Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

A Miserable Year


Recommended Posts

How can a year feel so long and so short at the same time? Yesterday was a year after Paul's death and I spent it at church, the annual pageant. So many happy families gathered together to perform and watch, fellowship dinner, it used to be the best night of the year. This morning my son, 6'1" tall, 15-years-old cried like a 5-year-old and couldn't go to school. It's just too much, pretending at this time of year for everyone else. So we are staying home today just being miserable together. I feel so bad for him to be so young and have faced so much loss already.

On top of it my grandmother died a month ago today...I had been taking care of her all summer and finally hired someone at the end of August. My grief is all so tangled up. Paul, Dorothy and now the fact that my only family is my son brings back the sorrow of losing my parents. In the last 15 years my entire family died and I'm still only in my 40s. It's unbelievable to me, whatever God's plan is I sure hope He changes course.

Last year at this time I was still in shock and so many people rallied around to keep us busy. This year it feels all too real. I just want this season to go away.

Sorry...that vent ought to last a while.

Karen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Karen, I know, its miserable right now. You said exactly how I feel, it feels like a week ago that I lost him, yet a year a passed and it doesn't seem possible at all. I also don't know how I got thru last years holidays, Larry died Nov. 16 of last year and I just went thru the motions but this year is a whole other experience. It is very real and very sad. I'm sorry you've had so much loss and I know your son must be hurting. This time of year is relentless in reminding us of what we lost while the world goes on around us celebrating and being together. Deborah

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Karen!

I too have seen my family shrink a lot over the past few years. My partner of 3 1/2 years died this October, two brothers gone too and my mother's living death of Alzheimer's. Everyone's right, the holidays are soooo painful. But one great thing that happened last night is that my partner Ernie visited me in a dream for the first time since he died. It IS comforting to have felt his presence, to know that all he was/is concerned about is my wellbeing. Because he's with God - that was SO evident in the dream (really!) He was soooooo tired at the end of his life, so I take comfort knowing that he is at rest now and that he seemed at real peace in the dream. But I am so so so so lonely, its so hard. I too feel so tired, and I struggle with the desire to just go be with him.

I wish the holidays would just be done and over. Next year I'll try harder to "get into life" again like all the people around me keep telling me I ought to do. I'm sure they're right, but right now I just keep thinking about all the Christmas pasts. I just can't keep the stiff upper lip.

I'm glad you have your son, and that you two can share your grief together. You do the right thing by being honest about your feelings and letting him take the time he needs to be at home with you instead of just stuffing it like men are so encouraged to do. I'm learning that a lot of grieving people just shut all the emotions off and grow numb inside. Ernie's kids are stuffing it real good/bad right now - with the aid of alcohol, which I understand. But its sad. I feel the temptation, and there are people near me right now who are pushing me to do that. But know its not right in the long run.

God be with you and your son. Sue

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Karen,

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time...it IS difficult, especially this time of year. Hang in there. I know it sounds terrible, but Christmas will pass...and hopefully, someday, with time, it will be more palatable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Karen,

I have thought the same thing. It feels like only yesterday he ways here with me, but I feel like I have been alone and crying for 5 years not 5 months. Time is very weird and my perspective of it is so different now. I really learned not to take anything I have for granted. You dont know what you had tell it is gone. Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...