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Still Can't Believe This Has Happened


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My David's been gone 14 weeks now and it still doesn't seem possible that this horrible thing has happened. One morning the Dr. says he's doing wonderfully well after his routine leg surgery. Twelve hours later He's dead. No one can explain what happened. I see his truck in the driveway when I drive home from work and for a brief moment I feel that feeling of anticipation-David's home- or the phone will ring and I think "That's David calling to give me my hug" or at night I absent mindedly reach over to his side of the bed expecting to feel him there. Of course each of these brief moments is followed by that punch-in-the-gut realization that he's not here. It seems like my mind is playing cruel games with my heart.I miss him so much. I used to wonder why it was called "a broken heart" now I know how real the pain is.

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I am sorry for your loss. It does take a long time to accept it happened, especially when it's so sudden. After some time these feelings of his presence and the anticipation of his call won't be so painful adn maybe you'll be grateful for them.

I know you probably don't care about the details, why he died, but my advice is that you ask for them. Because at some point maybe you will want to know and you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what happened, who was to blame (if anybody) and if it could have been prevented.

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Jan,

What you are experiencing is something we have all been through...it takes a while for it to sink in that they're really gone. It is hard to get with with all the shocks, but eventually you will remember. I remember how I felt seeing someone built like George and for a second I thought it was him, or answering the phone and expecting to hear his voice. I am sorry, it is really painful, but it will get better eventually.

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Jan, We know what you are going through. Its happened to most of on this site. When Larry was in the hospital (which in the last year was alot) he would call all the time to talk. He was my best friend. The first few months after his death, when I would go to take a bath or go outside, I would instinctively grab the phone just in case he called. It hurts so bad when you get the realization that they are gone. I'm so sorry for your loss, its very hard but hang in there, we are here to help by listening and sharing. Deborah

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Thank you Spela, I do want to know the details, because I feel that if the Dr. had paid attention to what the nurses were reporting, something could have been done. The autopsy results were inconclusive, they couldn't find anything that was causing all the internal bleeding that he was vomiting and eventually aspirated on. I was advised to contact a lawyer who has a specialist he consults with. They are "looking into it". The Dr. has been avoiding me. It shouldn't have happened. I think that is one of the reasons I'm having so much trouble accepting it. Jan

Thank you kayc for your words and thoughts. I'm cancelling my cell phone and keeping David's just so I can hear his voice. Don't know if that is a "healthy" move but listening to him every now and then has been a comfort on really rough days. Jan

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IM so sorry for your loss I can not be of any support byt just let you know that Im a broken heart also I lost my husbant sudenly HE entered the hospital for exams and before the tests were out He died of cancer within 10 days .It is cruel and I know how you feel numb with no answer.It is a great help this site .Alot of people that sufer the same pain and are more advanced with there grief are helping.TENY

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Jan,

It's "healthy" if it brings you comfort. I wish I'd thought of saving my answering machine tape, but it got recorded over before I realized what was happening, and I didn't know his messages would automatically disappear from my cell phone if I didn't erase them, I wish I had something with his voice on it.

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Thank you for your thoughts, Teny. I've been following some of your postings and I am so sorry for your loss. I am so thankful I found this site. I have wonderful friends who have gone out of their way to try to help, but they just cannot understand what is going on with me right now. It's so helpful talking with people who are going through the same thing. Jan

Thank you. I never thought about the need to save voice messages before. Now that I see how precious the message - "Hi, this is Dave. Sorry you missed me. Leave a message and I will get back to you just as soon as I can" - has become, I have decided that for Christmas this year I am going to buy those small hand-held message machines for all four of our children and record a personal message of love for each one of them. Jan

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