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Fathers Day


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As Fathers Day approaches, many of us will have to remember our fathers whom have passed. It's been 4 years since my dad passed away. I wasn't as close to my dad as I was to my mom so I didn't have that horrible first year fathers day emotional craziness. But interestingly enough after being on these boards for a few months after my mom has passed away, it has brought up some feelings for me as far as my relationship with my father went. Nothing was wrong, we just never really connected on a deeper level like I did with my mom. I loved him but never felt that intense love that I felt for my mom. I have felt very guilty about this for many years, but I have realized that he did the best he could and I did the best I could regarding our relationship. So this fathers day has a different meaning for me as I want to somehow "feel closer" to my dad. I am going to plant something in my yard in his honor. He loved and took pride in his garden, so that is the least I can do to honor him.

I still feel guilty about not having that true closeness with my dad. I would love to hear any suggestions on how to accept this (as I have tried) and move on.

Happy Fathers Day to all your dads out there either still here with us or who

have passed on.

Take care...Lori

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Lori,

I have to say that growing up I had always felt closer to my mom than my dad. Maybe there were various reasons for it during my life such as when he was working, or the fact that he was the disciplinarian, his tendency to get angry as a solution to life's problems, etc. Maybe this isn't all that unusual.

As Father's Day approaches, I am growing even sadder. I think one of the reasons, other than the fact that it's going to be my first without him, is that I felt I wasn't able to have a closer relationship with him in his final years because of his depression and mental problems that was tearing the family apart. When he finally got some help, he then had his stroke and he was gone, and it saddens me he didn't get to enjoy life a little bit more after he got his medication.

At this point, I can only hope he has found peace from the demons that ravaged his mind in the last 10 years of his life.

Jeff

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I'm sorry Jeff for how it ended with you with your dad. It's too bad that he didn't get the help when he needed it so that he could enjoy his family in his later years.

I often wonder if my dad wasn't mildly depressed. He had several issues in his lifetime that would have had any one depressed. But my mom was his rock and he kept on going along because of her. I see it now. I wish I could have put all of the pieces of his life together when I was young so that I could have really understood him better and to not have taken things so personally.

Well at least I have my father-in-law and my husband to celebrate fathers day with. I will say a little prayer for my dad and your dad as well.

Take care...Lori

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I recently lost my father. the 31st of may between 11am and midday british time. He had been in hospital since 27th of april due to being violently attacked outside my home. I am 28 and my father brought me up since i was four years old when my mother died from a massive heart attack as she had had cancer for years and it had gone from the breast to her heart. She was 43 years old. she didn't know she was going to die, my father and elder sister decided to keep it from her so she could enjoy her last weeks happy.

Back to my father, he was 71 when he died, i was born late in life to both of them. He didnt live in this country (UK), he was visiting my sister, myself and the remainder of his brothers and sisters. It was about ten oclock at night, we were all asleep, dad, me and my 6 year old daughter. my fiance had gone out for the night. when i was woken to banging on my back door and someone shouting my name. the person had also been knocking at the front but i ignored it and hoped they'd go away. so i threw on some clothes and went down to see the person. i let him in and he wanted some money that i'd owed him from a few weeks before. i cannot mention names and have to be careful as the murder case is comoing up and im the prime witness. I couldn't find my hand bag anywhere and didn't want to wake dad or my daughter. earlier i had been to visit friends and thought i may have left it at one of their houses. so me and the person (who i'd always gotten along with, but didn't know he had a record and had been to jail for violence and badly injuring a person before). As we came back and couldn't find my handbag, he was about to go home or whatever when we saw his girlfriend talking to my dad at my front door. my dad went back inside and nothing was said between dad myself and the person with me. but his girlfriend started to walk off up the lane next to my house toward her car screaming obsenities at me accusing me of having an affair with her boyfriend (the man i was with). he tried telling her we were looking for my handbag but she cntinued to threaten to kill me and beat me up, but not in such words. so i made the fatal mistake of asking her to come back so we could talk it through as im in love with my fiance and she was being irrational. she ran or walked fast and grabbed my hair and started a fight. so me and her are rolling around the floor and she is screaming obsenities still. the man was telling her to leave me alone and to let go of my hair as i was innocent in all of this.

