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One Year Later...thank You To Everyone


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Hi Everyone,

It'll be one year on the 22nd that my mom is gone. I can't believe it. She passed away on a Sunday, so for me today, it's like the day before she died one year later. I remember it perfectly. If I could only physically see her and touch her arm and hold her hand again. Today (last year) it was a hard day. But she had a lot of visitors which was great to see how many people loved her and how many will miss her. And tomorrow at 5:30 am she passed on. I watched as the color drained up and away from her face. The next few days were, well you know, extermely difficult, than the weeks after that as the depression set in and the extreme longing to be with her again.

Than I came upon this website and because of all of you, I started to heal. It has been a very long road and at times has been so difficult. But I am making it through. This is a tough weekend, though,since I picture in my mind all the details of her last couple of days. I can't forget how she kept getting smaller and smaller in her bed. I know it's just the natural process, but it was very strange watching my mom fade away before my eyes.

On a more uplifting note, my daughter got married 2 weeks ago and it was an amazing day. I know my parents were there watching over all of us! There were so many signs!

So I just wanted to thank all of you who have been there for me. I have appreciated it more than you know!

Love and hugs...Lori

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Lori,

I know how hard the next few days will be for you. I go through times when I start thinking of all the details too and it is horrible. But I have seen your progress and I know you are going to be fine.

So, the wedding is over and everything went well! Now you can relax a little...hahaha! I'm so glad you felt your parents spirits with you. That must have made it even more special. I'll bet your daughter was a beautiful bride!

Hugs,

Shell

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Thanks Shell! Yes, my daughter was a beautiful bride and things went really well. I really did miss my parents being there, but it didn't prevent me from having a great time and being completely in the moments of joy that you are supposed to feel at your daughters wedding. I'm so happy about that. There were a few times during the lead up to the wedding that conversations about my mom came up and I got very emotional. But what really got me emotional was my daughter getting married! It was an amazing day. The place she got married was absolutely beautiful and the ceremony was outside with beautiful mountains and huge cactus all around (in Tucson). There was a feeling in the air that my parents were there with all of us and watching!

Hugs to you...Lori

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Lori,

How beautiful. You said you were able to be in the moment and that's something I've been striving for. I've been reading a book called "Awakening the Buddah Within" and find it very peaceful to read. One of the things they stress is "living in the moment" and I'm practicing. I think it's a good way to live, if one can fully achieve it! I'm not sure I'll ever achieve it totally (I'm too much of a worrier and a "what if-er") but I'm working on it. I'm so glad you could achieve that at your daughters wedding!

Hugs,

Shell

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Lori

Just want you to know that i have been thinking about you. i know it is so hard for us to look back and see how our moms disappeared in front of our eyes. i think about my mom and still can't believe it. the dying process is awful!! i hope that today will bring you better memories of your mom . if you can send pictures of your daughters wedding. i am praying for you. lori

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Shell: I want to get that book! I am really trying to live like that. It does take practice and I think that it is a practice that will take effort for the rest of our lives! I have a friend who is a life coach and is so fabulous and calming and has taught me so much. She has a website and she writes various articles on her website that maybe you...and anybody else... would find interesting. Her website is: www.momentconnections.com

Lorikelly: You have always been so sweet and caring. Thank you so much for thinking of me and praying for me. Yes today...one year to the date later...it's so sad. I picture the details of the last few days of her life and it's heartbreaking. I'm getting teary just thinking about it. I think I'm going to buy flowers...her favorite peach colored tea roses...in honor of her so I can look at them and remember her how she was before she became ill. I will send wedding pictures when I get them!

I ask everyone for a prayer today in honor of my mom. Also I am kind of close to one of the fires here in California. We don't have to evacuate yet and the winds have died down, but you can see a glow of orange above the hills near my home. A little extra prayer would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks...Lori

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Shell, you said, I've been reading a book called "Awakening the Buddha Within" and find it very peaceful to read. One of the things they stress is "living in the moment" and I'm practicing.

I haven't read that one, but I have read another book by the same author, Lama Surya Das, that you and Lori may really like also: Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be: Lessons on Change, Loss, and Spiritual Transformation. Since you're drawn to the Buddhist notion of "living in the moment," you might also like Sameet Kumar's Grieving Mindfully: A Compassionate and Spiritual Guide to Coping with Loss.

Lori, dear, please know that we're all mindful that today is the first anniversary of your mother's death, and we are thinking of you. Certainly we are hoping that the fires in California will abate soon, as we pray for your safety and that of all your fellow residents.

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Thanks Marty. We did have to evacuate today. We spent the day with my in-laws. We're home now, and as we were driving home we saw so may fires in the distance. They're blowing away from my house, but the wind can change at any time. I just don't want to evacuate again.

Today was a hard day. I wanted to by roses in honor of my mom, but couldn't because we had to leave this morning. So my neice back east went to buy some and went to the cemetary to put them on my moms grave. That really meant a lot to me. I'll buy the roses tomorrow.

Take care...Lori

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Marty,

Thanks for the additional book suggestions. I'll look into them. I had a friend who was a Buddist and he was so calm and peaceful. I read a passage from "Awakening the Buddha Within" and decided to check it out. There is a lot of their way of thinking I really like.

Hugs,

Shell

Lori,

I just called a friend today who lives in California and they hadn't had to evacuate yet. Sorry you had to, and hope you can stay put and safe and the whole situation calms down! We'll be thinking of you a lot. Keep us posted.

Hugs,

Shell

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Lorikelly, we're fine now. We were able to come home later the same night (Monday). Thank goodness the wind has taken another direction where I live. Other areas aren't so lucky unfortunately. Really sad. I live in Santa Clarita. I don't know how it's broadcast anywhere else, but it's the Buckweed fire that was about a mile from my house. There were people in Canyon Country that lost their homes...about a 10 minute drive from me. And Castaic and Stevenson Ranch are about 15 minutes from me. Very scary. It's not smoky outside right now, but still smells terrible. It's all over the news. Southern California is seriously on fire. I too pray for everyone in the areas of the most concern right now.

Thanks for your concern.

Take care...Lori

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