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Hellow my friends .I know its hard for all of you .Reading some of todays posts I found out that most of you made it throuh this days because of faith.I realy need to have it but I just douht justice and faith and all I respect is GODS power over us If that power is ruling us how cn we escape our destiny ? How can I not be afraid of the coming days alone/? Having not faith I have no were to ask for help.Some days Im so desperate looking at myself with no life to hope and pain is geting stronger.A year before in the begining of this jurney I had some hope that time heals today I feel that time makes the wound deeper.THank you for beeing here for me.TENY

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Hi Teny, I hadn't posted yet during Christmas for fear of depressing those who were making it thru okay. But I'm feeling like you, my faith has not recovered since losing Larry (2 yrs.). I was hoping by now to have found it again but not yet. And as for time, it has been only a reminder that Larry has been gone 2 years, an unbelievable passage of time to me.

My one moment of peace during this holiday was at the cemetary on Christmas eve. It was sunset and candles illuminated the grounds and there in the quiet remembering Larry, for a moment in time, I felt calm, yes very sad, but for a brief time not toturted. I wonder what that says about my life now, that the only place I felt I belonged, was there with him.

I wish you peace, strength and the courage to make it thru Teny, Deborah

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Deborah,

I am glad you had that moment of peace on Christmas eve...know that there are more moments like that to come. What I have found, and I know that the length of time it takes to come to this is going to be different for everyone, is that before I had George with me physically in my everyday life...then when death struck it was with great shock and disarray, it reordered everything about my life and my very existence. With time, however, I learned to carry him with me in my heart, like a peaceful assurance, that he is always there, I can always turn to him, talk to him (okay so the rest of the world would think I was crazy, who cares?) and I feel he assures me and is cheering me on. I know his life is better, even without me physically there, something he could not have fathomed before, but God is with him and who could be better for him than that? His struggles are over, he is at rest at last, and he can see what I cannot, and it is for that reason he is able to bring reassurance to me when I am left here in the struggles and aloneness that have become my life. I find brief respite with my new husband, but it is not the same, and he is not here in my everyday life so that makes it harder. Even if he were, you never forget, and there will always be that George shaped vacuum inside of my heart, that is the place in my heart that he carved out for himself, the place that will never change no matter how much time goes by and no matter what changes occur in my life.

Teny,

Faith begins with a reaching out, an asking for it, it is as simple as that. I know that all of our faith/s took a nosedive when we had this upheaval occur to us. But faith can return and even with a "more so". I pray you will receive the faith and hope you search for and need this year.

I love you,

KayC

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Teny,

I have thought about you so often during the holidays. I am struggling with my faith right now too. It's so wonderful to read the posts here , where people talk about the strength they get from their faith, church, prayers..etc. I am not there.And I am not sure how to get there. I just try to get thru each day...lately that is just so hard to do. Hopefully, some day I will wake up and I will remember where I left my faith. I wish you a peaceful night.

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