok to kind of bad to dead in 7 weeks. Seems impossible to me. I don't know what to do. I know there is really nothing, and I am still grieving my Grandma,(2002), and my Dad (2003) Oh, and a precious kitty this May. Enough already. I know this is selfish, but I feel kind of like I am next and it could be all of a sudden. Just cause I am now the oldest in my family. Its a creepy feeling. So many things jumbled up inside, and not knowing what to do about them. Anyone have a minute to give me ideas? I read, talk to Mom and Gram, and try to think that she is better off now than when she couldn't breathe without stress. But it is so horrible, it just seems impossible. My Mom was the heart of our family, and its like the whole thing is broken now. We are not so close, the rest of us, except me and my little granddaughters. I don't want to be the old one. I know that is a selfish thought. I still feel it.I am also feeling clumsy, unable to function quite normally. Is that a common problem? I read a few other posts and it seems it is. But how do you ever get past this? I do have a cousnelor, and already take an antidepressant, so not much else she can do for me. I am reaching out for anything anyone has to offer.

Thanks so much

Sandra

[curlyredheads]

Hi Sandra,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my mom to cancer. She died in August and I am sorry to say at this time it does not seem any easier. I too was with her when she died and those images pop back often. I had a panic attack (so to speak) the other night over it. I was so afraid that she, herself, was scared to die and that was nothing I can do to help. As for advice, take it a day at time, let the grief come when it does.

Hugs to you,

Libby

[Sandra-T]

Thanks Libby, I don't know if I am using this board right, but anyway..I am sorry for your loss, and sorry to hear it is still bothering you so much. Its a horrible thing to witness, and makes you feel so helpless, and also scared.

Sandra

[Trudy1964]

Hi Sandra,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I also lost my Mom to cancer in July. We only knew she had it for 3.5 weeks. I (along with my 5 siblings) were with her when she passed. It still doesn't seem real sometimes.

Those images popped into my head for quite sometime. They still do on sleepless nights. I can still see her knees buckling when she still wanted to get up but was too weak. She was so strong until the end.

Sometimes I still can't function. I end up in a room and don't have a clue why I'm there. Don't be too hard on your self. It justs consumes you. One day at a time. Sometimes it's one minute at a time.

Our journey is long but we are here for you.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

[KittyLove]

Hi Sandra-

Thanks for your reply below to my post. I am so sorry for everything you wrote about. Like I said with my situation, this all just sucks. Sometimes the only thing that keeps a smile on my face at work is knowing that someday I will look back and know I got through the pain.

And eating chocolate.....

I'll be sending you good thoughts.

KL

[shell]

Sandra,

Welcome to the board! I went through the same thing with my Dad. Very unexpected and sudden and took care of him at home until he died. Those images do stay with you but they will "fade" in time. I don't know when you get back to functioning normally...it's been two years almost for me and I still don't feel things are "normal". I just plug away, day at a time, and do the best I can. And don't worry about feeling like you could be next. I have thought a lot more about my own health and death since this happened. Sometimes I get scared I'm going to get sick and die, and because we all feel so crappy, it makes it seem even more possible! It's normal. So try to relax and just go with the flow and grieve as you need to. That's about all we can do, I'm afraid.

Hugs,

Shell

[Sandra-T]

I don't know what to say to all of you except thanks for understanding, and it helps to know others have the same feelings, that I thought were totally off the wall. LIke having images stuck in your head, and feeling out of it, and feeling scared about my own health. What a hard time for everyone. I know its normal to lose a parent, but it seems always too soon, and too awful.

Anyway, you all have helped me.

Sandra