Is This Anger Normal?

[Art]

I have come to be so angry at anything and everyone that I just can't stand myself. I yell at people for things that normally would not bother me. I am so unhappy and lonely. And when someone I know tries to help I just get angry with them because everything in their life seems so well and happy. They are enjoying the holidays and don't really seem to care that I am miserable. I cannot be happy just for the sake of not ruining it for others. It makes me so angry to feel all these things. I would much rather be enjoying this time of year. Is there anything that can ease this pain and anger?

[karenb]

Oh, Art....I'm sorry the holiday is hitting you this hard. It's difficult to say that something will help, we're all so different. I don't think any of us are very anxious about all this. I will have my son here for a few days, we'll go over to someone else's house for dinner. I just have a little tabletop tree with no lights, but I have to make it okay for my son. I don't feel angry about anything - just sad that Jack can't be with me - just plain sad.

I don't know what to say except to just be polite and maybe try to do something (maybe not Christmasy) but something for someone else. Walking helps, exercise helps, and you do need to eat right to stay healthy....basics, huh? People who aren't going through this don't quite understand what it's all about....I don't think they want to hurt you. I'm sure you wouldn't want them to act angry around you. Just try to hang in there, what you're feeling is very understandable. You'll most likely see that in other posts, as well.

Your friend, Karen

[WendyJ]

Art,

I think you are just hurting so much and you are lashing out at who ever comes along. I think you need to talk to your doctor and maybe he can prescribe something to help you with this. I know it is probably not what you want to hear but if you can't contol this, before you alienate yourself from everyone maybe you should look into this. I tend to make it seem to people that everything is fine, hate people feeling sorry for me, but it isn't fine, it is horrible and I hate this and I hate the rest of the world for being happy. But you know at one time we were happy and other people out there were suffering a loss and we didn't know it either. Please talk to your doctor and see what he says.

Wendy

[LarrysGirl]

Art, I pretty much feel just like you right now. I'm angry that I have this life and not the one I miss so much. Everyone else is eargerly preparing for Christmas because their life has not come to a screeching halt. Its hard not to feel resentful. I have to say, I've run out of patience with people telling me to get on with things, try harder, etc. Let them be in my place for a moment then they would understand. But for now, they don't, but it doesn't make it feel any better. Just so you know, I understand, and its not easy particularly during the holiday season. Deborah

[Criskz]

Art,

I know what you are talking about. I also find myself getting angry very easily...it also worries me because I'm trying really really hard not to become a bitter person, but it's so hard I'm so jealous of everybody I see in the street with their love one, or women I see with their babies. I will always regret not having had a baby the minute I got married.

Anyway I keep trying to remind myself of what a happy person my husband was or should I say is because I still do feel his presence everyday and I know we are and will always be connected to each other

[teny]

ART Hellow from far away.I just can understand the feeling but I do know it does not help.Bitter angry hurt jealous desparate are my every day feelings .We have totry not to compare our lifes with other people because there is no end at it.Yesterday I was at my sons home his inlaws are my age have each other decorated their home go to partys and have fun and I could not help myself having bitter thoughts and this hudge WHY.Why me why you Art why all of us here? Holidays are hard and my wishes to all of you that it will hurt less next year. TENY

[KathyG]

Art,

You're angry because you're in pain; totally understandable. But people would not be trying to help you if they didn't care and want to ease your misery. Allow them to enjoy and appreciate the happiness in their lives while they have it, because happiness can end in an instant. Don't envy their happiness, because you will know happiness again someday yourself.

This will be my first Christmas without my husband; he passed the day before Thanksgiving. It's going to be tough to get through the holiday and it's already tough. I'm going to use the following strategies to cope - maybe some of them might work for you too.

1. This year, trying to observe all the usual traditions you've always followed for the holidays might be too much. Keep the traditions that really matter to you, but let the others go. You can always pick them up again next year if you feel like it.

2. Try some new activities you've never done before, or take a different approach to other activities. Look for things directed to others. For example, my husband and I always used to buy a few gifts for the angel tree programs at the malls. This year, I'm also volunteering to help distribute the gifts. Another example: if you always went to the same friends' or relatives' house for holiday dinner in the past, you could turn things around and have them over for a meal as a "thank you" for dinners past.

3. Write a letter to the person you're grieving for. Write about what he or she meant to you and about all the good things and blessings you shared over past holidays; those good times can never leave you as long as you remember them. Also write about how not having the person here THIS holiday changes things for you (you need to vent, too).

[kayc]

Kathy,

I want to tell you how sorry I am that you have lost your husband. You sound like a very thoughtful person and I wish you the best in your grief journey. There will be times you do well and times you don't, but please remember that we are here for you in all that you go through.

Art,

As it was already stated, it might help for you to talk with your doctor about what you're feeling, many of us have gotten help from our doctors that has taken the edge off and made things more copeable. Kathy offered some very good suggestions, I'm quite surprised, someone who is so new at this, but very insightful...sometimes just getting out of ourselves and focusing on others helps. As Karen suggested too, sometimes just going for a walk will help relieve some of the stress. Yes, anger is a stage we go through and very understandable, but it is not a place we want to stay in for long, we don't want to hurt others or make ourselves bitter people, but nonetheless, anger is very much a part of grieving. For me it has been helpful to get it out, to express it, through art, through writing, ways that can't hurt someone else. Let us know how you are doing, we keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

KayC