Been Away From Here But...

[pebbles]

I am back! Hi everyone...first, Shell I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have only posted a few times but she has always "been there".

It's been almost 2 months since my Dad died...and honestly I feel like I am not doing something right. Its hard to explain...I go day to day and dont feel sad, angry or anything. Sometimes I cry but the only thing I can figure out is that I have been used to not seeing my Mom and Dad every day for 5 years...they have lived in Arizona and I am still in the Midwest. So the fact that my Dad isnt here anymore has not really sunk in. Does that make any sense? I am having a hard time the last 2 days tho, as this is the first Fathers Day without him and I miss him terribly. I find myself envious of others who still have their Dad..its a feeling I hate. I am going to see my Mom and sister next month and that is the first visit to Arizona that my Dad is not going to be there and I think that will be the "wake up" that I need. I am so excited to see them and spend some time together but I am nervous too.

Thanks for letting me vent...prayers to everyone!

[LoriS.]

Hi Pebbles...welcome back. It's so hard...isn't it? Trying to figure out our feelings and why we feel things and don't feel things...it's too much sometimes! I hope your trip to Arizona will be helpful for you.

Take care...Lori

[lorikelly]

Welcome back!!!!! lori

[Leann]

Hi, Pebbles:

I'm so glad to see your posts....everybody here understands. Do what you feel is best for you. I've been off the boards myself for a while; felt like I needed a breather, but it's so good to be back.

This is my first Father's Day without my Dad, so I truly understand what you're saying about feeling envious of folks who still have their Dad. I experienced something similar yesterday. The nursing home where my Mom is at is having a breakfast for all the Fathers this morning, so they were busy getting ready for that. I felt so hurt at that moment; it felt like someone had stuck a knife in my heart.....very similar feelings I felt when he passed away last year. Some anger even rose to the surface as well. It just doesn't seem fair, does it?

Will be thinking of you as you travel west. My prayer is that you, your Mom, and the rest of your family will draw comfort and strength from each other.

Love,

Leann

[shell]

Hi Pebbles,

Thank you. And I am glad you're back too. I was gone for awhile and missed it terribly. I think you're right, that when you don't see someone everyday it is harder for the reality of their death to sink in. I felt that way about my Uncle. I hope your trip is comforting and will help you "move on".

Hugs,

Shell