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My Mom Died 2wks Ago From Panceratic Cancer


lindsey1984

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It's been about 2wks since my mom died. Before it happened I thought I would feel relieved because she would no longer be in pain and have no more problems breathing,it killed me to see her like that. It was so unfair, but now that she is gone I feel so empty inside. I feel so SAD! I don't even think the word SAD explains how I feel. I don't want to do anything, getting out of bed in the morning is a project for me and having to go to work is a nightmare,I stopped going to school and now I just want to sleep. I don't even know how I feel half the time.

I don't really talk to my dad or sisters about how I feel or what I am going through because they get upset too, and I can't deal with their feelings and mine it's too much so instead I keep everything inside and try to be strong and brave like my mom did when she was alive. It's like wearing a mask around everyone but then when they are gone you can take it off.

When my mom was alive and I needed to leave or go somewhere I'd always ask her do you want me to stay, or is it ok if I go out. Then she would tell me go ahead and I would ask her to promise me it's ok and your not upset, and she would give me this look and say I promise.

Well she died on a Sun Jan 21st and that following Friday night I had a dream she called me on my cell phone and we talked and she told me I will call you on Monday, and in the dream I asked her to promise, and she said I promise I will call you on Monday. So the rest of the week I got my hopes up and thinking crazy that Mommy is going to call me on Monday I really thought she was like a miracle or something would happened. Monday came around... No call I felt so ( I'm not sure) just really upset and depressed.

Now it's like I feel every emotion and everything reminds me of her, I feel so lost without my Mommy :( I just don't know what to do.

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Oh Lindsey...I feel for you. My mom died June 14, 2006, almost 8 months ago. If you go back and read my first posts, you'll see that I went through exactly what you are going through. All this means is that you are normal. You are so lucky to have gotten a dream from your Mom so soon. Think of it as a gift from her to you, even tho she wasn't able to "really" call you, she was letting you know that she's with you.

You can come to this website anytime, and write whatever you feel, and no one will judge you, and we will all try to help you through the grief. We're like one big family...that is there for you.

You're so right...it is NOT fair that our Mom's are taken from us so soon. This is what my 23 year old daughter asked me the other day..."Mom...you're going to live forever, aren't you?" Children think parents are always going to be there. I'm guilty of thinking that too, about my Mom.

So, come back and write. It will help you. It may give you one day, or one hour of peace, which is a godsend at this time in your life.

Take care,

Love to all

Kim

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Lindsey,

My deepest symapthies to you for your moms passing. Everything you are feeling is normal, so just try to go with the flow of your feelings and work through them. Unfortunately, you have to experience all these feelings and get them out to begin to heal. And, yes, please come here and post your feelings. It helps so much and we are all here for you. And try your best to take care of yourself during this rough journey.

Hugs to you,

Shell

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Hi lindsey,

I am sorry about your loss.

I lost my Mom also over a year ago, and even now there are times when I deeply miss her.

It is good that you found this site. By coming here and talking about it and sharing what you are going through and feeling you will learn to cope.

I noticed that you are young. Since you have many years ahead of you, you may want to do something to preserve her memory in concrete form. Maybe write down in a journal all the things she said and did that were unique to her. Common words of advice and even correction. (There are times I wish my Mom were around to yell at me about something!) I'm sure you have photo albums, things like that. Try scrapbooking, there's a member here named Shelley (a/k/a STARKISS) who does that a lot. She says it helps her preserve her parent's memories.

Take care, and come back often.

Paul

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Lindsey,

So sorry for your loss. My father died more than three months ago, and it's still a shock. Grieving is a process that will take time.

Most of what I wanted to say has been said. As others have pointed out, come back here anytime to talk and to express your thoughts while you are going through this painful journey.

Jeff

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