KathyG Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 Yesterday my employer held a holiday gathering for everyone in the Phoenix office. They had a delicious hot and cold buffet with desserts and drinks including beer and wine. They also brought in professional casino dealers so we could play poker, blackjack or craps for points good toward prizes.I wasn't going to attend at all, but some of my coworkers persuaded me to "just come for the lunch." So I went. I even played a few hands of blackjack, but I didn't stay long after the meal was over. As I was walking out to my car, a big tidal wave of sadness and emptiness hit me: I felt like nothing was worth anything. I'm not sure why the party kicked this off, because there wasn't anything there that specifically reminded me of Bill. But I had to sit in the car and let myself cry for awhile before I felt ready to drive home. Ever since, last night and this morning, I've been crying. The sadness and emptiness won't leave no matter how hard I try to push it away.The closer it gets to Christmas, the harder it's getting. I thought I was doing something positive toward healing by attending the party. But it unleashed so much that now I'm sorry I went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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