Not Sleeping

[Deb]

I can't seem to get to sleep until after 3:00. I am tired all day, but I don't seem to be tired enough when everyone else is going to bed. I was having problems before, but now it is a LOT worse. Benedryl makes me sleepy but it had not helped at all.

How long should I let this go on before being concerned?

[karenb]

Hi Deb....Well, you can't get to sleep until three and I always wake up at three. I think mine is my age but maybe you need to take a look at what you're doing before you try to go to sleep. What you're eating in the evenings, what you're doing. I don't really know and maybe it's just that your mind is so active. And probably it's just another one of those "grief" things we go through.

Your friend, Karen

[dpodesta]

Deb,

I don't know how long it has been for you, but I remember going through that in the begining as well. It would be 1:00 or 2:00 before I would finally be able to fall asleep and then it would be hard for me to function during the day at work. On the weekends I would sleep until 10:00 or 11:00 depending how long until my son would wake me up wanting breakfast. What I had to do was get a prescription sleeping pill, that was the only way I was able to get to sleep at a decent hour. After awhile I was able to stop taking them. Only you can be the gauge of when to be concerned. I would say if it starts to be a danger to you, like you can't stay awake while driving then I would seek medical attention. The other thing you can try is an over the counter sleep aid. There is one brand that I like called "Simply Sleep". Even at 1 1/2 years there are still nights where I can't fall asleep and so I will take those. I hope this helps

Love always

Derek

[DesertBob]

Deb,

Cheap experiment: get 500mg GABA tablets from the health food store. Pop one at bedtime and see if it doesn't help. You could probably double that if one doesn't cut it. You can also try Melatonin. GABA is a down-regulating neurotransmitter that may be chronically low when you are stressed. Melatonin is a hormone that is supposed to spike at bedtime, and if it doesn't, sleep is harder to come by. That too can be messed up by stress or depression. One caution on the Melatonin -- too much can hang you over so start small and work up. Some people get the hangover before they get to the sleep benefit, but some people are REALLY helped to restful sleep by the stuff.

Go to sleep at the same time every night. Do things before bedtime that relax you.

If simple stuff like this doesn't help you could consider getting a scrip for sleep meds, but I hate to see people taking sleeping pills as a long term strategy if something more natural will do the job.

--Bob

[Maylissa]

Deb,

It appears Bob thinks the way I do. I'd just written something about natural sleep aids, here. You might take a look.

[MartyT]

These are some of the methods recommended by accredited sleep centers, as listed in my book, Finding Your Way through Grief: A Guide for the First Year:

Cut back on your caffeine and nicotine intake several hours before going to sleep.

Exercise regularly (for 20 minutes at least, three times a week).

Avoid self medicating and alcohol which can offer only temporary escape; have serious side effects; affect motor coordination and mental acuity; may lead to dependency; magnify feelings of depression; and disrupt patterns of sleep.

Use sleeping aids only as prescribed by your doctor, and only as a temporary way to break the cycle of sleeplessness.

Condition yourself to fall asleep to guided imagery, using pre-recorded audio programs with soothing music and voice tones. [These are available from your local library, or for purchase online or from your local bookstore. Three I've used myself and highly recommend: Sleep through Insomnia: Meditations to Quiet the Mind & Still the Body, by KRS Edstrom, ISBN 1886198187, www.AskKRS.com; Sleep Better, Sounds True, Inc., Boulder, CO 80306, 800-333-9185; and A Meditation to Help You with Healthful Sleep, by Belleruth Naparstek, ISBN 188140532X, www.healthjourneys.com, 800-800-8661. See also Belleruth's article, Help with Insomnia.]

Avoid going to bed hungry, or after a heavy meal late in the evening.

Drink a cup of warm milk or water at bedtime (plain milk is a natural sedative).

Separate yourself from the stresses, worries and distractions of the day (yesterday, today or tomorrow). Wind down by reading, or taking a relaxing bath or warm shower before bed.

If your spouse is the one who died, sleep on your spouse’s side of the bed; it’s easier if your own side is empty.

Put on a night light, but keep your bedroom as cool, quiet, and as dark as possible.

Maintain a consistent sleep-wake cycle. Stick to a regular routine; retire and get up at the same time each day, even on weekends.

Avoid naps lasting longer than 30 minutes, especially after 3:00 p.m.

Establish a bedtime ritual. Cue your body to slow down and relax by preparing for bed the same way each night, and go to bed when you are sleepy.

Follow a deep relaxation routine; perform deep breathing exercises in bed.

Listen to music that soothes your soul and decreases tension. [Author Elizabeth Harper Neeld offers some wonderful music suggestions here.]

Visualize being in your most favorite and pleasant place.

Associate your bed only with relaxing, sleeping and sexual pleasure – don’t use it for other activities that can initiate or stimulate worries and concerns.

[Deb]

Thank you all for the help.

I think it is time for a new Dr. because I did go speak with him about my lack of sleep before this all happened. He lectured me on how not everyone "needs" 8 hours of sleep.

[DesertBob]

You're right, that doctor is a dim-wit.

It's true that not everyone needs 8 hours of sleep. Eight hours is an average. But everyone does need enough sleep to feel rested and refreshed.

If you sleep for 12 hours and still don't feel rested and refreshed, you likely have physical or emotional problems, or both, that need to be addressed.

If you sleep for 4 hours and still don't feel rested and refreshed, though, well duh -- more sleep would be the first thing to look at.

The ignorant tend to sleep the sleep of the just. I'll bet your doc has never had a significant sleep problem in his life. It also is his way of telling you, "I don't have a clue here so I'm going to blame the victim". Works every time.

Leave your doctor in his ignorance and find someone who can actually do diagnostic work.

And now for a little sleep humor: "I sleep like a baby: I wake up every hour and cry!"

--Bob

[dpodesta]

I agree, it is time to find another doctor. The firrst time I had problems with sleeping the doctor prescribed Ambien for me. After about 2 months and a sleep study they decided to put me on Trazodone which is a mild anti-depressant and they took me off of the ambien. They didn't want to leave me on the ambien long term where as the Trazodone had less reprocutions. A good doctor will look at all alternatives and will listen to you rather than brush it off and say what yours did. Especially if the doctor knew about your husband's death, that should ahve told him that you would need something short term to get you through this.

Love

Derek

[Deb]

Oh this was before I lost my Grandfather. Basically my Dr. told me that some people just needed less sleep then looked at my chart and decided that I needed a cholesterol check.

I have to be very careful at work now I don't know if it is just lack of sleep, or just coping, or both, but I really mega cranky with everyone. I have to make an effort to be polite, I really hope this really stops soon.

[dpodesta]

The grouchyness can be a combination of both. You will have some anger over your loss which for me I took out on other people and the the lack of sleep on top of it just adds fuel to the fire. It is very difficult to maintian composure on top of everything else that you are feeling right now. It will get better, I just now started getting better and letting go of the anger and it had been 1 1/2 years for me. Do't use my time frame as a guage, some will get through this faster some slower just take your time. And find a doctor that will listen to you.

Love always

Derek