Two And A Half Years

[Dusky]

Hello to all my Friends on this site,

I bumped into another milestone yesterday. Similar to many of the “moments in time” that so many of you have faced during this journey. Jack has now been dead two and a half years as of January 31st. I can hardly believe so much time as past – and I recall so many of you noting these same type of “markers” as the day arrives – 6 months – a year – two years - three years etc.

I, for some strange reason, started to do some calculating when I realized I had reached this point in time. I thought – “wow that’s a quarter of a decade” – then I went further – “that’s 30 months” - “914 days” – “21,960 hours” – “1,316,160 minutes” and “78,969,600 seconds.” I believe I have felt every one of those years, months, days, hours’ minutes and seconds – and partial decade. Time has softened the rough edges of this process – but has not taken away the overwhelming feeling of loss. That remains.

It’s a long time to be without the person you expected to live many more years with but I remain extremely grateful for the marvelous 27 years he graced my life. As I have said many times on this site, - Jack lived so very well “in the moment” – and that’s all we really have - moments stung together like "pearls in a necklace" - which are a reflection of your own life. Jack provided me 27 beautiful years of memories. I consider these years – at this point in time - to be the best part of my life – the best part of “the pearls of a necklace of my own life”. Nevertheless, I still hope that there are yet more pearls to add to my life - all guided by his “in the moment” quality of existence.

I still miss him – but at least I don’t count seconds anymore. I did when he first died. I used to say there was not a second that went by that I did not think of him. That’s probably more like “not an hour” that goes by. I think that’s progress. I think that’s my own attempt to “live in the moment” – as I try to add new pearls to the necklace of my life without Jack’s physical presence. I still carry the essence of who he was with me – always will.

I wish you all well – every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year and every decade or partial decade of your life through this journey without the physical presence of your loved.

Love and peace,

John – Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[WendyJ]

John, you write so beautifully and I always get a chill when I read your posts as they have such deep meanings and warmth to them. I know Jack is so very proud of how far you have come and I hope Steve is as proud of me as well. Now if I could just get him to stop blowing out light bulbs in my house and send me maybe a butterfly or a hummingbird instead that will make me happy. Last count inside and out, big bulbs and little in 11 months time is 43 light bulbs ! Does he not realize that it is not funny any more?

Love,

Wendy

[suzanne]

John

Thank you for such beautiful words. You have such warmth and comfort. Guess we will never stop counting.

Suzanne

[karenb]

Hi Dusky,

"Soften" is all we can ask for - loss does remain. After the 24 years my children and I spent with my first husband, my Jack became the strand of pearls in our lives and I am so grateful for his presence, his understanding, his compassion, and his wonderful love for us all. Being more "mellow" feels good and it does take time to get to this point. Your words really do sing a melody and I'm so glad you allow us into your thoughts. Thank you for your contributions, they mean a lot to us.

Your friend, Karen

[teny]

John thank you I needed your warmth and cnford today you have my husbands name and he is gone 15 months todayI do miss him much and physical presence .Im looking forward for your book.TENY

[lorikelly]

Thank you for shariing that here with us . lori