then suddenly im hit hard in the bridge of the nose with something hard. it later turns out it was a plank of wood. my poof frail father had heard the fighting and had come out in his pjs and tried to get the wood between us to stop the fight. he never meant to hurt me, he was one of the most gentle of men i have ever known. he woulnt have been trying to hurt the other girl either, i know this to be true. the woman ran off and my dad took say 3 steps after her to make sure she had gone. he had dropped the wood at this point. the man ran after his girlfriend. my father was bent over me saying,"my babe, im so sorry, i didnt mean to hurt you". the next thing the man was back pulling my dad away from me an started to beat him so bad i cannot even begin to discribe it. the man was a boxer and aged 23 so you can begin to imagine. i tried twice to get between them as forensic evidence proves. i was screaming so loud " leave him, hes my dad, hes old, please. please". i dont know how long it went on for, maybe 2 minutes, probably less. my dad was begging him to stop too. i will never in my life forget what i saw that night and what brutality and evil surrounds us. mt father suffered a brain hemmoridge thet night then another 2 days later and also a stroke. they said in the hospital that he, if he survuved wouldnt be the same again. i have to go now as the tears are blurring my vision. thank you so very much for listening. no one seems to understand me at the moment. p.s. the have the guy in custody within 10 hours of it happening. he is remanded in custody untill the trial. i just wish life imprisonment was 25 years like in the US. its only 15 in the UK. love to you all who are grieving, izzy

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Hi, everybody:

My thoughts and prayers are with everybody who are remembering their Dads right now, with Father's Day coming up and all. I know some of us have great memories of our fathers and some of us have memories that aren't the greatest. Reagardless, they're on our minds and hearts. It will be a year on the 18th for my Dad.

I had a big grief burst today. I went to the nursing home to see my Mom and they are preparing for Father's Day festivities there. They are having breakfast out on the front porch of the nursing home tomorrow morning fo all the Dads; I'm so glad they're doing this. However, I was hurting....I wanted my Dad to be here so badly at that moment and I felt like an outsider looking in. As my brother said, it's "one more hump to get over." I bought a Father's Day card the other day and took it out to the cemetery for my Dad. While I was standing there looking at all the beautiful cards, I started to cry again. It just hurts so much that he's not here.....

Hugs to all,

Leann

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Dear Leann, The nursing home story had me in tears. My dad was in a nursing home for a year and a half and they would have all the traditional parties for every occasion as well. Things get sad on these holidays to honor our parents, especially when they aren't around to celebrate with us don't they? I have my father in law to celebrate with and he is still in relatively good health and is so much fun to be with. So I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow.

Good luck on this, your first fathers day without your dad...I know he is watching over you and your Mom!

Take care...Lori

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Hi, Lori:

Thanks so much for your kind words of support....I know you're Dad is watching over you as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you celebrate with your father-in-law.

Love,

Leann

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Hello everyone,

My mom and I decided to have a quiet, low key day. We visited the cemetary in the morning to avoid the 90+ degree heat later in the day. Even though it's coming up 8 months, it's still like everything happened yesterday.

I helped my mom rearrange some of the house again, and then we had a quiet dinner. I know that a part of me inside didn't want to help her with the rearranging of the house, but another part of me realized that it's not like we were throwing things out.

Anyway, that was really it and at least I made it through. Everyone around told me (and they were right) that the first one's always tough. Whether the second and later ones will be any easier remains to be seen, but at least this is a small step in moving forward in my life. I hope once in a while he'll check up on us from up there.

Jeff

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I'm happy for you, Jeff. My day was fine, too. I planted some flowers in the backyard...something my dad loved to do. I was kind of sad when I was doing it. Sad that we weren't closer when I was growing up and sad that when I was an adult I never felt any different until he became ill in the last 3 years of his life. We never really had too much to say to each other. He was pretty quiet and I think slightly depressed. He had a hard upbringing in the 1920s and 1930s, than off to World War 2 flying missions from England to Germany. So I'm sure he had many issues to deal with.

When we were cleaning out my moms apartment after she died last year, I came across some old love letters that he wrote to her during the war. They were very sweet and tender and his writing was very intelligent. I never saw that side to him. During my childhood he owned an old family bar (he never drank...it was him and his brothers that was passed down from their parents) and was held up and shot near the heart. He was never the same after that. I was 10. He recovered, but I remember it being a long road. Than he worked in real estate and insurance, but nothing really came of that, than he finally retired. It was than that I saw a glimmer in his eyes, but I was already an adult with small kids living far away from him and my mom. They would always come to see me every winter. They loved my kids, especially when they were small and that was very helpful to me.

Thanks whoever is reading this...I just had to vent. I hope everyone had a good fathers day!

Take care...Lori

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