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Watching Movies Of Grief And Letting Go


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I lost mom last March of 2007 and lately, as I love movies, I have been watching movies that come on cable about death, grieving, and letting go. I said to my wife, "What's up with this streak of movies about grief, death, and letting go?" My wife and I agreed that it was probably my mom letting me know that I need to face the grieving process and it is important to heal.

The most recent movie I saw the other day was, "In America" about a family from Ireland moved to NYC to start a new life and grieving the loss of one child, "Frankie". At the end, I cried as the two young girls were waving at the sky with a pretty panaromic view of NYC saying goodbye to their brother, "Frankie" and they encouraged their dad to finally let go of his son, "Frankie" by joining them saying bye bye. When dad wept as he did not shed a tear for a long time, I wept. I joined to say, "bye mom, bye dad." I thought it was also beautiful when the young girl said, "I do not wish to view Frankie this way again (an image of him being sick with no hair) but to now view Frankie of the pretty panaromic view of NYC at night with bright city lights.

My mom loved sunsets so instead of viewing her as this woman who was suffering from lung cancer, I can practice viewing her as a beautiful sunset. Easier said than done. Smile. At least we have a choice, eh?

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Hi Mike,

"Smile, at least we have a choice, eh?" You must be a wonderful person with those thoughts in your head. You are so right. We have choices, we make our own decisions. Sometimes when we grieve we are at certain plateaus, but we can choose to diminish them, sometimes we can't. I believe we have degrees of how we cope with losing someone we love. My loss of my husband was 2 1/2 years ago and I've gone through many emotions. I am at peace with all of it and choose to continue on with my life and all the wonderful things that are to come. There are a lot of benefits with that choice.

Mike, you have many sunsets left in your life.....enjoy them. Your mom wants you to do that with her blessing.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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I think movies and songs are a way for us to "allow" ourselves to cry. Sometimes I really need a good cry, but try to avoid it because I've cried sooooo much already. Then I hear a song, or watch a movie where something sad happens, and I have that good cry I needed. It's good therapy!

hugs,

Shell

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Well yesterday I was fine all day and the funniest thing happened...speaking of crying. My one Japanese Chin came up to me and put his forehead right up to my face for a kiss so I started to hug him and kiss his forehead and I hugged him tighly and just started crying my eyes out terribly and the minute ( I don't know why I said this ) I said to him " I know, I miss Daddy too" he started crying too. I don't know where all this came from or what made me think at that moment he was thinking of Steve but we had a very touching moment. Weird huh?

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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That is so sweet. Our little friends just know, they have that instinct and they really miss them. Sadie Mae does things, too, and I know she misses Jack. I try not to say his name much because she remembers - even 2 1/2years ago. We just love those little critters, huh?

Love, Karen :wub:;)

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Karen it is more this time like I was intuned to his emotions, it was very strange. These Chins are a very sensitive breed but the tides were turned this time and it was like I knew he was kinda mopey and when he wanted a hug and smooching I just knew he was thinking of Steve. I have never had a dog cry like that, he was actually whimpering.

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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That's so cool. They are something. I'm so glad you have them. Here's something I'll share with you that I love..the last part of it happened to me today....my friend acknowledged something to me that I had put a roadblock in front of...

"Many people believe that support is something that you give to someone you feel sorry for or that it means propping up someone who would fail unless you were there to give him a boost. But that's not the way I see it. Support is the boost you can give someone who can help himself but who needs a partner to open a window or push aside a roadblock."

Sounds good, huh?

Love, Karen :wub:;)

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Hello Karen,

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. He must be proud of you for you are doing great wonders in helping others like me here on this forum.

My mom was a widow since my dad died in 1974. He was 32. Mom was also 32 with four children including me being the last of the bunch. Mom and I were very close. Mom would tell us stories of dad. I am so grateful for my deep friendship with mom. I just feel guilty for getting upset with her especially in her dying days. I feel like I have a large load of venting to do. I do not want to say too much here. Smile.

Thank you for sharing with me.

More later,

Mike

Hi Mike,

"Smile, at least we have a choice, eh?" You must be a wonderful person with those thoughts in your head. You are so right. We have choices, we make our own decisions. Sometimes when we grieve we are at certain plateaus, but we can choose to diminish them, sometimes we can't. I believe we have degrees of how we cope with losing someone we love. My loss of my husband was 2 1/2 years ago and I've gone through many emotions. I am at peace with all of it and choose to continue on with my life and all the wonderful things that are to come. There are a lot of benefits with that choice.

