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[Linda W]

This is very difficult to do. I have visited this site before recently when my friend in America told me about it after she heard the news about Steven and his best friend Eddie. I wanted to say so much but because it is very painful to think about I decided not to. Today must be the right day to tell someone. Steven & Eddie died in a car accident on the 27th of September 2007, seconds from home, Steven was 22 years old and Eddie was 23. We still havent had the inquest yet, we have to wait until February to find out if possible the cause of the accident. When we got the dreaded knock on the door to tell us our son had been in an accident, they asked what sort of car he had, did he have a friend called Eddie, nothing was going in, time was wasting and I just wanted to get to the hospital, that is when they said I didnt have to go because they had died. I still had this great need to be with my son, but again I was told no. Then they told us that the car had set on fire and they couldnt get them out. Our world just imploded and I havent rested since. Both sets of parents had to endure DNA test to confirm their identities. So we have been deprived of saying goodbye, that hurts. Eddies Dad lives just a few doors away and we try to comfort each other as much as we can but we are so wrapped up in our own grief it is difficult. I miss my sons hugs and kisses, his saying night, night god bless at bedtime, his gentle words of comfort telling me not to worry and his love that he showed without shame. I miss Eddie passing my front door with a wave and a nod, coming into the house to wake Steven up, sending him upstairs to rouse him. The pain is quite unbearable, I dont know how I have got so far, but God willing with the love of our family and friends we can make it through another day.

[suzanne]

Linda

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your dear son and his friend. Although I don't know the pain of losing a child, I am all too familiar with grief. I lost my husband in March and my Dad in August. You have a found a very caring and compassionate place to come when you do feel up to talking about it. It really helps to be around ones who understand the loss of ones we love so dearly. One day at a time is all we can do. But you do not walk alone. My thoughts are with you in this very painful time and again my sincerest sympathy.

Suzanne

[lorikelly]

I am so sorry, i could not imagine the loss of one of my children. i truely believe that is the worst kind of loss. children are not suppose to die before there parents. i wish i had something to say to make it better all i can say is please keep coming back here. we are all good listeners and want to hear anything you want to say about your wonderful son. God Bless Lori

[Linda W]

Suzanne,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really do appreciate your support. It is 5.30pm on New Years Eve here in England and my husband and I have been invited to go to the village pub by all Stevens friends and their parents later....maybe. It may just be too much as it is where Steven used to go. Thank you once again.

Regards Linda

[Linda W]

Lori,

You dont have to say anything, just being there is enough to know we are not completely on our own. Thank you for being so understanding, maybe I will open up another day when I get the New Year out the way.

[MartyT]

Linda, dear ~

We're all so very sorry to learn of the tragic accident that took the lives of your precious son Steven and his best friend Eddie. Please know that we are holding you in our collective hearts, and we always will be here for you, whether you want to read, or rest, or just need someone to lean on. We won't let you go through this alone.

Wishing you peace and healing,

[chandrasmom]

Linda, I believe the friend in America who referred you to this site is also my friend. When she told me about your son, she asked if I could suggest anything that might help you. Besides having friends like Pam to listen (she was very supportive of me after my daughter's death in February), having an online group like this is most helpful. I told her about this site in hopes you would check it out and learn that you are not alone in your pain. It helps to talk, Linda, to tell your story as many times as you need to, to share your pain with others who are also riding the roller coaster that is grief. If you ever want to talk one on one, Pam can tell you how to reach me.

Deborah

[Linda W]

Dear Deborah, Yes I think you are the lady Pam told me about. Thank you for getting in touch and recognising who I was. I have read your story about Chandra and I was moved by your words, it is a very touching tribute to her. I also found great comfort to know you have made it so far, as I now know how painful and desperate you must have been. At the moment Im still waiting for Steven to come home from work although I know he wont be, I leave his bedside lamp on when it goes dark like I have done for so many years. My other son Paul is struggling to come to terms with losing Steven, and he has a family to look after, I know he worries for me so I try to put on a brave face to help him through. Thank you for being there, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Linda

[chandrasmom]

Linda, I just purchased a book that you may not be ready for yet, but jot the title down somewhere and take a look next time you are in a bookstore: After the Death of a Child. It tells what parents of children of all ages experienced when their children died. I find it helpful because it reminds me I am not crazy, I am not carrying my grief too far, I am not being maudlin, etc. Plus, it reassures me that there will come a time when it doesn't hurt quite so bad and it doesn't hurt all the time because others have suffered through and reached that place. That doesn't mean we will get over their death, but we will learn better how to live with it. Another book I have found comforting is Healing After a Loss. It's a book of daily meditations for people who are grieving.

If leaving the light on for Steven makes you feel better, keep doing it. I brought home a small lamp that Chandra loved and leave it burning through the night. I also still wear clothes and jewelry that belonged to her. Knowing that these things once touched her skin comforts me. I've also been keeping a grief journal, just writing down things I need to express or things I want to remember. That helps. And some day when I'm able to read it through, I know I'll be able to see how far I have come.

Sending prayers and strength your way, Linda.

Deborah