New Year

[lyn]

I know We are all having a hard time now with the new year approaching. But I have hope that things will get better next year. I want to forget this year, I want to leave the pain..the hurtings. So many things have happened, I stumbled not once but several times. Have made mistakes that i deeply regret, hoping not to do it again.

I had my shares of accomplishments, but they all mean nothing without the man I love so much. I want to start a new life. I wonder where to get the strength? Yes, I have to keep the faith. This is all i have..faith and hope for the future. And I take courage to face this life.

6 months had passed since his death. We were so happy back then, only looking forward to our marriage and a life of togetherness. We were so excited planning for our future, our kids, our home. It was so perfect, I couldnt ask for more..we love each other so much. But all that changed in one day, he was taken away from me so sudden..

One thing I am grateful of is that he knows how much I love him. It is too painful for me, I have waited for him all my life, I love him more than words can say. Is there still hope for the future? is there still a reason to live this life? I have often asked myself this question during my early months.

And everytime, I felt like giving up, I remember his words, how he often encouraged me not to give up, not to dwell on the past but to live the present. He is my strength, and his love will carry me through the coming days, the coming year ahead. Healing is slow, but I know I am beginning to heal. He wants me to live life again.

I wish each one of us peace and healing. I want to thank all of you for being here for me for the past 6 months..for listening, for crying with me, for sharing my pain. I wouldnt have come this far without you. I have loved, have learned, have grieved..and will continue loving, learning, and living this life the best I could until such time that I will be with him again.

[lorikelly]

Thank you for helping alot of people here. Your husband sounds like he was a wonderful man. I also hope that this new year brings us all peace, happiness and strength to continue on this journey. lori

[DoubleJo]

Lyn: Every time something is "new" we are reminded we no longer have "the old." Yes, the new year is a big big reminder of how many "old" things are missimg from our lives. Eventually the new becomes old too. The once new reminders of my first husband are now old; the reminder of my second husband is still new, but I know from experience (unfortunatly) that this too will eventually become older, then old. Tinges of sadness are sparked for my first, but the actualization of the awful reality of my second is still fresh and painful. I remind myself I was lucky to have him for a short while rather than be sad he is now gone, for I may not have had him at all.

Your deep anguish is the hard throbbing of reality hitting you in all your sensative places; mind, heart and inner soul. Our tears this new years' will be full and flooding but there is no other way for us to bear this. The next new year will fill with new hope and promise. This one has to take the brunt of our pain, the feeling of loss. But truly, Lyn, when this year passes it will become the old year, with all that the word old entails.

We are lucky/blessed that our men left us with wise words and their strengths.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. DoubleJo

[lyn]

Thank you Lori, he is the most wonderful man I've ever met and I am proud of him.

DoubleJo,

You are an epitome of wisdom and strength and I admire you for this. Cant helping crying as I read your words, you hit it right again, you can see through my emotions. Am trying to be strong but the truth deeply hurts. He is really gone, and I still couldnt accept it. The pain is fresh and it is a reminder of how much i love him.

I am grateful that I have known him, that we have loved each other, and was given that opportunity to love that way though short it is.

We will get through this, and yes, we are lucky that our loved ones left us with memories and wise words.

Thank you for being here.

[kayc]

I got a fortune cookie over a year ago and it said "Yesterday's ending marks today's beginning". That spoke to me so much I kept it and found comfort in it. We once shared life with someone that meant the world to us...but before they entered our life, we had no knowledge of them or their existence other than to hope to one day meet them. Today we are left with our lives in a clean slate that needs something formed something built, and it is up to us to do something with it. We have memories of someone wonderful that will continue to be ours the rest of our lives. But we have time to fill, and it's good to give thought as to how we want to do that. Someone on this site mentioned volunteering in a meaningful way. Others find great enjoyment with their pets. Some enjoy hobbies or work. With some, it is their grandchildren that sustain them. But it's up to us to find something that lends meaning and once again, enjoyment, to our lives. In the beginning, the wounds are too fresh to even consider that...but with time, it is something to ponder.

[lyn]

Hi Kay, thanks for the meaningful insight. His life does not end when he died, his life continues with me and to the many people he has helped. He changed me, has showned me what life and love is. I still find it amazing how he came into my life. There is a purpose and a reason for everything. For now, I am contented with the memories I have with him, the memories that continue to inspire me to live life the best way I can.

[kayc]

Lyn,

I quoted the fortune cookie, and didn't mean it to mean he ended, but rather life as you knew it.