Heartbroken Afraid To Love Again

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Lately I have been feeling that I am just plain heart broken and afraid to get close to anyone else in fear of losing them too. Has anyone else felt this way and if so how did you handle this feeling... Take care Shelley

[LoriS.]

Shelly,

Sometimes I feel very distant from my own life...as if I'm a spectator sitting on the sidelines. I don't know if I can really put it into words. Other times I feel like I want to be involved in life and just live it as best as I can. I saw this doctor on our local news channel the other day and he said that the only way to self fulfilment and to have a life where there is love is to give of yourself to others and to not be so self involved. He didn't address grief but said plain and simple that that is it. He's not necessarily talking about anything big either. Just starting out with a compliment to someone else, or asking someone else how they are doing are a couple of examples. By giving of ourselves, we have given a gift to someone else and that in turn becomes our gift. Harder said than done when we are going through what we are going through!

Yeesh...I wish I would take my own advice half the time...I'm trying very hard though!

Take care...Lori

[LoriS.]

Shelly and whoever else:

Check out Martys article she's written about Finding Meaning in Your Loss. We should all print it out and carry it with us and refer back to it from timt to time.

Just thought I'd share!

Lori

[shell]

Shelley,

I feel that way too sometimes. I have a very few people who I'm close to and I worry about losing them too. So it makes me afraid to get close to anyone new. But, I think when you meet someone and something clicks and you become friends, it just happens naturally, so you will become friends whether you want to or not, kind of...if that makes any sense! Try not to shut yourself off too much, because you might be missing someone out there who could help you. I guess I've gotten to the point where I'm just leaving things up to fate....I try not to think about it all too much.

Hugs,

Shell

[LoriS.]

Shell and Shelly,

I agree with you, Shell 100%. If we close ourselves off we might be missing an opportunity to meet someone great who can be there for us as we are for them too. I try not to think about losing anyone that I know and am currently close to, whether it be a family member or a friend. It is a scary thought, but we need to leave it up to fate because we certainly don't have control over it. As Marty always says, we need to learn from this and grow. I am trying just as everyone else is. It's hard, but we can do it!

Hugs to all...Lori

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Thank you so very much for all your replies, But I must say when I am around people I just can not wait for them to leave or get away from them as fast as I can... At first it is all right but shortly I feel like I just need to be all alone again... I just do not understand it I was not like this before... Take care Shelley

[AnnC]

Also, when you are grieving, it often happens that you are so worn out by grief that you don't have the energy to be around people very much. You don't feel like socializing. This is temporary, but it might be at least part of what you're feeling. My grief counselor said to go ahead and let yourself be alone for as long as you need to (and as much as possible, since most of us have to go to work!) But I have found that I am not feeling much like socializing or meeting new friends, just occasionally hanging out with old friends, and less often even with them. I think I just don't have the energy to make new friends right now. Later, I probably will.

Ann

[shell]

Ann C has a good point. I'm so exhausted all the time, I just don't have the energy to be around people. I'm like you, Shelley, I can only tolerate it for so long and then I want to be alone again. It's perfectly logical really, so don't worry about it or think you're getting weird or something!

Hugs,

Shell

[STARKISS]

Hi Shell,

Thanks again, It really helps to know others feel the same way or are going through similar things... Take Care Shelley

[missingcharlie]

As far as not wanting to get close to anyone - this even entails animals. My husband and I had to put our "best friend" to sleep just about a year before I lost him. People would ask me all the time - Are you going to get another dog? My reply then was not now and then I lost my husband, 13 months later and now I REALLY don't want to get another dog.

I don't know how this whole loss thing will impact my future relationships. I can't, at this point, even take my wedding rings off, so it would be tough to "find" someone else...everyone probably sees my rings and assumes that I'm married. That's alright, for now, because I'm terrified of getting involved with someone else. The thought of dating, kissing, any of that scares the hell out of me. I read the thread that Marty put up about feeling guilty and I know I shouldn't, but it's something I'm having trouble with. My husband even gave me his blessings on having someone else, someday, to love - in a letter he wrote me while he was in the hospital. Told me I deserved to be happy and he hoped that I got married again someday, but I still feel like I would be betraying him....I don't know - it could take a while. I'm in NO hurry! Hopefully, someday, I can open my feelings up and let someone else into my life.

Hugs to all of you!!

Patti

[lorikelly]

Patti

I just wanted to say how wonderful that your husband wrote you a letter. it must mean so much to you. my husbands cousin died 6 ago from colon cancer. she was 40 and left behind a husband and two little boys. she planned everything she wrote her letter that she wanted read at her funeral. it was sad but it also made us laugh. she also wrote letters to her husband and to her boys. they will have one for each of there birthdays. i hope that if i become sick i will be able to have enough strength and courage to write letters to mine. thanks for sharing lori

[kayc]

I can totally relate...I have withdrawn a lot since George died...not as much at first as I have in the second year. And since remarrying, I worry a lot about losing John to death. Since George passed away, I also lost my beloved 19 year old cat, King George, and our cat Tigger decided to leave home since my husband George wasn't coming back. Loss is hard to deal with and none of us relish facing more loss. I can't explain how I feel now, but it's way different than I used to be. I am much more reclusive. I'm not sure how to handle it except to force yourself to be out of yourself more. I have to go to work and I have John that I talk to and see, but I don't see my friends much anymore and know I need to do something about that...with all of the commuting and long hours, it's hard for me to even if I wanted to. I, too, am very exhausted from grieving, depression, a long commute, and a long distance relationship (my husband and I are 3 1/3 hours away from each other). It's tough to keep going with all we've been through!

Patti,

If the time is ever right, you'll know it and feel differently. I think it's important to listen to our inner self and what is right for us, which you are doing. Hugs back!

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Thank you All, for the time you spent to read this post and for replying to it... Take care All of you and God Bless Shelley