Mike, you have many sunsets left in your life.....enjoy them. Your mom wants you to do that with her blessing.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Hello Marty,

Thank you your helpful guide. I noticed a lot of great films on your list. My mom and I loved "Terms of Endearment" and "Good Will Hunting". She was the one who suggested I watch "Good Will Hunting". She watched the movie at the theater alone. I wished she did not. I wished I was there with her. I wished she did not have to spend many days and nights alone. She was sad. My therapist asked me if I was loyaled to her as I expressed my own patterns of self-sabotaging acts to put me situations where I would be sad and alone. I have given it a lot of thought.

Because I am hard of hearing, I find this forum to be very helpful where I can be able to understand what is being said on print than from mouth. I just do not want to express too much online as I do not want to be so self-centered and wallowing in self-pity. I want to be helpful here. But I do have a lot to talk about. A lot has been swimming in my heart and mind since my mom died.

I am a movie lover and I am glad there are movies to help me with my process of grieving, acceptance, letting go, and moving on. My dad died when I was four and I still haven't really let go of that too.

More later,

Mike

Mike, you may find this article of interest:

Grief Observed: Using Movies to Move through Grief

Hello Wendy,

Thank you for sharing. Animals have a way with helping us humans heal. I do not have an animal to own but I walk my friend's dog from time to time and when I do, I find him very comforting. I even stopped by on my way home to just see him because I knew in my heart he would make my heart warm.

Have you started a topic in this forum about pets being good penniless therapists? :)

Well yesterday I was fine all day and the funniest thing happened...speaking of crying. My one Japanese Chin came up to me and put his forehead right up to my face for a kiss so I started to hug him and kiss his forehead and I hugged him tighly and just started crying my eyes out terribly and the minute ( I don't know why I said this ) I said to him " I know, I miss Daddy too" he started crying too. I don't know where all this came from or what made me think at that moment he was thinking of Steve but we had a very touching moment. Weird huh?

Love,

Wendy :wub:

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Hello Karen,

I was reading other posts and I read about what you said to Elizabeth about you having children with mental problems. I already sense you are a special person but now I sense you are even more special. My mom had four children. My brother who is the oldest has mild mental retardation and I am hard of hearing with mild cerebral palsy. My two sisters in between do not have any disabilities. I should have been a girl...hee hee. No just kidding. I am glad to be a man. I felt that mom had difficulty at times accepting our disabilities because she was an identical twin. Her twin sister, my aunt, also died about 3 years ago from lung cancer as well. My aunt had three children who all do not have any disabilities. My mom said to me at one time that she wished her boys were like her sister's boys. I find her words still hurtful even now she is in heaven. I know I said I can imagine her as a sunset but I also said it is easier said than done. I know there are a lot of emotions that come up while grieving. I have issues with anger and self-esteem. I understand I need to pray and forgive my mom. I need to pray to accept my hand of cards without throwing them down saying, "I fold". My dad also died when I was four years old so my mom had it rough but she never said, "I folded". Although, she did smoke and she refused to stop even when she was told that she had emphysema. I just want to succeed as a stand-up comic and make the world lighter as I feel great when I am able to bring the audience to a good laughter. My mom would light up when she retold her memory of me being four years old on stage during a magic show. She said that because of my cerebral palsy, my head was tilted back a bit but I had a great smile and that I had my fly down. She said the entire audience laughed with me.

I sensed it was my mom's mother, Nana, was a bit discouraging to mom as she would be not so nice to her at times. I would love to be clear from these pains and just be free from this bag of self-pity I am holding.

More later,

Mike

Hello Shell,

Yes I agree! I need to shed a few more tears as I feel currently numb as if I have a wall up in my heart. I am glad you are able to cry.

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Mike,

I am so glad you found this forum and I found it so enlightening what you said about it being easier because you are hard of hearing. I never looked at it that way before! You said you didn't want to vent too much on the board because you didn't want to be self-centered and wallowing in self-pity. That's what we are here for...to "listen" to what your heart and mind has to vent about. So please feel free to express anything you want to get out. We won't think of it as self-pity or self-centeredness, I promise. You have to "talk" (in one way or another) about all those pent up feelings to begin to heal. We truly do care and hope we can help, even if it's just reading your posts and offering support.

Hugs,

Shell

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Hey Mike,

What Shell says about what you're calling self-centeredness and self-pity we call sharing with others about our feelings. We really are here for you and each other. I've been here for a short amount of time compared to others and I feel so comfortable talking about what's happening with me....others do, too. So, if you think you need to say something, come here and if we can, we'll help where we can. We're all just going through the same thing at different points of time. You're right. I do have a son who has schitzophrenia, lives on his own, but needs help. I love my son so much, as well as my other two children. You hang in there, Mike, and come here if you want to.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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